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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is suspicious

147 replies

Fireandflames666 · 13/02/2017 10:13

Partner has been messaging woman from work, old messages have been deleted but i managed to seenone this morning saying

"Hello Mrs, hope you're ok today? x "

I hope I'm bu.

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 13/02/2017 12:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 13/02/2017 12:42

Of course men and women can be friends. But you don't hide it from your wife, act weird around your phone, text incessantly with a dopey grin on your face and delete the messages when your wife brings it up, if you're just friends, do you?

Realitea · 13/02/2017 12:59

It's too hard to tell if you've only seen that message. There's nothing incriminating in the one you've seen. What is dodgy is that he's acting a bit protective around his phone and he doesn't usually.
I always believe if they're a friend to them then they're a friend to you so tell him to invite her round for dinner or something equally as welcoming. If he doesn't want to I'd say it's a sign he's keeping something from you. I wouldn't assume they've been seeing each other it might just be messages but either way, it's deceitful.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 13/02/2017 13:02

Also, if my OH approached me and said he felt uneasy that I was messaging a colleague, I'd keep the messages to reassure him. Nothing else I could do, really? You're either happy with your partner feeling insecure or you're not and do anything to help the situation?

I would ask him wtf he thought was acceptable about attempting to police how and who I spoke to.

HandbagCrazy · 13/02/2017 13:03

Your spidey senses have picked up on an issue and now you're trying to convince yourself that you're wrong. You aren't.

I have male friends. We text each other. It wouldn't occur to me to delete them.

Foxysoxy01 · 13/02/2017 13:09

I would say maybe do some more digging and just keep it in the back of your mind for now.

It does sound suspicious mainly the deleting texts when he didn't before.

Original poster
Fireandflames666 · 13/02/2017 13:21

Thanks for the info ladies. I wouldn't normally snoop... but with his weird behavior and with two young kids to put first, then it must be done.

Any tips though?.

OP posts:
Tracey300884 · 13/02/2017 14:12

Grab his phone when he's in shower or asleep and lick yourself in toilet/car wherever if necessary? Do you know his passcode/pattern to get into his phone?

I don't condone looking through a partner's phone but unfortunately, due to HIS behaviour, that is the only way you're going to find out for sure......

Tracey300884 · 13/02/2017 14:12

OMG LOCK I meant LOCK!!!!

Tracey300884 · 13/02/2017 14:12

BlushHmmWine

Original poster
Fireandflames666 · 13/02/2017 15:18

I know his lock, he doesn't know this. I'll keep you informed and will be taking screenshots to back myself up if need be incase he tries lying.

OP posts:
Foxysoxy01 · 13/02/2017 15:48

Do you have joint accounts? Online banking? Can you see if money has been going somewhere it shouldn't?

Could you give him a call at work occasionally to make sure he is there?

It's not really great to be snooping tbh and I'm not sure if I think it's a good idea or not but it's obviously necessary to find out if he is having an affair which I suppose means a certain amount of snooping.

If you have any more solid evidence could you afford a PI?

If you really think he is having an affair you need to document everything possible! And get yourself stable financially asap.

Tracey300884 · 13/02/2017 18:24

Good luck xxx

Original poster
Fireandflames666 · 13/02/2017 23:12

I was right!, It's over. Admitted it all, sadly for me.

OP posts:
ballsdeep · 13/02/2017 23:14

Oh no! I'm so sorry! Ehat happened? Xx

littlepinkgiraffe · 13/02/2017 23:17

Hope you're okay OP Flowers

GloGirl · 13/02/2017 23:17

Oh God! So sorry. How long were you together?

GlitteryFluff · 13/02/2017 23:18

I'm sorry op Flowers

foxyloxy78 · 13/02/2017 23:24

Oh god. So sorry OP. What happened? Flowers

CanuckBC · 13/02/2017 23:24

I am sorry:(

FookyNell · 13/02/2017 23:25

That sucks, I'm sorry to hear it. Take a deep breath, gird your loins and make sure you and your two innocent DC are not left without anything but him.

understandnothing · 13/02/2017 23:33

OP, I' m sorry. You'll not feel this just now but at least he has admitted it.

Flowers

notapizzaeater · 13/02/2017 23:36

Sorry to hear this :-(

haveacupoftea · 13/02/2017 23:37

Christ I am sorry Flowers

DontTouchTheMoustache · 13/02/2017 23:39

Flowers so sorry op you must be heartbroken. What an awful thing to do to someone you are supposed to love. I hope you are OK xxx