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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Want to gauge opinion re party invites. Would this make you want to refuse an invitation?

158 replies

KlingybunFistelvase · 22/01/2017 18:06

A relative of mine sent out emails a while ago inviting lots of us to their birthday party (it's a big birthday). The party is coming up soon and they haven't received any rsvps from anyone except immediate family, which is a bit sad, and I wonder if it's because the invite was a bit off-putting?

I'll not post the invite here, as don't want to put myself too much, but basically the email asked everyone to bring a dish to the party. It is a theme party, so the dishes are all supposed to fit with the theme. Everyone is meant to try all the dishes and it's meant to be a bit of fun I think. It's not that the relative doesn't want to provide food or that they can't afford it; tasting each other's dishes meant to be the entertainment I think.

I don't mind bringing something along at all, especially as I am family. In fact, I would have offered even if I hadn't been asked, but I suppose I am used to parties just being parties where the host provides food, drinks etc and everyone else just attends or offers to bring something.

Aibu to think the invite was a bit off-putting for some people?

OP posts:
MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 22/01/2017 21:00

It sounds like the kind of thing I'd tolerate for a relative or my best friend, but no-one else.

Who hasn't replied OP? If it's a wider friendship group or colleagues I think I would assume that your relative has mid-judged her audience (sort of) and it's not really their cup of tea.

(Early 70s - can't be arsed to look!)

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 22/01/2017 21:04

Good point, Manic, people should RSVP to decline, not just ignore the bloody invitation!

GloriaGaynor · 22/01/2017 21:12

Yeah I'm not sure I'd reply to an email invite unless it stated very clearly to RSVP.

Quite apart from the fact that outfit + cooking is a hassle.

TinselTwins · 22/01/2017 21:14

Yeah I'm not sure I'd reply to an email invite unless it stated very clearly to RSVP

It's rude not to reply to an invite one way or another, doesn't matter if the invite was email, text, verbal, or delivered by alpaca.

Katy07 · 22/01/2017 21:58

I'd have no idea what to wear or what to make, and I'd hate the idea of people tasting what I'd made for entertainment (and probably making negative "funny" comments). But then I don't do parties anyway.

GloriaGaynor · 22/01/2017 22:38

Depends on the circumstance Hyacinth. If it were someone I knew well I'd be talking to them on the phone anyway. I'd reply by email if I didn't know them very well.

A email invite is oddly causal. I might do that for drinks but not for a proper party. If I needed RSVPs I'd send invitations.

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 22/01/2017 22:53

I was born in 1970.... I didn't start cooking until 1986 so I wouldn't have a clue what to make from 1970.

Did the invite say " you will be expected to try everyone else's dishes.."

That, mixed with the theme and the fancy dress doesn't sound like a party I want to go to.

I couldn't even get drunk - horrible warm sickly sweet Blue Nun....!!!!

SpringerS · 22/01/2017 23:08

I think it sounds like a super party and would love to go. The only draw back to me is that I was born in the late 70s so my childhood era is the 80s and I have a lot of nostalgia for it. So I would show up in my mum's old Adidas t-shirt, some bootcut jeans (as they are sort of flared), feathered hair and some sort of avocado dish. Then spend the night being super jealous of anyone slightly younger than me wearing 80s garb.

Birdsgottafly · 22/01/2017 23:13

I love Fancy Dress, but hate 60's fashion, so I'd just give a nod towards it.

However I also love Vol AI Vents, so I'd bring enough for everyone, with a onion dip.

The cost of the food, is only the same as a present, if someone is on a budget.

This just needs a follow up reminder and that the costume is optional.

SpringerS · 22/01/2017 23:13

Thinking about it, could the problem be that outside of business use, email is almost obsolete? People don't really use it for organising fun stuff with friends anymore do they? Parties tend to get organised by setting up a Facebook event or a WhatsApp group. I have to remind myself to check my emails most days as I mostly just receive administrative emails and unless I'm actually expecting something specific, I don't really have any compulsion to check.

Birdsgottafly · 22/01/2017 23:14

It's a shame that Angel Delight doesn't travel well.

Xmasbaby11 · 22/01/2017 23:24

It wouldn't be my thing so I don't know if I'd go. The music was great but the food and dress sense was not!

Original poster
KlingybunFistelvase · 23/01/2017 07:56

The invite didn't say everyone had to try the food, it was something like "we want to try them all".

OP posts:
Trills · 23/01/2017 08:15

I think it sounds fun.

I don't think that people are waiting for a paper invitation - if you get an email about something you want to do, you'd reply to it.

cushioncovers · 23/01/2017 09:07

I hate and detest fancy dress (and karaoke) then it's bring your own food and sent as an email. Mmmm how lovely no until the party op? I wouldn't bother answering that until maybe the week before. Sorry

cushioncovers · 23/01/2017 09:12

**How long until the party ?

OneWithTheForce · 23/01/2017 09:17

Having spent too long on MN I am shuddering at the thought of all those different homemade dishes!

Original poster
KlingybunFistelvase · 23/01/2017 09:22

Still a few weeks till the party.

OP posts:
purplecollar · 23/01/2017 09:26

An easy party for me is round the corner involving me just turning up. This would need considerably more effort it's true.

I would think the email thing might be an issue. One of my main email accounts is so clogged up with advertising emails, I can miss some. Maybe your relative should call round and find out.

I say that because if I wasn't planning to go, I'd at least tell them that. It might be that they're waiting to see if x happens before committing. That's sometimes the case with us. Someone is ill, don't know if they'll be well enough. Dc's team might get through to next level and so won't be able to go. On the other hand might not.

HicDraconis · 23/01/2017 09:31

Sounds like a fab party :)

One of the best parties I went to was fancy dress/food themed - you had to pick a country and dress / bring a plate accordingly. I went as a Spanish señorita and made tapas. Was great. But I love parted - and I think half the fun is dressing up and bringing a plate to share.

HicDraconis · 23/01/2017 09:32

Love parties. I don't know why autocorrect got itself involved :)

CupOfTeaAndAbiscuitPlease · 23/01/2017 09:34

To be honest it all sounds like much to hard work. Fancy dress plus transporting food.

People just CBA nowadays to put a lot of effort in.

I really don't like fancy dress and so for that reason alone I would not go...even if there was an option to not wear it as I'd feel obliged too.

I also wouldn't want to eat the food as I would not know who'd made it.

LonelyImSoLonely · 23/01/2017 09:37

I think it was the implication that you had to try some food whilst being watxhed/guessing would be majorly not fun for me and everyone would be worried about saying "lovely" to someone's rank cooking.

Rather than just helping themselves and if they hated it just leaving it quietly on their plate

empirerecordsrocked · 23/01/2017 09:44

Did they ask for RSVPs specifically and with a date?

llangennith · 23/01/2017 09:45

Fancy dress AND bring food? It'd put me off. As other pp have said I don't want to have to 'try other people's food' or trust their standards of hygiene in food preparation
Sounds like your relative has made her party sound a bit complicated.
Perhaps she could re-issue the invitation saying no fancy dress, don't worry about bringing food and please come to the party.

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