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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am but 3rd white wedding?

199 replies

Exileinengland1999 · 09/01/2017 20:51

A friend of mine is getting married for the 3rd time at age 43 and having her 3rd white wedding with the 3rd load of bridesmaids etc.

I know I have got major judgy pants on but Aibu to think it's a bloody waste of money.

I know- I'm being a major judgy cow and totally U and people can spend their money on what on earth they want but seriously, 3 massive white weddings? Would you not just get sick of spending 20k plus each time and think fuck it, let's just head down the registry office and to the pub!
God, I sound a horror don't i?! Blush I just don't get the expense of it all.

OP posts:
PetalMettle · 09/01/2017 20:53

Her money, her choice. Arguably all big weddings are a waste of money. Yabu and a bit sneer-y

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay · 09/01/2017 20:53

It's up to her isn't it. I think for some people it's important to think of it as the first time, even if it's not.

It might be about what her fiancé wants too.

hesterton · 09/01/2017 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklingbrook · 09/01/2017 20:53

I agree. I don't think I could summon up enthusiasm for that. Have you got to go as well?

MirandaWest · 09/01/2017 20:54

Do you know how much it will cost? I've had two weddings but neither cost £20k. Not intending to have a third though.

PurpleDaisies · 09/01/2017 20:54

Would you not just get sick of spending 20k plus each time and think fuck it, let's just head down the registry office and to the pub?

I couldn't bear to part with £20k for my one and only wedding.

Other people are entitled to spend their money however they want.

Sparklingbrook · 09/01/2017 20:55

She will run out of bridesmaid colour schemes at this rate. Are the bridesmaids always the same ones?

Original poster
Exileinengland1999 · 09/01/2017 20:55

I'm really not intending to be sneery at all- I just can't get my head around it. I will be going and I am very happy for them.

OP posts:
PetalMettle · 09/01/2017 20:57

That's good. Sorry have no idea why I was so touchy (have only been m once), it just seemed like because it was her 3rd she should hide away somewhere

thecolonelbumminganugget · 09/01/2017 20:57

You do sound a horror, yes.

Their money, their choice.

If every payday they wanted to draw their salaries out in cash and dance naked around it as it burned that is just as legitimate as whatever you spend your wages on.

Original poster
Exileinengland1999 · 09/01/2017 20:57

I've been to the other 2 as well Confused

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityyhat · 09/01/2017 20:57

Yanbu!

I am pretty judgey about any massively expensive traditional white wedding. But that's because I'm a feminist and a cynical old so-and-so who hates fripperies. I think we are way too romantic about weddings and marriage.

An ex gf (who I really liked, lovely woman) of a friend of mine got married and I saw her photos on FB. She had a strapless white meringue type dress and she's about 50ish. I just thought: why??

ApocalypseNowt · 09/01/2017 20:58

Well it's probably not the norm but if she's got that kind of money or she's marrying men that do and wants to spend it that way then good for her!

Oysterbabe · 09/01/2017 20:58

My uncle's had 4, each more extravagant than the last. At his last wedding he was "joking" about how he'll have to start saving immediately for the next one.

Sparklingbrook · 09/01/2017 20:58

So are you buying present number 3?

Only1scoop · 09/01/2017 20:58

Very judgey Op but I secretly agreeGrin

Hardly the blushing bride this time around.

user1480946351 · 09/01/2017 21:00

I know I have got major judgy pants on but Aibu to think it's a bloody waste of money

Not your money though, so why care?

PandoraMole · 09/01/2017 21:00

It wouldn't be my thing but I don't think I could that worked up about someone else doing it tbh.

Marmalade85 · 09/01/2017 21:01

They can spend their money how they like but I wouldn't bother attending if I attended the first two.

daquee101 · 09/01/2017 21:02

Might turn into a cancel the cheque situation

FatOldBag · 09/01/2017 21:02

If she enjoys it, more than she'd enjoy something else costing £20k, then it's not a waste of money to her, is it? You don't sound great tbh. Why shouldn't she spend her money on something she likes, just because you wouldn't choose to?

GetAHaircutCarl · 09/01/2017 21:02

My friend has had three big weddings.

Bit daft but for his bride(s) it was their first time so they wanted it. And each time he has thought 'this is it'.

BarbarianMum · 09/01/2017 21:04

I had a friend who got married 3 times in 8 years. I'd say by the third time we gathered to watch her make vows of unbreakable love most of us were feeling a bit jaded and sick of shelling out ££££ in hen nights/hotels/gifts. IME big white weddigs come with lots of costs to guests too.

WannaBe · 09/01/2017 21:05

No I agree with you, but not just because of the fact that it's the third wedding of its kind but because IMO and IME time and age makes one realise what matters and what doesn't iyswim.

My wedding to eXH wasn't hideously expensive but was expensive enough, and even looking back I don't regret it or the way we went about it etc.

But now I'm engaged to DP, and if we ever make it to the wedding stage (currently living apart with no prospects of being able to change that so wedding looking unlikely at this stage,) there's no way I could consider spending a load of money I don't have on just one day. It's the marriage which is important, and there are many ways to celebrate without having to go into debt to the tune of thousands or sell off the family silver.

Backt0Black · 09/01/2017 21:06

YABU and coming over a bit snarky. If she wants to celebrate a subsequent just as much why she should be told to rein in her excitement?