To be annoyed at being asked for dinner and then told to bring food and drinks?

[Pininthedrawer]

Is this how it works these days??

Whenever I have people round for dinner I would never expect to bring anything but themselves. Usually people bring a bottle of wine which is very kindly received.

However the last few times I've been asked round for dinner (three different couples), I've been asked to bring:

Pudding (for eight!)
Cheese board (for six)
And the latest one is 'pudding and drinks'!

Is this what having someone round for dinner is all about now?

[Cricketwidow59]

I love cooking and all my friends know that, I always offer to bring something but they consider it my time off, so I would send my apologies that I was busy that evening and unable to attend, unless I was happy to cook, are your friends strapped for cash? If not make a terrible job of what you make they won't ask again, just a thought.

[jwpetal]

Oh my. We do this for special parties. It is an American thing, but just realised I invited 2 more families without explaining how the evening works. The first is for Thanksgiving and the second is Burn's night. Part of the issue is that people have young children and there is no way we could host these dinners without assistance. It is sheer numbers and is more fun with more than less. We do the main meal for Burn's night. It is the extras that the children consume in huge quantities. I would say that if you don't like it, don't go. If you are taking your children, understand that feeding a family is expensive. Personally, I don't mind but that is cultural and I always ask if I can bring something as I recognise the additional cost hosting a meal brings. It is the company that I cherish.

[unhappywskid]

I believe if you're feeling annoyed, no, YANBU, as you didn't expect these people to ask you to bring stuff to a party. I take it that's not common in your circle of friends, then. I'm Brazilian, though, so I guess there are cultural differences involved. I would never ask ppl to bring food unless I were going pot luck. And I also don't expect ppl to ask me to bring something. I think if you're hosting, catering comes with it, right?

[unhappywskid]

No, YANBU. Here in Brazil, if you're hosting, you're catering. Simple as that. Unless you're going potluck, but that should be very clear when you make the invitation.
It is OK to bring a bottle of wine or chocolates, though, but only because you want to, not because you were asked to.

[Jaxhog]

No problem if you're invited for a 'pot-luck- dinner i.e. everyone is bringing something. Not for a normal dinner party.

[Roussette]

If I hadn't had a conversation in advance and agreed with a guest that they, for instance, bring a pud, I would think it was a bit odd.

Obviously it's totally different when it's all been agreed that everyone chips in but for a dinner party for 6, whereby someone brings a pud, I'd be miffed. I plan a three course meal with dishes that compliment each other. i.e. if the starter is quite rich, it's a light pudding, or if it's a light starter, it might be a more substantial pud and I don't want someone's Birds trifle they knocked up. If anyone says "is there anything I can bring?" I answer saying "no no, just yourselves and a bottle if you like". If they then brought a pudding I would think it was rude.

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

No, it is absolutely not normal to invite people for dinner and then ask them to provide half of it!

The joy of going out to dinner is that you don't have to cook! (or one of the joys anyway).

[Jotim02]

I think it depends what kind of friends they are, not my work colleagues but my genuine friends I would, and I would always offer to bring a pudding. I think people don't invite people round as they make it into such a major deal. I invite poeple round to share in our life as a family, washing up included, I think it makes people feel more welcome and at ease and it means we do it more often, like every other week

[febel]

Dpends on who it is you are having for dinner I guess..I certainly would be taken aback to be invited out and then asked to bring a dish if I didn't know the people well.
We have some friends who, years ago when kids were little, used to bring something when they came (offering and then if accepted checking what to bring with us first, eg:pudding for kids) and we would do same when we went to theirs. We have older kids now, who don't neccessarily want to stay in/go theirs (ignore that...yes they do..anything for free food and a good time when adults are merry....)
These days I would hope when I ask friends for a meal they would bring a bottle of wine, but I certainly wouldn't expect them to bring food, and would be taken aback if they bought it. However, if we are catering for a large party, as we did at New Year, then our circle of friends all bring something...it is usual and expected if there is a big gathering, no matter whos house we gather in as otherwise it would be very expensive for the party giver. Particularly as these days kids want (and obviously it is ok) to bring boy/girlfriends, which inflates the numbers if they choose to come!

