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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Want to gauge opinion re party invites. Would this make you want to refuse an invitation?

158 replies

KlingybunFistelvase · 22/01/2017 18:06

A relative of mine sent out emails a while ago inviting lots of us to their birthday party (it's a big birthday). The party is coming up soon and they haven't received any rsvps from anyone except immediate family, which is a bit sad, and I wonder if it's because the invite was a bit off-putting?

I'll not post the invite here, as don't want to put myself too much, but basically the email asked everyone to bring a dish to the party. It is a theme party, so the dishes are all supposed to fit with the theme. Everyone is meant to try all the dishes and it's meant to be a bit of fun I think. It's not that the relative doesn't want to provide food or that they can't afford it; tasting each other's dishes meant to be the entertainment I think.

I don't mind bringing something along at all, especially as I am family. In fact, I would have offered even if I hadn't been asked, but I suppose I am used to parties just being parties where the host provides food, drinks etc and everyone else just attends or offers to bring something.

Aibu to think the invite was a bit off-putting for some people?

OP posts:

bummymummy77 · 22/01/2017 19:11

To be honest if you invite someone to an occasion or event to celebrate something I think it can be seen as bad form to ask people to bring dishes.

I know the intention was to make it fun but that's how it's seen even in the States where pot lucks and bringing dishes to dinner is the norm.

MadMags · 22/01/2017 19:13

Oh that sounds like a shite theme to me! Sorry!

Way too faffy and complicated.

Plus, having to eat loads of stuff some randomers have brought? It sounds hellish!

I wouldn't go.

NotThrowAwayMyShot · 22/01/2017 19:20

The era you were born in - yes that would put me off.

70's fancy dress would be my idea of hell & I don't even know what the food of the era was.

I wouldn't object to bringing a dish but I'm both a very fussy eater & don't have much time to cook.

bummymummy77 · 22/01/2017 19:22

I personally think it's fun but people can be miserable and lazy bastards.

ZombieApocalips · 22/01/2017 19:23

I wouldn't go because of the dress up expense (I'm not going to reuse any 70s clothes - especially shoes) and the faff of the food. (I have a kid with an allergy so easy options like cubes of cheese would be out plus I'd prefer modern or foreign food over 70s English fare.

ZombieApocalips · 22/01/2017 19:26

There's a thread recently about people expecting others to bring food to a gathering. I think the birthday girl should have provided food from her era and let people know that veggies, allergy sufferers would be catered for too.

TeenAndTween · 22/01/2017 19:26

I wouldn't touch that with a barge pole.
Hate fancy dress.
Have limited foods I would feel comfy bringing to a party, it being themed like that makes it 10x harder

But I would RSVP with a No thank you.

ShatnersBassoon · 22/01/2017 19:28

Oh lord, that theme really would involve too much research and involvement. I don't know what was particularly fashionable in the year I was born, and even less so what food crazes could be pinpointed to that year.

I imagine you'll end up with a lot of Black Forest gateaux and chicken kievs

ClashCityRocker · 22/01/2017 19:29

Nah, not a great theme....I was born in 87....can't think of owt particularly 80s that would be suitable and fairly simple and work as a pot luck party meal.

Findus pancakes and supernoodle casserole, anyone?

FlyWaxSleepRepeat · 22/01/2017 19:30

The theme sounds incredibly dull, the email doesn't really sound like an invite but more like an email of instructions for your attendance, fancy dress 'optional' means you run the risk of turning up and being the only one in fancy dress and looking like a twat, or being the only one not in fancy dress and looking like a twat, and I'd be waiting for the actual invite to arrive before officially declining.

CMOTDibbler · 22/01/2017 19:30

I'd happily take food to a party (travelling and time allowing, but even then usually you can sign up to bring crisps or whatever), and might be happy with a theme like american etc. But an era? I have no idea what I would make, would then have to trawl for recipes, practice it etc and then would worry about what there would actually be that is good to eat, esp as I'm coeliac.
Enforced fun, and fancy dress would seal it for me though, and I wouldn't go even for a family member tbh

GeekyWombat · 22/01/2017 19:31

I imagine you'll end up with a lot of Black Forest gateaux and chicken kievs

I don't know what it says about me that that sounds amazing!

