Want to gauge opinion re party invites. Would this make you want to refuse an invitation?

[KlingybunFistelvase]

A relative of mine sent out emails a while ago inviting lots of us to their birthday party (it's a big birthday). The party is coming up soon and they haven't received any rsvps from anyone except immediate family, which is a bit sad, and I wonder if it's because the invite was a bit off-putting?

I'll not post the invite here, as don't want to put myself too much, but basically the email asked everyone to bring a dish to the party. It is a theme party, so the dishes are all supposed to fit with the theme. Everyone is meant to try all the dishes and it's meant to be a bit of fun I think. It's not that the relative doesn't want to provide food or that they can't afford it; tasting each other's dishes meant to be the entertainment I think.

I don't mind bringing something along at all, especially as I am family. In fact, I would have offered even if I hadn't been asked, but I suppose I am used to parties just being parties where the host provides food, drinks etc and everyone else just attends or offers to bring something.

Aibu to think the invite was a bit off-putting for some people?

I hate fancy dress to the point where I would happily hand over a dish in advance and wish them well, but you couldn't pay me enough money to go anywhere in fancy dress!

Themes put me off.

Wouldn't bother me at all, I've been to party's in the past which were fancy dress and we were asked to bring a themed dish. I think it's more likely that people have just overlooked the need to rsvp because of invites being by enrol? Probably a quick call or text to people to check if they're coming would sort it?

Does anyone else open these threads full of panic that it is about the invite they have just sent out?

That invite would send me into a tail spin, I am really fussy and food makes me very anxious. I have refused nights out on account of the menu. The whole having to taste everything would really put me off, so maybe it would others.

It does sound a fun evening, for people who like food.

God, I hadn't even considered that the fancy dress might be the issue!

Even if it ends up being just immediate family, then we'll still have fun. It's just a bit sad for my relative if nobody else fancies it. Oh well! Next time I'll suggest they scrap the theme idea! I thought it sounded really fun, but I might be odd . It could still just be people forgetting to reply.

I'd decline that invitation (although I would actually decline, not just not RSVP) as I'm not a big fan of cooking & also hate fancy dress so having a theme for both would be horrendous for me. I hope your relative has fun though as I have some friends who love all that stuff.

Fancy dress and having to politely eat strangers' offerings sounds like a bad night out to me. I don't like a lot of things that most people think are fun.

I too would send them my contribution of food and somehow swerve the actual event.

I love the concept but it could put me off it was the wrong theme for me or if the list of dishes to bring (I assume there was a list, to make sure there was a balance of dishes?). Most cuisines will heavily feature certain ingredients, so if you don't like or can't eat a couple of the major ingredients you know there'll be hardly anything you can eat. E.g. if it's Italian themed and you're lactose intolerant or gluten-free, it's probably not very appealing...

Forgot to finish that first sentence:

I love the concept but it could put me off it was the wrong theme for me or if the list of dishes to bring (I assume there was a list, to make sure there was a balance of dishes?) showed there would be hardly anything vegetarian for me to have.

It does sound like quite a lot of work for something that is meant to be fun. I assume that as it is a significant birthday the guests will also be expected to bring a present (and before you say they don't have to bring one, everyone brings a present to a "big birthday" party).

So they get an invitation to a party. They have got to: buy a present, make some food that everyone else will be trying (and judging) and sort out a fancy dress outfit. Hmm, I would have to love someone very much to get enthusiastic about that one. But I am a miserable old cow though.

No, there isn't a list as the plan was to ask people ahead of time what they wanted to bring and then the relative was going to fill in the gaps, if that makes sense. They said this in the email. It's a really easy, flexible theme (I think).

It sounds a bit faffy, and I'm not a foodie, but I'd go if it were someone I cared about.

Perhaps people thought that the email was a "save the date". Another email explicitly asking for RSVPs will do the trick.

It does sound like quite a lot of work for something that is meant to be fun.

This is exactly what I'm worried people think. It sounds fun to me because I'm family and would be making a fuss anyway, but to someone who isn't related to them, I'm worried it sounds like a big expectation. The email does say no presents, but I reckon people will still think they're meant to bring presents...

It would put me off, yes. The Fancy Dress even more so.

It sounds too much like "Organised Fun" for my tastes.

I love my relative, but "organised fun" abounds when they host anything. It is fun when you know them, but I get it when people don't want to join in. I possibly wouldn't either if I wasn't related to them!

It's a bit too much on the guests and next to nothing for the host to do bar book the venue and order any extra bits needed. Getting the guests to do the catering, come in fancy dress and take part in the theme will likely put the majority of bar those that feel they can't decline the invite as it's family.

It's a really easy, flexible theme (I think).

What is the theme? I think that's the most relevant info here.

I mean, this is a pretty specific scenario so if anyone is going to identify you they will already have done it!

It's a theme based

I love fancy dress but I am probably in the minority. It would put an awful lot of people off.

Bringing a dish wouldn't bother me...It sounds fun. I do however, hate fancy dress with a passion!

I saw fancy dress and thought straight away "there's your answer", fancy dress is just not my thing, I have in the past declined just because I can't be arsed, a fancy dress where you need to bring a themed dish?? No thanks, way too much fuss for a night out

A dish = no problem, a themed dish = pain in the ass

Sorry - wet hands on touchscreen made my phone go bonkers!

It's a theme to do with the era you were born in, so dress like the year you were born, make a dish for the year era you were born. That's the general idea. I thought it sounded fun, but is it off putting?

I don't think it's the theme, fancy dress or food that's putting people off, I think it's the lack of a traditional invitation (which is the norm for big birthdays, get stuck up on the fridge or whatever)

I think the email may have been seen as a pre-invitation informative email.

Agree too much fuss for a few hours. There's the cost of the food, cost of the fancy dress and then drinks on top so the host is simply putting it all into the guests. She can't really be surprised not many have accepted the invite.