DH made comment about my overgrown lady garden

[Hugedickasaurus]

Sorry if this is Tmi and I have NC changed for this for obvious reasons!

DH and I haven't been intimate since our DD was born 8 months ago . I had an emergency C section, the recovery from it was brutal, in agony for months, my belly looks like it is 5 months pregnant still and I just don't feel confident or sexy. I have no libido right now, however we are working on it and for the most part he has been understanding.

As I have no desire for DH to be anywhere near "that region", it has gone from looking like an arid desert to quite frankly, a rainforest. I just can't be bothered to groom it other than trim it every now and then, as I barely have time to wash my face properly with DD. DH has seen the monstrosity a few times while I've been getting out the shower and we've had a bit of a laugh about it.

I have a smear test tomorrow. I announced earlier that I was off to have a shower and to hack through the jungle ahead of the test. He asked me what I was going to do, I said "shave it all off". To which he asked "why, it's not like you know the nurse, is she really going to tell anyone you know that you have a huge bush?".

I looked at him incredulously and said there's absolutely no way I would go to a nurse without grooming myself because i would find it absolutely mortifying to which he got a bit annoyed and said something like "oh so you can do it for a random nurse who you don't know but you can't keep it tidy for your husband, right; ok then". He then walked off in a sulk to bed.

aibu to think that if we are not having sex, it's up to me how it looks, that there's a clear difference between grooming yourself for a smear test vs doing it for your husband when you actually have a libido?? Not sure if maybe he is frustrated at the lack of sex and used this as an opportunity to have a dig

I'm going to go against the grain and say I think your DH has a point. Why would you care about what the nurse thinks?
Nothing wrong with not trimming, but it seems odd to make the effort for a medical app yet not for intimacy with your DH. Like wearing make-up for a dentist appointment but saying you can't be bothered for date night.

Referring to your unshaven pudenda as "the monstrosity" is rather sad to me.

There is nothing monstrous about the female form in its natural state.

Nettlecake - you are not going against the grain as many posters can see his view, and I agree, but just to point out - we are not having that type of intimacy hence why I'm not doing it. So if I do it everyday it would just be for his "viewing". When the intimacy returns then I will do it, as I did previously

I defiantly do not do it to resemble a porn star, and find it insulting to have people say that is the reason.

You may not personally do it to resemble a porn star, no, but the fact that it has become fashionable/normalised to go completely or nearly completely bare has been 100% driven by porn.

Just to turn the spotlight on someone else in this situation, I think your GP did you a disservice in saying 'leave it for a year'. What crappy treatment! I would go back - ask to see a different GP if you don't want to have a confrontation about it, though personally I would! - and say you'd like a referral to physio to help with your abdominal muscle problems. You are entitled to support with this and not to have it minimised or dismissed by your GP.

Just because a woman self identifies as a feminist and doesnt shave her pubic hair. Both these would describe me but there is only a loose link between the two as when i was a younger woman (im now 43) it wasnt the "norm"

I DO object to the notion that because i identify as a feminist and dont shave my pubes that i must be dirty. I do all the things Buster Gonad put in her post at 10.59

I bathe every day and wash my hair every other day (hairdresser says daily washing of hair can fade coloured hair)

I find it interesting that on these boards the NHS advice on obesity is taken as gospel and often used to bash overweight ppl with but the NHS advice on intimate shaving is met with mental gymnastics!

OP im half Italian so i can match you in a certain department believe me. But it also means i have long thick hair on my head which im always getting complimented on.

Im not sexually active as my DH is disabled. But i still have to have smears which are INCREDIBLY PAINFUL. So my worry when i go for one is the pain. Last time it had me in tears. Im certainly not going to fucking add to it by unneccessarily worrying about fucking hair down there. No chance.

bustergonad I wanna seriously??? A man shouldn't see his wife coming out of the shower??? Maybe if that's the case lock the door then??? Get your own room to get dressed in? Not be married at all???
Not at all but if the dh is going to make comments like that I would lock the door. Incidently, I don't feel comfortable walking around starkers anyway..and hate it when anyone walks in so yes..I lock the door for privacy!

"A man shouldn't see his wife coming out of the shower?"

Not if he's going to say horrible things about her body, no he shouldn't.

Just as a side point, but relevant to several comments in this thread; I think a lot of men do trim or shave their pubic hair.

The only stats I can find are for university age people. Whilst women shaved more regularly, 74% of male respondents had groomed their genitals within the last month (compared to 76% of women).

www.buzzfeed.com/carolynkylstra/pubic-hair-science?utm_term=.ccyaEkp0P#.wqjLG3Ze7

I read the comments about people not thinking the OP should see a doctor. The OP has said they have been in agony for months. That is not normal after a CS. The guideline I was given by my obn was that after 2 weeks you are supposed to be able to cope without any pain medication. If that wasn't the case she wanted me to come in ASAP. There are issues that can come up such as adhesions which are so so painful.

I had a terrible time with my first delivery which resulted in an EMCS. I had preeclampsia so it was a huge shock to the system to go through hours of labour after being induced and then the decision made to do a CS. The drugs made me loopy and I was just exhausted from labouring for so long. I live in a state here in the US where they have mandatory PND screening and if you have had a difficult birth, which they classified mine as, you have an automatic visit from the PND doctor. I had no idea how 'close' I was to PND until that man visited and his visit helped me to process everything that had happened.

Since being around other mothers who have suffered from PND it can show in many many ways. A lack of libido, a difficult birth and not taking care of your appearance when you normally do are all indicators that PND could be an issue. Of course it might not be, but that is why I suggest you go see a doctor and speak to them about this.