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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to tell my SIL to go and take a running jump...

265 replies

OhJustPassTheCake · 10/02/2017 16:25

So I don't have a good relationship with my brother and his wife, unfortunately. I used to be great mates with my brother but since his wife came along (10 ish years ago now!) it's got worse and worse over time. She doesn't like to associate with family, preferring her friends over anyone and everyone. Her choice but makes a lot of situations awkward, especially as I would like my son to have a relationship with them and his cousins.

Anyhoo.... she has just text me to say that she is organising a surprise party for my bro's 40th in the summer, so I'm thinking, ooooh that sounds fun, I wonder what we'll be doing..... and then it says "so because everyone will be there I was wondering if you would babysit?"

After I spat my tea all over my keyboard and got over the shock, I typed back a very blunt and rude text but don't dare send it! How does she dare not invite us!??? I really wanna put her in her place but I also don't want to cause a bigger rift in the family...... what do I do Mumsnetters, WHAT DO I DO! I fucking hate the evil bitch

OP posts:
WeddingsAreStressful · 10/02/2017 19:58

She sounds rude BUT if I were to organize sth for DP's 30th I would definitely not do a joint friends+family thing. It just wouldn't work, the two groups of people are too different.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 10/02/2017 20:06

Not being funny, but what person gets to nearly 40 and doesn't have the wherewithal to know how her text would be interpreted? Ok, so maybe the party is friends only. But she's clearly worded it to let OP know she is purposely been excluded. OP isn't going to know why that is, and as the SIL has form for bitchiness I think we can be sure she has been very deliberate.

Or she's just thick as mince

honeyroar · 10/02/2017 20:09

Throw the grenade right back at her. Say you can't babysit as you're too looking forward to the party, as is your mum, dad, uncle aunt, cousin, next door neighbour, and everyone else you've spoken to. Tell her your mother is organising a coach as you speak, she just needs to know date and venue...

GabsAlot · 10/02/2017 20:09

take your bro out jsut u and him and specifially make a point that noone else is invited

SofiaAmes · 10/02/2017 20:16

I would respond to say that you can't make it as you have been planning a surprise party for your brother with only family attending.

FireInTheHead · 10/02/2017 20:25

I'm sorry but I see no way to spin this other than a deliberate exclusion of OP. Friends only party or not, who books a babysitter 6 months out? I've organized lots of parties and arranging a babysitter has been way down on the list of things to get in place 6 months out. And if OP NEVER babysits, and they don't seem particularly arsed to facilitate other opportunities for her to see dns when she's invited them, why would she be the 'go to' now? Surely if no family is invited, in this case the grandparents would be the logical people to approach for babysitting not the rarely contacted aunt.

eddielizzard · 10/02/2017 20:27

wow. i wouldn't respond for now. just give it time to settle. maybe she'll explain things to your mum or you. just wait.

ohfourfoxache · 10/02/2017 20:44

Have you spoken to your parents yet?

Original poster
OhJustPassTheCake · 10/02/2017 20:51

Yes, spoken to parents and they are aware of the party but won't be attending, they seem to think it's a friends only thing, but they are still horrified at my text as my brother and I have a lot of the same friends, so not only is he my brother but we kind of mix in the same circles too. I haven't replied at all, too confused!Hmm

the whole thing is upsetting really BUT all i f your replies have literally MADE MY LIFE! Thank you! xx

OP posts:
slinkysaluki · 10/02/2017 20:56

I'd definitely be unavailable for babysitting bloody cheek she's a user.

WeddingsAreStressful · 10/02/2017 21:03

Do NOT agree to babysit. You'll just sit there fuming because you will have been taken for a complete mug!!!

ny20005 · 10/02/2017 21:06

Wonder why she didn't ask your parents to babysit then ? All very weird (I have a very odd sil too)

I'd be tempted to stir her though, just for my own amusement lol

InvisibleKittenAttack · 10/02/2017 21:06

thinking about it more, I think others are right, she's only asking you to babysit now to make it clear that a) she's arranging something for his birthday, so you aren't tempted to do so, and b) you aren't invited. She won't really need to arrange a babysitter this far in advance, if you've never babysat for her before, and she found herself stuck, she'd ask you closer to the date, or book a paid for babysitter.