[exLtEveDallas]

I tend to say to guests "just bring whatever you will be drinking" because DH only drinks one type of Lager, and I rarely drink, so we don't have things like wine/cider/bitter or lots of bottles of spirits about. We also tell them to take home their leftover bottles because it would be wasted at ours. (Although it often ends up that I'll make a large Punch or Pimms and everyone ends up drinking that anyway!)

I do all the food though.

[TorchesTorches]

I had an ex flat mate so invited me round for a dinner party for about 6 of us. I was a bit surprised to be invited as he was a bit 'tight' with his cash. Anyway, I was asked to bring wine when i was invited. So far, pretty normal. Then later i was asked to bring pudding. Fine, i thought, i will bring pudding. Then he asked me to also bring a part if a dinner service (plates and bowls) where we had both bought the same one. Fine, i thought, i will bring the plates and bowls i have. Then on the day he phoned me up to say he didn't have enough chairs and could i bring a chair with me. At this point, i thought i should really just stay behind, sit in my chair, eat my cooking of my plates and drink my wine! I didn't, i just said i couldn't carry it all in the bus, but if he picked me up AND dropped me back i would bring the chair. He was also lazy so then allowed me not to bring a chair. I wish i hasn't gone as i felt pissed off when i discovered i was the only person asked to bring all the extras (including wine) and i was clearly just invited as a provider of things and he pretty much ignored me. I also never got invited to anything else of his again. No loss! He was an idiot!

[EmeraldScorn]

If I'm invited for dinner at someone's house, then I expect them to provide the food but I always do two things; 1) Ask if I can bring anything (the answer is always no) and 2) Bring a decent amount of alcohol (and flowers depending on who the friend is).

If I invite people to dinner at mine I do not want anyone bringing contributions to the meal, it's kind of them to offer but I always politely decline. I don't expect gifts either but it is nice when people bring me fancy chocolates, although I wouldn't think less of someone if they brought nothing.

As far as I'm concerned if you've extended an invite to whoever to welcome into your home, then nothing should be too much trouble and nothing should be expected from the guest(s).

I find it really bizarre (and cheap) when people actually ask others to bring food.... Don't invite if you can't provide!

[PlushVelvet]

I do think it's kind of rude for people to bring food if I've invited them for dinner, or even more casual supper. It suggests they don't think my food will be good enough for them.

I'm happy for people to bring wine, although I always have enough, but I plan a dinner menu reasonably carefully.

[MrsHathaway]

I don't think bringing a pudding is necessarily rude.

Bringing a pudding and insisting it be served regardless of the host's plans and preparations is what was described upthread and is definitely rude.

Friends of mine ask for "a cheese of interest" when hosting. Their cheeseboards are then Entirely Epic.

[Lartma2]

When I was first married my group of friends and I took turns to host( provide venue) but as we were all skint we each brought contributions to starter and dessert. 'Host ' always did main course. As we got older and children came along it was a treat to go for dinner and not have to prepare any food . Returning the hospitality never felt onerous and we each appreciated the chance to relax 3 times out of 4. On the whole I'd say it's rude to expect guests to bring food, unless close friends as in my case who all agreed that this was the best way for us to socialise relatively cheaply. . Rude if it's not a close friend or if a work acquaintance I think.

[Ollypop1]

We were invited to dinner as a thank you for helping them out, out of courtesy I asked do I need to bring anything and was told bring cheese and biscuits and whatever you like to drink! I took cheese, biscuits,grapes and flowers and after dinner mints. I then found other guests were asked to bring starters and desert. During the meal the bottle I had bought was shared and soon finished with no other to share after! My cheese and biscuits were polished off but when I suggested opening the after dinner mints my host said oh let's wait and they were never opened! We also had to contribute to the entertainment!

[Cricketwidow59]

I always offer to take dessert because I love baking, but that's me.

[GreyhoundzRool]

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