Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at being asked for dinner and then told to bring food and drinks?

143 replies

Pininthedrawer · 19/01/2017 13:31

Is this how it works these days??

Whenever I have people round for dinner I would never expect to bring anything but themselves. Usually people bring a bottle of wine which is very kindly received.

However the last few times I've been asked round for dinner (three different couples), I've been asked to bring:

Pudding (for eight!)
Cheese board (for six)
And the latest one is 'pudding and drinks'!

Is this what having someone round for dinner is all about now?

Confused
OP posts:
scaryteacher · 19/01/2017 13:35

We've just been invited out to dinner by a colleague of dh's who I think is a single guy. I've offered to take pud as he works and I don't, and I enjoy cooking.

I did two puds for 8 the last time I went to dinner at a friends, but I offered as she was stressed enough with her dh dropping a dinner party on her at the last minute.

Roussette · 19/01/2017 13:36

No, it's not, it's a blimin' cheek!

If I have friends round, I cater for them! My lovely friends bring bottles of wine and gifts but I'd never ask them to provide food!

The only time I've done that is when a lot of us have got together and I've offered my house and we've done an american supper type thing, i.e. some bring puds or dishes for main... more of a buffet thing... and usually when it's 20 people

How many are going?

mouldycheesefan · 19/01/2017 13:36

I offer to take something but I wouldn't ask people to bring stuff to a dinner for 6-8. Yanbu.

Roussette · 19/01/2017 13:36

p.s. my friends only bring bottles of wine and gifts because they choose to, I don't ask them to!

Willow2016 · 19/01/2017 13:40

If you have been invited for dinner it usually means you come we feed you!
Yes take a bottle or flowers or something, yes ask if they want you to bring anything like a pudding (not enough for everyone but if everyone brought something different for pud it would make it interesting) but to dictate that you provide a whole course...naaaa not on.

You're the host you provide the grub unless its a bring your own bbq or something.

Why ask so many people to come if you cant afford to feed them? Is she asking for another couple to bring the main, starter? If so is the hostess actually providing anything?

AmeliaJack · 19/01/2017 13:41

I suppose it depends on what you think is the purpose of the meal.

Is it to eat someone else's food?

Is it to enjoy your friends' company?

If I invite friends to a dinner party I would always expect to provide everything but I have no objection to helping friends out by bringing a dessert etc. As long as they reciprocate when you are hosting it's not a problem surely?

Original poster
Pininthedrawer · 19/01/2017 13:41

It seems dinner parties are now becoming pot luck parties!

OP posts:
drivinmecrazy · 19/01/2017 13:46

Now you've really panicked me!
I've just asked a new friend and her kids over for dinner this weekend. She asked if she could bring anything and I suggested she bring dessert because we don't really have them. Also to bring a bottle of prosecco.
We will be drinking far more than the one bottle and I'll be providing plenty of food. I did it because I myself hate going empty handed so would rather know what I should take.
friend also asked what DH & I liked to drink.
I'm so excited about making a new friend, now worried I may have overstepped the mark!!

SparkleShinyGlitter · 19/01/2017 13:47

Generally when we invite people over we cater for them ( 2 courses/drinks/cheese board and chocolates) as that is what hosting is. You can't invite someone then ask them to bring half the meal!

We do however have 2 couples we get on very well with and we have a meal at one of our houses once month and one of us takes the starter, another a main and another the dessert. We are a close group of friends though

ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 19/01/2017 13:49

I've had people insist on bringing a pudding (although that would tend to be a family lunch rather than a dinner party) and I've said yes, but I'd never ask. Unless she's doing an American-style pot luck, in which case why not say that when you make the request? Bizarre.

Roussette · 19/01/2017 13:50

But that's fine drivinmecrazy, she offered and as you say you'll be drinking more than she's bringing so surely taking a bottle of prosecco and a pud is no different to what my friends do... they bring two bottles of wine and flowers or whatever (no one drives, we don't meet that often and when we do we get through a lot!)

CottonSock · 19/01/2017 13:50

Not unusual in my circle of friends. Why not...shares the work

Eatingcheeseontoast · 19/01/2017 13:51

I always quite honestly ask if there's anything people want me to bring - and am quite happy for friends to say - 'ooh, can you do the cheese?'.

