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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Want to gauge opinion re party invites. Would this make you want to refuse an invitation?

158 replies

KlingybunFistelvase · 22/01/2017 18:06

A relative of mine sent out emails a while ago inviting lots of us to their birthday party (it's a big birthday). The party is coming up soon and they haven't received any rsvps from anyone except immediate family, which is a bit sad, and I wonder if it's because the invite was a bit off-putting?

I'll not post the invite here, as don't want to put myself too much, but basically the email asked everyone to bring a dish to the party. It is a theme party, so the dishes are all supposed to fit with the theme. Everyone is meant to try all the dishes and it's meant to be a bit of fun I think. It's not that the relative doesn't want to provide food or that they can't afford it; tasting each other's dishes meant to be the entertainment I think.

I don't mind bringing something along at all, especially as I am family. In fact, I would have offered even if I hadn't been asked, but I suppose I am used to parties just being parties where the host provides food, drinks etc and everyone else just attends or offers to bring something.

Aibu to think the invite was a bit off-putting for some people?

OP posts:
waterrat · 22/01/2017 18:07

are you looking for things to get annoyed about? It sounds nice, someone is providing space for a get together and asking anyone who fancies it to help with food. why not?

Original poster
KlingybunFistelvase · 22/01/2017 18:08

I'm not annoyed! I'm trying to figure out why they haven't had any rsvps. I feel a bit sad for them. This is my relative who I care for a lot.

OP posts:
Allthebestnamesareused · 22/01/2017 18:09

Is it fancy dress too? It may all sound too much of a faff for some people. I would probably go if it was a good friend. Do people realise the email is the actual invite? Maybe they are waiting for proper invites as most people do send out formal ones for big birthdays. They may be treating the email as info only?

Original poster
KlingybunFistelvase · 22/01/2017 18:10

Fancy dress is optional, but yes, there will be fancy dress.

OP posts:
Haudyerwheesht · 22/01/2017 18:10

Not unless they had a reputation for being tight and wouldn't do the same for someone else.

Are the dishes complicated? I'm not the best cook but I'd just be honest and say I'll do what i can!

Haudyerwheesht · 22/01/2017 18:10

Not unless they had a reputation for being tight and wouldn't do the same for someone else.

Are the dishes complicated? I'm not the best cook but I'd just be honest and say I'll do what i can!

Original poster
KlingybunFistelvase · 22/01/2017 18:10

Oh and that's a point re invites...

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 22/01/2017 18:10

If I was relative I'd have ring round and remind people about the party

LaContessaDiPlump · 22/01/2017 18:11

That's a shame for your relative - I wouldn't be put off by that invitation myself, but I do like food Grin maybe it is just one of those weekends where everyone's busy?

Dilligaf81 · 22/01/2017 18:12

Have they sent a follow up invite asking if people can come for definate as i will read an email think ill reply then forget all about it.
I wouldnt mind making a dish to take but would have friends id never ask too as know they would hate it.

Timefor2 · 22/01/2017 18:13

In all honesty that might be more faff than I could bother with (particularly the fancy dress). I do think people are just useless with RSVPs though.

SheldonCRules · 22/01/2017 18:13

Yes it likely is. As a host you should provide not expect guests to do it for you.

She could still have the "themed tasting" even if she provided it herself.

The theme could be putting people off as well maybe.

harderandharder2breathe · 22/01/2017 18:13

Depends on the theme. Something I could do easily, no expensive or weird ingredients, that would be fine. Something super fiddly and requiring ingredients you can only buy at a certain shop at a full moon, that would put me off.

Fancy dress would also put me off tbh, even if it's optional I'd worry I'd be the only one not dressed up.

But I think people may not have realised they needed to rspv unlesss it was made clear in the email

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 22/01/2017 18:13

Maybe the 'taste every dish' sounds a bit full on? As a pescatarian, I wouldn't be eating any meat. Cealiacs (sp) etc? Maybe there is a sense of expectations of guests being higher than normal? Dunno...just thinking about it. Might just be me.

esiotrot2015 · 22/01/2017 18:14

I'd be put off by fancy dress, not by bringing something

expatinscotland · 22/01/2017 18:16

It would put me off to be told specifically what to cook/make. I don't mind potlucks at all, but 'You're making a pudding and it has to be X' would put me off. As does trying to force me into trying all the other dishes. And fancy dress.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 22/01/2017 18:16

It could just be that the invites were sent out a while ago and people have forgotten to reply or are still planning to? It's annoying but a lot of people are terrible about RSVP ing. I'd take Allthewaves advice and ring or text a quick reminder?

Not sure if the invite was off putting. I'm imagining a Great British Bake Off theme with guests being harshly judged on their dishes by someone dressed as Paul Hollywood for some reason.

SaucyJack · 22/01/2017 18:17

None of it would put me off, but I'm a bored SHAM and I like any excuse to get out the house and do summat difference.

Original poster
KlingybunFistelvase · 22/01/2017 18:20

They would definitely join in if they received the invite. It's not a complicated theme and there's no delegation - people can bring what they like as long as it fits the theme. It's a shame. I don't know why people haven't responded. Maybe they will before the day I suppose.

OP posts:
Original poster
KlingybunFistelvase · 22/01/2017 18:21

It's not Great British Bake off theme! Hopefully not that style either... I will suggest a follow up email maybe.

Thanks all.

OP posts:
user1484317265 · 22/01/2017 18:24

Depends on the theme,

tinydancer88 · 22/01/2017 18:25

I think it sounds fun.

Floggingmolly · 22/01/2017 18:25

The food thing wouldn't be an issue for me, in fact it sounds like fun. But the fancy dress aspect would almost certainly have me making my excuses...

Having it as "optional" doesn't really make a difference. Fancy dress is for kids only, in my book.

HelenaGWells · 22/01/2017 18:26

It is a faff to bring things, a further faff to bring something specifically themed and an even bigger faff to dress up. I imagine it may put a few people off.

Some people Hate fancy dress and will do anything to avoid it.
Some people hate themed parties.
Some people hate pot luck parties.

It does combine three things that can put people off. It won't put off the people who matter though who will come regardless.

WeeM · 22/01/2017 18:26

I think it sounds great! I know fancy dress does put some folk off but they could still come and just not dress up. I agree that maybe the initial email has been overlooked as the offial invite. I'd be tempted to suggest they send around a reminder and ask for rsvp by a Certain date.