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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am but 3rd white wedding?

199 replies

Exileinengland1999 · 09/01/2017 20:51

A friend of mine is getting married for the 3rd time at age 43 and having her 3rd white wedding with the 3rd load of bridesmaids etc.

I know I have got major judgy pants on but Aibu to think it's a bloody waste of money.

I know- I'm being a major judgy cow and totally U and people can spend their money on what on earth they want but seriously, 3 massive white weddings? Would you not just get sick of spending 20k plus each time and think fuck it, let's just head down the registry office and to the pub!
God, I sound a horror don't i?! Blush I just don't get the expense of it all.

OP posts:
MirandaWest · 09/01/2017 21:46

We didn't get into debt for this wedding by the way. And I don't know what makes a wedding count as extravagant. Ours didn't feel extravagant - was just a lovely day with friends and family there. And I wore a wedding dress and got married to the man I love.

TheAntiBoop · 09/01/2017 21:46

Does she have a gift list?

HorridHenryrule · 09/01/2017 21:48

My partner said to me that I cant wear white for the wedding because I'm not a virgin and we have kids together. He said that its about the woman being pure and her is going to take her virginity that night.

Is there any truth in what he's saying?

Blacksox · 09/01/2017 21:51

It's nice to still be romantic and hopeful and get married yet again, but it's also slightly embarrassing and a bit daft to do it in white for the 3rd time.

GimmeeMoore · 09/01/2017 21:51

I'm aghast your even asking about that dribble about white dress must be worn by virgin
Do you always do what your op tells you horridhenry?
If you want a white dress,wear one. Your op is adjudicator in marital etiquette

MitzyLeFrouf · 09/01/2017 21:52

Well traditionally that's what the white dress represented Horrid, but if you want a white dress you get yourself one! How many brides these days are virgins? Not many!

MakeItStopNeville · 09/01/2017 21:53

3 marriages by the age of 43 is pretty impressive going. She's either a BIG fan of being the bride or eternally optimistic. I think I'd be feeling a jaded wedding guest too, OP.

MitzyLeFrouf · 09/01/2017 21:54

Seven weddings! In my life I haven't met 7 men I'd want to go on a two week holiday with never mind seven men I'd want to marry!

TheAntiBoop · 09/01/2017 21:54

Traditionally the white dress did symbolise purity/virginity

These days you can wear what you like! Pure white isn't flattering on most people though - does he object to off white?

GimmeeMoore · 09/01/2017 21:55

I know someone who had 2 failed marriages,under 30
Current cohabiting planning 3rd wedding

Willow33 · 09/01/2017 21:57

I know so many people who can't find one person to get married to. How is it some people can find 3?!

misses point of thread

hungryhippo90 · 09/01/2017 21:57

TBH my wedding was cheaper, and i regretted not going away and eloping.
By the 3rd go I wouldn't be having a proper wedding, I'd be a bit selfish and go do it on a beach somewhere. I think it's lovely that she's out herself through the planning of a wedding 3 times though! Better woman than I!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/01/2017 21:57

I was going to say I guess it depends on whether or not it was the groom's first wedding, but see it's his second as well, in which case I do agree with you, judgy though that makes me too.

Some men like the whole "Big Day" thing too - so if it was his first, I could understand better why they might be doing it - but presumably he had that all the first time around as well!!

Meh, in the end, yes it is their money and how they choose to spend it but I'd be secretly agreeing with you about it being a bit daft.

Charlesroi · 09/01/2017 21:58

I was bridesmaid for someone this year in her third big white wedding and there was much drama as her DF said he wasn't willing to give her away again as she kept coming back

"Who loaneth this woman to be wed ..."

honeyroar · 09/01/2017 21:59

One of my friends had a church wedding first time round, a registry the second, and a foreign destination wedding the third. We tease him that he could be a wedding advisor/planner! To be fair, each of his brides was on their first wedding.

Personally I was embarrassed that I was bothering my friends and family again when I got married, I'd previously been jilted just before I should have married my ex. So we kept the wedding low key. It was my husband's second.

I don't think I'd bother more than twice! And if you must, you should make each wedding simpler. But that's just me. I never wanted the huge white wedding and don't really enjoy fussy weddings.

HorridHenryrule · 09/01/2017 21:59

No I just wanted to know if there was any truth to it. I wear what the fuck I want to wear thank you very much. I was just curious walking away now, walking away.

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 09/01/2017 22:01

but if you're expected to buy a gift, travel, stay, buy a new dress, transport etc then it is going to cost you

^This. How many gift lists do you need before it starts to take the piss.

SillySongsWithLarry · 09/01/2017 22:03

I've had 2 weddings and I'm not yet 30. Both weddings in the same church. My bridesmaid at the first wedding is now my SIL. DH was the DJ and worked behind the scenes at my first wedding. Second wedding was a big white extravagant day. As second DH was my best friend before he became DP then DH I would be very surprised if this one failed so there won't be a third big white day.

BabychamSocialist · 09/01/2017 22:11

IggyPopsicle

Yep, we went to all seven!

We do actually like her and she has been with the bloke now for going on 10 years so obviously this one was the right one. I just like weddings and free booze.

I can count my sexual partners on one finger hand so god knows how people find several people to get married to!

Crumbs1 · 09/01/2017 22:16

I'm even more judgy - it's about the weddings not the marriage!

pictish · 09/01/2017 22:20

Yanbu...to each their own but i agree with you. I couldn't be bothered either.

blackcherries · 09/01/2017 22:21

yabu - just because she's been married before she has to act differently because she's now 'not a virgin' (oh please!) and is now making a grown-up sensible sober decision rather than the silly romantic dreams of a white wedding?! Kind of insulting to both parties if you buy into that.

I think feeling pressured to have a different wedding just because it's not your first is just as bad as feeling pressured to have a white frilly wedding when you don't want one. Your wedding, your choice!

corythatwas · 09/01/2017 22:28

There's all sorts of things I can't get my head around: why anyone would want to holiday in Las Vegas, spend money on an expensive car, buy designer handbags, have spa days. All seem like a stupid waste of money to me. But then it is quite possible that some of the things I like to spend my money on seem like a stupid waste to some all sensible people.

If you have the money and nobody is going to suffer from your spending it, then why not spend it on something you want?

Dh and I didn't have much of a choice about our (large, white) wedding as my DM was paying for it and it was pretty clear this was something that she needed to get her through that time. In retrospect, I don't feel it was a waste: it was a good day, people enjoyed it, it was her money to spend, it made her feel better and had no ill effects on us. In terms of understanding as time goes by what really matters, I think I have understood more and more why this one did matter.

I'd be very surprised if any of the brides whose weddings I have attended were virgins- with the possible exception of some cousins who were Seven Day Adventists.

SheldonCRules · 09/01/2017 22:35

A second wedding is tacky if there's a big do and dress much less a third.

I don't think I could attend a third wedding, obviously the vows means nothing when it's a repeat occasion with a different partner.

I hope she's not asking for gifts or expecting people to travel etc.

TheNaze73 · 09/01/2017 22:36

YANBU for thinking it however, starting a thread about it, is a bit mean

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