UpWithPup · 19/01/2017 13:52

I think it depends what the invite was like, "do you want to come for dinner, can you bring pud" or "we're having a very formal dinner party" mean two different things to me. And I'd almost always choose option number 1!

mouldycheesefan · 19/01/2017 14:01

Accepting an offer of help is very different to requesting somebody bring something.
Surely people always take wine or other drinks you don't need to tell them to bring proseco I find that a bit cringey.

extrabiotin · 19/01/2017 14:08

I've never been asked to bring anything when invited to dinner.

I've never asked anyone to bring anything to mine either.

However..... guests have often asked if they could bring something and I ask the same of my hosts. Always the answer is "just bring a bottle"

Dessert is not too bad, if asked though.... I'd just buy it in anyway. Too much faff otherwise.

forforkssake · 19/01/2017 14:09

DH and I were asked to help clean up after being invited for dinner. I was put on washing up, DH drying and the hostess put stuff away...her DH sat at the dining table drinking the wine and eating the after dinner mints we had brought with us!

LaContessaDiPlump · 19/01/2017 14:12

I'm vegan so often offer to bring a me-friendly main or pudding.... alternatively if people come to us then I tell them they're welcome to bring their own meat or cheese Grin

Corialanusburt · 19/01/2017 14:13

How do you get a circle of friends? I know some different people but wouldn't go to the length of putting them all together for a dinner party.

SaltedCaramelEverything · 19/01/2017 14:15

My friends always offer to bring something. And regardless will turn up with drinks. I often take them up on the offer of pudding as I'm bad enough at cooking! Also it can be expensive to host so if you have friends in for a cheap night rather than go out, that's cancelled out by paying for food for everyone

For context am mid 20s and most friends haven't been able to get their own place yet, so perhaps they bring stuff as it has to be our placed used and they can't return the favour

TheMartiansAreInvadingUs · 19/01/2017 14:17

It depends on your friends doesn't it?
With my very close friends, we would do that. One person preparing the main bulk of the meal and then asking one to bring drinks or pudding.

If the meal is with people that I am not as close to, I wouldnt ask. But then if I was the person invited, I would always offer to bring something or automatically bring a bottle of wine or something. Isn't it how it works?

Love51 · 19/01/2017 14:19

My parents friend became disabled and preferred not to visit their house in his big new wheelchair. So my parents sometimes do dinner at their house, one time friends wife cooks, next time my parents cook.
Some friends we always take a contribution, I've realised there is a family we are friends with where neither of is ever takes anything and it's actually less faff both ways! They keep coming / inviting us so I assume they like us!

Pinkheart5915 · 19/01/2017 14:22

We never do if we are hosting we are hosting and we do it properly. Most guests turn up with wine or now and then chocolates which are kindly recieved but never expected.

We did however get an invite to one of dh friends a while back and just before we left to start the hours car journey we got a call saying "oh on your way can pick up some steak from the butcher and some wine" when we got there he didn't even offer us the money! I joked near dinner time by saying would you like me to cook it as well to which he replied no it's my dinner party. Cheeky bugger

cooltalkineverlivin · 19/01/2017 14:23

This could be a way to save money on the catering and at the same time shaming guests into spending more on a course than the host themselves would since they're only contributing one course.

Is it now the way a certain kind of person thinks nowadays? Possibly the same ones who as bride or groom make sure that wedding guests pay for their food and drink by 'gifting' the equivalent or more to the no doubt very happy couple. Confused

Also I have never, ever been invited to do the washing up, that's ludicrous. Did you hear the sound of sarcastic laughter behind you as you walked home?

Lemon12345 · 19/01/2017 14:23

If one person (who isn't an overly close friend/relative) is being asked to provide dessert for all the guest when it's more than 2 people/groups then what are the other guests being asked to bring?

If for example I went over to a colleague's for a dinner party and was asked to bring whatever I wanted to drink then that's fine. And I'd happily bring an extra bottle if anyone wanted to share. If I went to a close friends or my MIL's and was asked to bring pudding for everyone to help them out then that's fine... Or even a colleagues and asked to bring pudding for us and them (eg the two families) then still fine.
But being asked to provide for 8 people, assuming 8 adults so maybe 4 couples... Well what are the other couples bringing? Seems very odd.

Swipe left for the next trending thread