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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my in-laws are over reacting?

207 replies

Snugglepalace · 13/02/2017 20:23

My dc (11yr old ds & 8 yr old dd) stay over at my in-laws once a week during the school hols, so that's roughly 10 times a year.
They have a 2 bed house and up till 6 months ago dc slept together in their spare room, however in laws now make dd sleep on the floor in the living room which she hates, she says it's uncomfortable.
So I asked them today if the kids can share the room and they got quite angry with me and said no it's not right at their age!!
AIBU to think that's a bit over the top for a sleep over just 10-12 times a year?

OP posts:
DeterminedToChange · 13/02/2017 20:25

My kids are in their 20s and will still share a room if they have to!

SalmonFajitas · 13/02/2017 20:25

YANBU. If they're fine sharing what's the problem? We used to all share a tent or hotel room on holiday even up to teenage years. We'd just change in the bathroom no a big deal. Also if they're not sharing why is DD always on the floor rather than taking it in turns?

user1484226561 · 13/02/2017 20:26

Time for separate bedrooms, I think. Anyway, their house, their rules.

You need to invest in a more comfortable bed for DD

PastysPrincess · 13/02/2017 20:26

For the few times they are there I can't see what the problem is.

NapQueen · 13/02/2017 20:27

Why cant one of them sleep onnthe sofa? Not that they need separate bedrooms like.

Does the bedroom have two beds?

And yes; why always dd?

HeyYouYesYou · 13/02/2017 20:27

How completely bizarre! They're brother and sister. I think it's a bit off to suggest it's not appropriate for them to share a room.

pinkyredrose · 13/02/2017 20:27

They're being nuts. How will this play out long term, DD sleeping on the floor when she's 14 and Ds in the spare room?

lalalalyra · 13/02/2017 20:28

What made them decide that the youngest should sleep in the livingroom? Is it age or are they showing a preference to your DS? At the very, very least they should be swapping each time they stay - it shouldn't be the same child getting the comfortable bed. And why isn't the child in the living room at least sleeping on the sofa?

They are being ridiculous unless one of the children has expressed that they don't like sharing.

Needs a better solution than DD relegated to the floor though. I'd put a stop to them both going at the same time if the solution is DD sleeping on the floor tbh.

Bitofacow · 13/02/2017 20:28

Their house if they want to insist on separate spaces they can. However, your children may choose not to visit if one of them has to sleep on the floor.

Up to them.

Henrysmycat · 13/02/2017 20:28

Your comment makes no sense. Confused

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 13/02/2017 20:29

Well I guess it's their house so their rules. But I agree it's a strange decision. I shared a double bed with my little brother at my grandparents' house until I was about 12 and didn't do sleepovers there any more. I think it would have upset me and made me feel a bit grubby if an adult had let me know that they disapproved. Almost as if our behaviour or appropriateness of our relationship was under question. It seems a real shame for them to put that kind of slant on a nice and healthy brother/sister relationship.

I'd knock the sleepovers on the head from now on. It's not fair for DD to have an uncomfortable night's sleep and I wouldn't want the children to feel ashamed of something completely normal.

Parker231 · 13/02/2017 20:29

If I was your DD I wouldn't be going there anymore!

AyeAmarok · 13/02/2017 20:31

I wonder why they've decided the girl has to sleep on the floor. They could at least take it turn about.

Or are they of the "women must make way for men" persuasion?

xyzandabc · 13/02/2017 20:32

[Time for separate bedrooms, I think. Anyway, their house, their rules.

You need to invest in a more comfortable bed for DD]

The grandparents only have 2 bedrooms, how can they have separate bedrooms?

And invest in a new bed, for 10 nights a year in the grandparents living room? Where would they keep the bed the other 355 nights a year in a 2 bed house?

I don't see why they can't share. If gp are adamant they can't then they should take turns in the living room and get a decent campbed or luxury inflatable type one.

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 13/02/2017 20:33

Also think it's bizarre. However if dd doesn't want to sleep on the living room floor (every sympathy with her) and they're not willing to budge on this they need to realise that dd may decide she does not want to sleep over any more.

Is it possible to sort out a better quality camp bed or are there other reasons why the living room is not comfortable to her?

harderandharder2breathe · 13/02/2017 20:35

It's only ok if they take turns going in the living room.

I agree that the eldest being 11 it's time to start thinking about privacy but if both children and their parents are happy I don't see why it matters for occasional sleepovers.

NerrSnerr · 13/02/2017 20:36

Why can't one of them sleep on the settee and why is it always your daughter? How strange.

BertrandRussell · 13/02/2017 20:36

There are lots of mumsnetters who don't think different sex children should share bedrooms. I think it's very odd of them, but there are plenty of them.

Buy a campbed.
Sorted.

garlicandsapphire · 13/02/2017 20:42

My DD 16 and DS 14 share a twin bed room on holiday sometimes. If kids are okay with it I would be. But its sounds unfair on DD, it should be swappsies and someone needs to go and get a nicer campbed/blowup bed/mattress or truckle bed for whichever one is made to sleep in the sitting room. Otherwise DD will opt out (I'd have thought a lot of kids would).

Cherryskypie · 13/02/2017 20:43

Well it won't be an issue for much longer as your DD will stop going if they treat her that way.

MattBerrysHair · 13/02/2017 20:43

Sofa? Inflatable mattress? Why put her on the floor?

Livelovebehappy · 13/02/2017 20:43

Appropriate to share a room, but not a bed. The DS is at an age where he is probably in his first year at secondary school so I don't think he should be sharing a bed with his sister. Maybe get an air bed for the inlaws to keep at their house which can be blown up and used during their visits.

LeaningTowerOfGaffney · 13/02/2017 20:47

livelove the OP said they share a room, not a bed.

NewUserName01 · 13/02/2017 20:47

I shared a bedroom with my brother until I was 16. There wasn't much choice really; well, I suppose I could have shared with my sister but she flatly refused and I always got on well with my brother. Mum put a bookcase down the centre of the room between us so we couldn't see each other that clearly but we were very respectful of each other's privacy and never changed in front of each other or anything like that.

I remember my Grandmother used to make a huge fuss about this saying it wasn't right and we used to feel really offended - what did she think we'd get up to?

I just remember us having good conversations and enjoying listening to the late night phone in on the radio together.

Original poster
Snugglepalace · 13/02/2017 20:49

They are sleeping over tonight. Dd got upset before we left so I've sent her over with a pump up bed but they still didn't want it in with ds saying it could go in their bedroom (the spare room has a double bed btw)
I asked dd why she doesn't sleep on sofa but apparently they settle her on the floor whilst they watch TV then leave her there when they go to bed at 10ish.
I appreciate it's their home and their rules (which fil basically told me so tonight when I questioned it all!) but it all seems a bit ott for a few times a year and it kind of worries me what they think poor ds is going to get up to!!

OP posts:
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