NotThrowAwayMyShot · 22/01/2017 19:32

All the family parties I attended in the 80's involved ham sandwiches & chicken drumsticks.

carefreeeee · 22/01/2017 19:33

People are usually rubbish at replying.

I think all invites need to say 'Please RSVP by x date'
and even then you will probably still need to send another email after that date reminding people.

That is my experience - and I have friends who are good at coming to things on the whole but it wouldn't occur to them to tell you until the day before!

I wouldn't mind bringing a dish and I generally CBA with fancy dress so would just make a token effort - it wouldn't put me off going if I liked the people

TinselTwins · 22/01/2017 19:39

Re your OP: bring and share can be fun! They are UR if people invited are not local though.

re: I think all invites need to say 'Please RSVP by x date' - problem with that (from experience) is that people skim read, mistake the rsvp date for the party date, and get annoyed at you when they're phoning you from the (empty) venue 2 weeks before the party!

Kr1stina · 22/01/2017 19:41

I'd definitely decline such an invitatoin because

I hate fancy dress . I'm can't sew so I'd have to go out and buy something suitable which would be a lot of time, effort and money for something I'd never wear again.

I have no idea what to cook for that theme. I don't mind bringing a dish in general as long as it's something easy ( like bring a dessert )

I'm gluten free so would spend all night stressed because people would try to make me eat things that make me ill. And People get annoyed when you don't " join in the fun " .

Actually I'm feeling a bit anxious just typing this out .....

bimbobaggins · 22/01/2017 19:41

To be honest it does sound like a bit much and also could be quite expensive.
Out fit for dressing up
Food to make a dish
Birthday present ( I know you haven't mentioned gifts but people would usually buy a gift too)

nocoolnamesleft · 22/01/2017 19:42

Oh god. That's a really off-putting theme. Proper fancy dress can be fun to make, but some mock 70s outfit I wouldn't want to be seen dead in again? I'd also be pretty happy trying to come up with a dish relevant to a fair proportion of cultures/countries, but UK food is rather more fun now than in past decades. I'd definitely be working the date of the party.

Sara107 · 22/01/2017 19:44

Sometimes people are rude and pretty nasty about parties. We would tend to turn up at anything we're invited to! But have been to a few events that have been really badly attended. I remember a 60th bday where one of dh's then colleagues had invited everyone from work (about 100 people) and dh and one of his mates were the only ones who bothered to turn up. I think sometimes people just can't be bothered to exert themselves. Or they may just not have got round to replying and will all turn up unexpectedly! The good thing sounds quite a good idea but only if everyone makes an effort. I can imagine putting a lot of effort into a lovely dish and then having to hand it over and snack on some shrivelled pre cooked cocktail sausages that someone else has grabbed in the petrol station on the way.

LucklessMonster · 22/01/2017 19:48

Nah, not a great theme....I was born in 87....can't think of owt particularly 80s that would be suitable and fairly simple and work as a pot luck party meal.

I'm also a late-80s child and I have no idea what food was common then!

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 22/01/2017 19:49

I'm with geekywombat, lots of food from your childhood would be fun! Chicken Kievs, Findus crispy pancakes and Arctic roll

PanannyPanoo · 22/01/2017 19:51

was the email sent before Xmas? and therefore before people had calenders to write things on and remind them? An email sent before Xmas would have fallen right not of my memory and be pages back by now. I would send another email and an invite making it very clear the theme is optional and asking for RSVP by a particular date.

TinselTwins · 22/01/2017 19:52

in 87 everyone's birthday cake was that chocolate ganache hedgehog with choc button spikes

starters: grapefruit halves with sugar and a cherry on top

Mains: salads wot have raisins in??? rice salad with raisins, waldorf salad with raisins…. etc…

cheese and pineapple stuck in halved grapefruits covered in foil with cocktail sticks were still popular

Party rings

UmBongo (you can still buy this)

Jelly moulds were still in, as were trifles

TinselTwins · 22/01/2017 19:55

Outfit:

around '87 there was a bizarre "turn a teeshirt into a dress" craze! Oversized primary colour teeshirt with a belt on top to pull it in at the waist. That plus some bangles and red nail varnish.

Crimped hair: just plait when wet and then take it out and fluff it.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 22/01/2017 19:56

My mum always used to produce the half a grapefruit with cheese and pineapple sticks hedgehog with a flourish at parties

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