To be annoyed at being asked for dinner and then told to bring food and drinks?

[Pininthedrawer]

Is this how it works these days??

Whenever I have people round for dinner I would never expect to bring anything but themselves. Usually people bring a bottle of wine which is very kindly received.

However the last few times I've been asked round for dinner (three different couples), I've been asked to bring:

Pudding (for eight!)
Cheese board (for six)
And the latest one is 'pudding and drinks'!

Is this what having someone round for dinner is all about now?

[Bensyster]

I have a friend who has eaten at my house more times than I can remember - only ever bringing a bottle - although has politely asked if anything else was required. She is now hosting a birthday party but has decided that the least hassle, least expensive approach is to get everyone to make dish and she has instructed us in detail about what we are to make. I love her to bits but she is a bit funny with money - has more than enough - I suspect a few million put away but doesn't like to spend it.

[middlings]

Depends. Dinner with one other couple who are close friends? They will often say, "Shall I bring pud?" and more often than not I'll accept.

We have two families of close friends with children of a similar age and we often will have Saturday/Sunday lunch together and the visitors always bring pudding - fell into the habit ages ago. Honestly, a crumble/pavlova/pie isn't actually a lot of effort and therefore isn't much hassle for either of us to do ourselves or for each other but it does give the hostess one less thing to do which is nice.

A proper dinner party with more than one other couple? No. I'd say please don't worry about it but that's because I tend to think quite a bit about the balance of the meal and wouldn't dictate to anyone what to bring.

[RubbishMantra]

@Roussette - A bit like the BBQ version of the Emperor's Clothes! Oh, and that old (Aesop?) fable about the bloke who would turn up at random peasant's houses with a "magic cooking pot", that could make a lovely stew out of water. He'd ask them to add onions, meat, all the ingredients bit by bit, then proclaim, see, told you the pot was magic!

[TheMysteriousJackelope]

There is a huge difference between someone offering to bring dessert or an appetizer and the 'host' telling you to bring something.

If you can't afford the food and drink, or don't have time to cook, then instead of being the host you become the organizer of a pot luck 'Everyone come around to mine on Friday, I'll put something up on signupgenius so we don't get 15 plates of sausage rolls and a packet of crisps'. That is absolutely fine.

Getting praised and thanked for hosting a wonderful dinner when you only provided one third of the food and half the booze is just tacky.

[TENSHI]

Golly you can't be invited out very often op!

We have several invites a month, mostly weekly and a fantastic circle of friends where bringing dishes is the norm for some, one loves cooking and is single so we bring the numbers and wash up/put away after and another just likes to party and so we always bring a variety of puds to feed 10-15.

[Roussette]

RubbishMantra exactly! This was a long time ago but even now, when the word BBQ comes up one of us will say, yes but will it be a proper BBQ with food ?? A most bizarre evening!

[Roussette]

Exactly Jackelope! If it's a free for all round at someone's house, call it that. Don't say would you like to come to a dinner party, when you're just doing a stew and everyone else is providing the rest!

[SapphireStrange]

It depends on what you understand by the invitation. If someone said 'Come to dinner' I'd expect them to be providing it. I'd take crisps/drink.

If someone suggests a pot luck type thing, or explicitly suggests you all meet up at their house to eat, with people bringing different elements of the meal, that's different.

Golly you can't be invited out very often op! is a really silly thing to say. Maybe the OP is usually invited to the type of thing where the host says 'Come to dinner' and then provides dinner.

[NicknameUsed]

TENSHI well bully for you. I am happy for you that you are so popular. We very rarely get invited out either, but I am happy to take food and wine along to any social gathering.

[Camomila]

If it's just a close friend or two coming round and they ask if they can bring anything I might say pudding (anything from the supermarket is fine!) but if I was throwing a proper dinner party then I wouldn't ask people to bring stuff, no way.

I've been to a few BYOP (pudding!) parties, they've been fun. Host makes starter and main course and everyone brings a pudding, yum.

[Bensyster]

Golly you can't be invited out very often op!
We have several invites a month, mostly weekly and a fantastic circle of friends

Rude or boastful I can't decide. But to get all those invites you must have better manners with your fantastic circle of friends!

[GrumpyOldBag]

YANBU.

In my opinion, if you are invited to lunch or dinner, the only acceptable answer to "Can I bring anything?" is "Just yourselves".

However I would normally turn up with a bottle of wine or flowers or chocolates, and would be delighted if my guests did the same.

[morningconstitutional2017]

If I ask friends round for dinner it's because I'll be providing the food.
However, I have a very disorganised and forgetful friend who asked hubby and I round for an evening meal.
Whilst she put the kettle on for a cup of tea she asked us, "Have you eaten?" Oh crumbs.

[TENSHI]

OMG no wonder some of you have no invites and no friends with such stuffy, attitudes!

[purplefizz26]

That's cheeky!
If you are invited to dinner the host should feed everyone!

[Roussette]

Who says we haven't got any friends or invites Tenshi?!

I go to friends houses lots and they come here. If I say shall we share and everyone bring something, that's what we do. However, if I say I'd love to have you round for a meal (usually max 8), I provide it all because that's what the invite says. Any bottles gratefully received but don't expect my guests to do the meal!

[Talith]

I blooming hate pot luck suppers but I am an antisocial sod. I think either host and provide a dinner or arrange a different type of get-together. Guests shouldn't be given instructions.

[stoopido]

No I would never expect people to bring food. I do take drink and maybe nibbles if I am invited somewhere, again never expected I just do it. I also have a circle of friends and we do bring a dish night once a month and take it in turns to host.

[paxillin]

If I have to cook anyway, we do it at mine so I am not the one paying for a cab at midnight.

[zznotxy]

Offer to do the main course - and on the night tell them Dominos will be bringing it in a while. Totally out of order, go round and drink them out of house and home 😄

[pinkunicornsarefluffy]

Our social circle does this all the time because nobody can afford to cater "dinner parties " any more. Our group consists of anything from 4-8 couples. So basically one will provide the venue, and then also has all the washing up etc to do, and the guests take their own drink and some will take starters, some desserts, and the host provides the main. Then next time it is held at somebody else's house so everyone takes it in turns to house and to provide the main course. We each take what we like to drink, so no problems there, and you also take it home again.

It works well and means that no one family has to stand the cost of the catering. If we didn't do it this way then we wouldn't socialise half as much as we do as we couldn't afford it.

You say this has happened several times now, so presumably it could be similar for your friends and everybody is just splitting the cost of having people round.

[WaitrosePigeon]

It's fucking cheeky and I would probably decline or 'forgot'.

It can you can't afford to host, you can't have a party!

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

OMG no wonder some of you have no invites and no friends with such stuffy, attitudes!

TENSHI, this is just plain rude. It's a wonder that you have any friends at all if this is typical of the way you speak to people.

[NicknameUsed]

Although TENSHI likes to boast that she has loads of friends I kind of agree with her. I don't see why folk can't invite their friends around for a shared supper. Waitrose do you only have to be rich to socialise?

[saltandvinegarcrisps1]

YANBU. This was v common when we lived in Oz. They invite you round and you are expected to "bring a plate". Same at BBQs - people bring all their own food and drink then just cook it there. I thought it strange at first - why would you ask friends to bring food - surely it would be someone else's turn to host the next time? Then I realised half the people invited were remote acquaintances rather than proper friends therefore the hosts might never see them again - I think Ozzie's are a wee bit tight. on a slightly different note - went on a work Xmas lunch (15 of us) and they asked for 15 individual bills as they would only pay for what they had. I was