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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To purposely create a child who'll be a minority?

250 replies

sweetgo · 13/01/2017 19:11

Hiya,

Currently looking at sperm donors. I think I've found the right one, he's Korean. I only have a little information on him, but obviously know he is Korean. This isn't a debate on people's views on sperm donors.

Child would be brought up in the UK, if successful obviously, and would be mixed race (1/2 Korean). Therefore, they would be a minority, is it wrong to worry about racism, etc.?? WIBU to purposely go for the Korean donor knowing they could potentially experience racism, etc.?

OP posts:
TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 13/01/2017 19:14

I think if you're even worrying about this then you are not ready to have a half Korean child.

GeillisTheWitch · 13/01/2017 19:14

I think you're over thinking it. If you'd met a Korean man and had a relationship would the fact that your child would be half Korean put you off TTC? If you feel this donor is right for you then go for it.

ConvincingLiar · 13/01/2017 19:15

What makes him the right donor?

bonfireheart · 13/01/2017 19:16

No offence but how will people even know the child is half Korean? They'll either assume the child is Korean or English. So they'll be treated no differently to a child who is 100% Korean or 100% English.

albertcampionscat · 13/01/2017 19:16

How do you feel about learnung Korean?

Bettydownthehall · 13/01/2017 19:16

How would you offer the child knowledge and experience of their culture?

Grilledaubergines · 13/01/2017 19:17

Do you live somewhere backward-thinking?

Pestilence13610 · 13/01/2017 19:17

Why do you want a Korean sperm donor you know very little about.
What is his USP?

Lndnmummy · 13/01/2017 19:18

Where do you live OP? Is the area you live in diverse?

neonrainbow · 13/01/2017 19:19

Why is he the one?

lottiegarbanzo · 13/01/2017 19:22

Learn Korean? His culture? Do people using Danish sperm (most UK recipients, I believe) learn Danish and immerse the child in Danish culture? Um... No, they don't.

haveacupoftea · 13/01/2017 19:23

Racism still exists, and your child will have to suffer from it without even experiencing the benefits that come from having ancestors from a different country such as belonging to the community, knowing the language, visiting family in Korea, eating the food etc...I don't think I would do it.

TheoriginalLEM · 13/01/2017 19:23

but betty is the child's culture Korean? genuine question as i am not sure. His father would essentially be untraceable.

I think there are definitely issues but i would say if he is the most suitable donor then do it but surely there are other donors equally suitable.

Genuinely on the fence here.

Would you have more children do you think?

Backingvocals · 13/01/2017 19:24

The general advice is to use a donor who shares your ethnicity unless there are very specific reasons not to. I have donor conceived children and there is enough that is unknown to me about them without adding ethnicity into the mix.

Crowdblundering · 13/01/2017 19:26

My son is half Asian and half white English.

I think he looks much more like his dad (who is Asian) but not that many people know from looking at him (he has v olivey skin and his eyes have the Mongolian Hood).

He has never once experienced racism in his life - and I think you are being utterly ridiculous.

Original poster
sweetgo · 13/01/2017 19:26

I suppose the reasons I want this sperm donor are quite personal? I have read through pages and pages of info about his lifestyle and medical records. His career and education, etc. I seem the most connected to him, but know little about, I mean in the grand scheme of things. I have felt connected to another donor, but they will not allow future child to contact them at 18 or provide a letter for child to read, which is what I'm looking for as I'd like my child to have the opportunity to at least contact their father if they want to when they're an adult.

OP posts:
MoreThanUs · 13/01/2017 19:27

How do you plan to meet your child's need for understanding their history / culture?

Original poster
sweetgo · 13/01/2017 19:28

How am I being ridiculous? I'm in an area where most of the schools have vary few children from different backgrounds.

OP posts:
Crowdblundering · 13/01/2017 19:29

I live in an area where 0.4% of the population are non white.

user1484317265 · 13/01/2017 19:29

Learn Korean? His culture? Do people using Danish sperm (most UK recipients, I believe) learn Danish and immerse the child in Danish culture? Um... No, they don't.

As if that is remotely the same thing!

Crowdblundering · 13/01/2017 19:30

Well presumably white or not you child will be in a minority coming from a one parent family?

Original poster
sweetgo · 13/01/2017 19:31

Crowd and? Your child is still more likely to experience racism, isn't he? I don't understand how that's a ridiculous thing to see.

OP posts:
Backingvocals · 13/01/2017 19:32

crowdblundering you mention a dad in your scenario. That makes things utterly different. Im not sure if the OP is single or not but with a DC child there are very different issues for children about their heritage than for most dual heritage children.

Crowdblundering · 13/01/2017 19:32

I think it's a ridiculous thing to worry about.

It's like worrying the child might be a homosexual and experience homophobia.

My son knows that if anyone ever gave him any racist abuse that they are a moron and to steer clear of them.

Crowdblundering · 13/01/2017 19:33

I am not with his dad.