She wanted an excuse to tell you about the party whilst also making it clear you aren't invited.

I would pretend I'd not seen her e-mail and then next time you see your brother at work - "hi, just thinking about your 'big' birthday coming up later in the year, are you planning anything? If you want any help arranging a do, let me know. Hey, you could arrange to go away for a weekend, book a group cottage." Grin

ClopySow · 10/02/2017 21:10

Text back "sorry, i'll be in no fit state to babysit as i'll be getting shit faced with my brother"

Or be honest and tell her you're gutted that you're not invited.

Frouby · 10/02/2017 21:11

We had this with my SIL the other year for dbros significant birthday.

She didn't ask us to babysit. We only found out about his surprise party via fb. After the event.

Apparently she didn't invite any of his 5 sisters or his mother because it was a 'boys' night out. Not sure if the wives and girlfriends of his friends or sils friends, or wives of his colleagues or her mother, sister and female cousins misread the invites or if it was just his sisters/mother that weren't invited. Hmm

I haven't done anything about it yet. But having a surprise 40th for him pencilled in for in a few years time.

Will be a naice surprise for her anyway 😂

llangennith · 10/02/2017 21:20

SIL sounds a possessive and selfish piece of work. My family weren't close and I envied people who were part of a close knit family. I longed to be part of a family that had huge family parties.

DJBaggySmalls · 10/02/2017 21:21

Go to Moon Pig and put this on a card for her next birthday;

''Chutzpah' is best defined as a small boy peeing through someone's letter box, then ringing the doorbell to ask how far it went.''
Maureen Lipman
www.azquotes.com/quote/1165824

Henrysmycat · 10/02/2017 21:23

Omg! I had a sister in law like that. 15 years of sociopathic behaviour and alienation. She was gaslighting my brother. Worst human ever and I refuse this bs comments of seeing her side.
He got rid of her 3 years ago, after she started sagging a TEENAGE BOY 17 years hers junior (he was 19 but she was his tutor at 17-18) and was expecting my brother to accept it. Both her and my brother were 36!
He found now a lovely amazing woman who not only is lovely to him, she's accepting of us too. If anything, I love her and I'm very proud she's my SIL.
OP, I feel your pain. She's a bitch. There's no other side.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 10/02/2017 21:29

If you share a friendship group are there people who could make it clear to her that it would look like spite if she didn't invite his immediate family.

notangelinajolie · 10/02/2017 21:32

"Haha good joke! We would love to come to the party"

diddl · 10/02/2017 21:41

Have your parents been invited though?

i would say though that even if you have the same friends that doesn't make you their friends-although of course it is possible to be friends & Ils (so I'm toldGrin).

I think the oddest thing is asking you to baby sit when they don't usually.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 10/02/2017 21:45

Maybe she wanted an excuse for you not being there. "OhJust offered to babysit that's why she couldn't come" not "I'm a cow and didn't invite his family"

Insomnibrat · 10/02/2017 22:09

She is trying to manipulate you and will probably try to make you feel mega guilty if you say no.
You must say no, nip her behaviour in the bid, the cheeky bitch. Don't be her mug. x

Insomnibrat · 10/02/2017 22:09

*bud

PutABitofButteronTheSpudsAndre · 10/02/2017 22:19

Hmm, I'd be tempted to take the mega dose PA high ground.
'I'd LOVE to look after the kids, you guys have a fantastic night, make sure you let me know when the family get together is, or would you like me to arrange it as it must have been a lot of work getting this one together!! Mwah mwah etc...."