Still furious about Christmas

[Ionlywantedapony]

My mother lives abroad. We hardly see her.
His mother lives 20 minutes away. We see her ALL THE TIME.
My mother is not good at planning.
His mother plans years in advance.
My mother (and sister) flew over to visit us at the last minute at Christmas.
We spent the day at his mothers house and left my mum and sister alone in ours, because "that's what had been planned all along".
AIBU. To still be mad?

Yes, life is too short - let it go

I'd be mad too. Did you ask if they could come?

I would be. Was there any reason why a compromise couldn't be found to spend some of the day with your mother and sister and then go over to his mother's? It would not have been difficult to do that since she only lives 20 minutes away. The polite thing to do would be for his mother to have extended the invitation to your mother and sister to come over as well. I would never have let family (even in laws) sit alone in the house on Xmas day if I was hosting.

Sounds shit. Could you not have stayed with your mum and sis, and DH go to see his mum? Guessing not because of DC?

Make a change now. Do you want to see MIL less?

I would be livid! I would have let him go to his mothers alone and spent the day with my family instead

You are really because unless your fury will find a way to rewind time, there's nothing you can do about it now. What's done is done...

What?! Why did you go? So confusing.

Make your own last minute plan to fly to see your mum next time?

What do you think should have happened instead?

Why didn't you stay home with your mum and sister?

You should have stood your ground at the time!

Who are you angry with - your partner for insisting you go to his mum's? Your Mum and sister for leaving it to the last minute and presumably expecting people to change plans for them? Or your MIL who doesn't appear to have done anything wrong?

Was there no way of compromising so that your Mum and Sis could come with you to MIL's ? or she could come over to yours?

I rather take the view that if people leave their plans to the last minute and don;t tell anyone what they are doing, they can;t then selfishly expect everyone to drop everything to accommodate them. If your mother is upset then lesson learnt - next time have the courtesy to tell people in advance, 'I'm not good at planning' is just nonsense.

Why didn't you stay home? No good being furious now.

Why couldn't you have stayed at home with your dm who made a surprise last-minute visit at Christmas? Did your dp and mil drag you from the house?

I wouldn't have accepted that, and would probably still be resentful.

I suppose you should have sent him to his mother's and you should have stayed behind with your mother and sister. I think it would have been what I would have wanted to do. I would have hoped his family would have understood, but in the event that they didn't I wouldn't have cared and would have spent the time with my family anyway.

MIL did invite them but husband thought it was a bad idea. And actually my mum didn't want to go either. They both suffer from competitive grandmother syndrome. It's painful to watch. MIL also very kindly offered to swap days so that we could spend Christmas Day with my family and then have Boxing Day with her. This was entirely husband's fault for being stubborn and refusing to alter his plans.

If you're mad I hope it's at yourself.

But you must let it go, and make a promise to yourself to not be a doormat to your husband or mil.

Why on earth couldn't your mil include your mum and SIL?

Who are you furious with? Your mum and sister for not giving you more notice, or your MiL for not inviting them at the last minute?

I'm surprised you let that fly! If I was your MiL I would have accommodated two extra people or been willing to come to yours instead rather than leave the two of them on their own at christmas!

I don't think there's much use being angry now but learn a lesson from it - stand your ground next time. Also start planning a trip to them for next christmas.

I'm inclined to agree with Kurri

Why could your family not have negotiated their visit in advance?

Well your husband sounds fairly horrendous.

(Crossposted with people asking the same thing, sorry)

Who are you angry with - your partner for insisting you go to his mum's? Your Mum and sister for leaving it to the last minute and presumably expecting people to change plans for them? Or your MIL who doesn't appear to have done anything wrong?

I think this is a really good question.

Why did you leave them?? And why weren't they welcomed at your in-laws?? You should be pissed off if they weren't welcome but to just leave your family alone in your house on Christmas day after they flew to see you? Your mother and sister should have started a thread about their anger, you should be mortified at your behaviour. Talk about rude! I'm the plus side they will never come back at Christmas to see you do you won't have this issue again