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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is suspicious

147 replies

Fireandflames666 · 13/02/2017 10:13

Partner has been messaging woman from work, old messages have been deleted but i managed to seenone this morning saying

"Hello Mrs, hope you're ok today? x "

I hope I'm bu.

OP posts:
Velvian · 14/02/2017 08:51

Flowers sorry, OP. "Falling out of love" -what teenage BS.

AshesandDust · 14/02/2017 09:09

You were right, so sorry, OP. What a bastard to turn on you and blame
your anxiety for his infidelity. No wonder you're anxious, who wouldn't be after sharing a roof with a sneaky, adulterous bastard.
Be kind to yourself, OP
Flowers

BlondeBecky1983 · 14/02/2017 09:32

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Flowers

Do you know how far it has gone? Has she reciprocated or is he doing the chasing?

DontTouchTheMoustache · 14/02/2017 09:37

Urgh what a disgusting fucking coward. Why can't he just be honest and say he was thinking with his dick? Relationships are hard, especially with young children and he was obviously too pathetic and lazy to work at it and went for the easy option of some girl at work. I hope she tells him to get fucked and he ends up losing everything.

BorrowedHeart · 14/02/2017 10:14

Please don't take this the wrong way, but given how you reacted over a text (ok in this case you were right) maybe your anxiety etc was just suffocating him and that's why he fell out of love with you.. it isn't you as such, just a problem that you have that he maybe felt pushed away. Is there no talking to find out why, I couldn't split up without knowing fully why but that's just me.

Basically I don't think people that don't know him, calling him lazy etc is called for. He could have been struggling, the op needs to talk to him and find out why then move on.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 14/02/2017 10:16

"Please don't take this the wrong way, but its your fault he cheated on you. The fact that you reacted in entirely the normal way, and suspected him of cheating when he was in fact cheating means there is something wrong with you and you need to not blame him"

Jog on love. Hmm

LoveDeathPrizes · 14/02/2017 10:20

Oh do sod off, @borrowedheart. She's anxious because she's spot on. Paranoia is only paranoia when it's insubstantiated. So many men pull this crap - Oh, I left because you were sad. To be honest, you were putting a real dampener on my exciting extra-marital affairs'.

BorrowedHeart · 14/02/2017 10:23

Ok, and how many times could the op have been paranoid before and it ended with her being wrong? We don't know, so to cover all bases if this is how she acts regularly then it can get jarring, if she doesn't however then it's awful for her, I am in no way saying he was in the right to cheat, preferably he could have ended it with her and then moved on to someone else, we don't k ow what their life is like at home, but from her posts I'd say she was a bit smothering.

Farandole · 14/02/2017 10:23

Borrowed that's victim blaming. That's pretty low. Please don't take this the wrong way.

LoveDeathPrizes · 14/02/2017 10:25

If that's true - and I won't go into the many reasons it's not - who bails rather than talks when there are young children involved?

And to what degree do you consider this revelation will help OP now at the most vulnerable point of her life?

BorrowedHeart · 14/02/2017 10:27

Isn't it great how people read what they want and not what's actually written, I mean what I wrote is in black and white so, you know make shit up all you want but what I said did not blame the op but the way she is with him could be a reason he fell out of love, it could be, we don't know. I won't just jump on a thread and slag someone off though because the poster comes across nosey and insecure (yes in THIS case she was right) and may well be anxious all the time, if that is the case I don't blame him wanting to leave her but his actions and what he has done is the wrong way to go.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 14/02/2017 10:29

Bullshit. "The way she is with him" meaning she guessed he was cheating and she was right, you think that is evidence of her treating him badly?
Sod that.

BorrowedHeart · 14/02/2017 10:29

She put it out there on a public forum, I've answered with my opinion as I am allowed to do, I don't have to word things to please the op, sometimes "victims"can be blamed, it you are a crazy controlling man and a woman leaves you or vice versa, wether they cheat or not (already said this is wrong) your actions are what made them leave, it's not victim blaming.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 14/02/2017 10:29

Dude, the mens rights forums are that way ->

BorrowedHeart · 14/02/2017 10:30

Dude, me?

BorrowedHeart · 14/02/2017 10:31

I'm not a guy, but thanks. Guess women can't believe men can have feeling without being accused of being a man themselves.

LoveDeathPrizes · 14/02/2017 10:32

You appear to be driving your point home as if waiting for a concession that you're right.

Have an ounce of compassion. It should not even be under question. We're offering support not an objective critique based on no evidence. You don't get brownie points for thinking outside of the box.

BorrowedHeart · 14/02/2017 10:33

I don't care if people think I am right or not, I'm still allowed to comment with my own opinion. Just because something awful has happened doesn't mean I don't get to comment.

BlondeBecky1983 · 14/02/2017 10:33

This bloke had so many options other than cheating on his DP - how about talking about it?! Stop victim shaming.

LoveDeathPrizes · 14/02/2017 10:33

Okay. Well enjoy the warm cuddly feeling it gives you.

BorrowedHeart · 14/02/2017 10:35

I've said what he did was wrong what else should I say? Cut his balls off and feed them to the dogs? MN would agree with that though wouldn't they.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 14/02/2017 10:35

How about you don't blame a woman for being cheated on, or is that a bit obvious for you?

BorrowedHeart · 14/02/2017 10:36

I haven't blamed her lol you can all keep reading what you want, but if your actions cause a breakup then you have to own that, I don't blame him for falling out of love but I blame him for cheating, is that any clearer for you?

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 14/02/2017 10:38

Actually you have. Repeatedly.

rightsofwomen · 14/02/2017 10:41

Sorry to derail the thread, but I have men messaging me.
I am recently single and have no interest at all in any romance.
I did tell one (married) man that he was making me feel uncomfortable.
Another couple are just being nice to me. Is this wrong?