Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is suspicious

147 replies

Fireandflames666 · 13/02/2017 10:13

Partner has been messaging woman from work, old messages have been deleted but i managed to seenone this morning saying

"Hello Mrs, hope you're ok today? x "

I hope I'm bu.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 13/02/2017 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreatFuckability · 13/02/2017 10:15

Depends why he's been messaging? In itself that's a pretty innocuous message.

Original poster
Fireandflames666 · 13/02/2017 10:18

Male partner messaging woman since Christmas (work night out). I've questioned him about it and that's when the deleting messages started. He's been on his phone non stop too, all smiley whilst on it.

Not sure if she has any issues.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 13/02/2017 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Celticlassie · 13/02/2017 10:31

'Mrs' is quite generic, I wouldn't say it seems like he's interested in? Wouldn't like the deleting though.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 13/02/2017 10:34

All put together sounds very suspicious. I say this as someone who was cheated on. I hope it's innocent...

Inneedofaholiday2017 · 13/02/2017 10:36

Yes it's suspicious sorry.

Ask him if you can see the messages and/or to please stop messaging her unless it's about work. If there's no need to contact her he shouldn't be.

Most likely just emotional at this stage but I would want it to stop

Wonderflonium · 13/02/2017 10:44

I delete messages as a matter of course to save space on my phone.

sandragreen · 13/02/2017 10:46

Yes, when you put it all together it doesn't look good.

You say you have questioned him - did he say he would stop? I wouldn't tolerate this to be honest, non stop on his phone, messaging OW, deleting the messages. Up to you though.............

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 13/02/2017 10:46

What kind of messages?

Are they always along the lines of "Hello Mrs, hope you're ok today? " As I see nothing in that at all and it wouldn't bother me.

I delete all texts unless from dh to save space on my phone for work emails & apps

Purplebluebird · 13/02/2017 10:47

I delete messages to save space as well, especially on whatsapp. I ask my male friends if they are ok and end it with "x" as well, so don't think it necessarily is anything to worry about.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 13/02/2017 10:51

If you smell a rat, there generally is one.

NavyandWhite · 13/02/2017 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 13/02/2017 10:52

I would be deleting my personal conversations with friends if someone in my life was reading them and questioning me.

I'm an adult and can decide who to talk to and what's appropreate or not.

Purplebluebird · 13/02/2017 10:59

Same as NeedsAsock . I delete messages if I know my other half is reading, because quite frankly I like to have privacy when talking to my friends - male and female. Thankfully my other half does not (to my knowledge) check my conversations, though he has done in the past.

CallMeMaybe · 13/02/2017 11:02

I used to delete messages on my phone because my h used to snoop through my phone to read my messages and then question me about their content so he could accuse me of having an affair.

That message in itself seems perfectly harmless. Also, I don't buy into the comment that 'unless he has a reason to message her then he shouldn't.' Who is the arbiter of what is a valid reason for being allowed to message someone? Hmm.

chocatoo · 13/02/2017 11:04

I'm afraid that I do think it is suspicious. I hope it's not. I wouldn't be able to stop myself from doing a bit of snooping. Good luck.

NavyandWhite · 13/02/2017 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleRed90 · 13/02/2017 11:18

In black and white terms, if your OH is texting another woman, constantly on his phone, all smiley etc, it doesn't look good, does it?

All well and good people saying they delete messages and respect privacy etc but your OH needs to respect your marriage. The fact that he's made you feel so insecure, you've taken to a MN forum speaks volumes. I would be having a very frank conversation with him and if he is a decent human being, he'll explain the situation and put your mind at ease.

LittleRed90 · 13/02/2017 11:20

Also, if my OH approached me and said he felt uneasy that I was messaging a colleague, I'd keep the messages to reassure him. Nothing else I could do, really? You're either happy with your partner feeling insecure or you're not and do anything to help the situation?

MagicMoments22 · 13/02/2017 11:28

My DH best friend sends me these type of txt messages with x on the end. We are most definitely not having an affair but at the same time I dont keep them secret from my DH and we have been known to be having four way conversations via txt - his GF included

You need more info

MyWineTime · 13/02/2017 11:44

If you smell a rat, there generally is one.
That is utter rubbish. My ex constantly found reasons to suspect me of being unfaithful - I never was.
Some people see suspicious behaviour where there is none.

LovelyJubly111 · 13/02/2017 11:59

I'm one of the few who believe men and women can be just friends. So no, if all he's done so far is laugh at jokes from a woman from his work I doubt there's a need to start filing the divorce papers yet...

Original poster
Fireandflames666 · 13/02/2017 12:21

It's the deleting that's making me think twice.

When i mention it he tells me that it's like he "can't have female friends".

OP posts:
Original poster
Fireandflames666 · 13/02/2017 12:24

I'll do more digging if i can. He's acting very strangely around his phone is all.

OP posts: