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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am but 3rd white wedding?

199 replies

Exileinengland1999 · 09/01/2017 20:51

A friend of mine is getting married for the 3rd time at age 43 and having her 3rd white wedding with the 3rd load of bridesmaids etc.

I know I have got major judgy pants on but Aibu to think it's a bloody waste of money.

I know- I'm being a major judgy cow and totally U and people can spend their money on what on earth they want but seriously, 3 massive white weddings? Would you not just get sick of spending 20k plus each time and think fuck it, let's just head down the registry office and to the pub!
God, I sound a horror don't i?! Blush I just don't get the expense of it all.

OP posts:
WannaBe · 09/01/2017 21:22

"It's a bit much to have your Dad give you away more than once really." my DS asked if my eXH would have to give me away if I married dp given I was married to him and therefore a man has to give the bride away..... Grin

MitzyLeFrouf · 09/01/2017 21:23

'there's me and DP who have been engaged for TWENTY FIVE YEARS. We're getting married this year'

Are you quite sure you're not being a bit rash? Wink

PickAChew · 09/01/2017 21:23

More power to her, I suppose.

I don't think I could be arsed with a third time if ever this one went tits up.

derxa · 09/01/2017 21:23

I hope she's happy this time. Life is very short.

LineyReborn · 09/01/2017 21:23

As it's AIBU and were allowed to judge, it's not something I'd do myself.

choli · 09/01/2017 21:24

Her money, her wedding, her choice. It does come across as very attention seeking, though. A third "look at me, the princess bride, queen for a day" wedding.

LineyReborn · 09/01/2017 21:24

we're

Lelloteddy · 09/01/2017 21:26

My ex MIL has had three big white weddings. She'll probably fit a couple more in before she dies. She was offended when I declined to wear her second cast off wedding dress for my own nuptials.

Having said that I'm sort of going down the White wedding but more casual road with DP. Ex DH was a controlling arse so my first wedding was literally just a pre arranged day that I showed up to. Same for DP so second time for us will be exactly how we want it.

1horatio · 09/01/2017 21:28

Her money, her choice.

We had a rather huge wedding by English standards (it was my first). I hope I won't have a 2nd. But if I did? I think I'd want a big one again :)

EmiliaAirheart · 09/01/2017 21:30

What's to say big white weddings the first time round aren't unnecessarily extravagant and self-indulgent?

There are lots of reasons why someone might be on wedding three - and none of them should matter to anyone but the couple in question.

I wonder if you'd be so disparaging if she had been widowed and then divorced because of something like DV.

If they want to spunk away a lot of money, it's their business. If you think it's tacky, don't go.

GimmeeMoore · 09/01/2017 21:31

actually agree with you.but as a good guest I'd skip on Happy face and say nowt
I don't understand big exoensive weddings or the gauche conspicuous spending
I don't understand the waste of money on marquees,wedding favour, canapés

MirandaWest · 09/01/2017 21:32

Is the turning point of marriages from two to three?

Is it all right that my dad has given me away twice? And that I wore a wedding dress both times (long first time and shorter second time). I had bridesmaids both times. Gift list the first time. Didn't mention gifts at all the second time. Wedding was fairly small this time (40 guests this time).

I intended my first marriage to last. It didn't. I know more about myself now and have more faith in this marriage lasting. I'm not sure I'd want to try again if this one failed but no one really knows what will happen in the future do they?

And I'm pretty sure our guests enjoyed celebrating with us. They seemed happy anyway :)

MirandaWest · 09/01/2017 21:33

We had a marquee. And some afternoon tea type canapés. But no favours

GrumpyDullard · 09/01/2017 21:34

YANBU. I had a fairly low key wedding the first time around (because a big meringue wedding is not my style) but it still entailed a massive amount of family politics-related stress and expense and hassle.

If I were to marry again, I really wouldn't want a "proper" wedding at all. My ideal wedding, second time round, would be just a couple of mates as witnesses and maybe meeting up with a few people in the pub after. Of course, being a jaded divorcee, I'm not that bothered about getting married anyway. I honestly cannot understand how someone who has been divorced can reconcile that with a fancy second (let alone third!) wedding. It'd obviously be different if someone was widowed.

GimmeeMoore · 09/01/2017 21:34

Yuck,sorry I don't get the whole wedding thing

Everytimeref · 09/01/2017 21:37

When I got married for the three time I walked down the aisle to "At last .... by Etta James" if people laughed at least it was with me.
First wedding big white affair. 5 bridesmaids. Tops hats the lot! 2nd low key registery office job. 3rd not as over the top as first but pretty big. Each one was special in its own way and I don't regret any of them.

Earlgreywithmilk · 09/01/2017 21:38

Yanbu. I agree with u but I don't get the big showy wedding thing full stop. I always think people who want the big white wedding must be massive attention seekers.

Somerville · 09/01/2017 21:38

What I do think is a shame is when couples put themselves in debt for a wedding they can't afford. Or put off getting married purely to save up for a massive wedding.
The marriage is more important than the wedding day.
But that doesn't make the wedding day unimportant.

MitzyLeFrouf · 09/01/2017 21:39

I think the world is divided into two camps. Lazy people (like me!) and people who love nothing more than cranking up the spreadsheets and planning a big event. Serial brides aren't fickle in matters of the heart, they just really really miss having something to spend their weekends working on.

Everytimeref · 09/01/2017 21:40

*third time!

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/01/2017 21:40

One would hope Herhighness but sadly not always the case.

I sound v mean but this 3rd wedding I was in was the biggest bloody shambles you'd imagine in your worst nightmares. I spent so many months trying not to bellow "I don't know, what do YOU think, you must be a sodding EXPERT by now!" I could have given myself an ulcer.

I speak as someone who's been hitched twice but the second time we cut out (nearly) all the frillls and it was a much better wedding she is a much happier marriage. So I'm quite biased.

hormonallyyours · 09/01/2017 21:41

YANBU, OP.

I recently went to a 40 something friend's extravagant (second) big white wedding. I found it difficult to enjoy it given I knew that they had got into debt to pay for it. And some months later can't afford ivf again, because of how much they spent on the wedding.

It feels in friend's case (second wedding was even bigger than first) that it was almost about proving a point, that this marriage was going to be better than the first failed marriage.

NicknameUsed · 09/01/2017 21:42

Exactly Somerville

kel12345 · 09/01/2017 21:43

It doesn't really matter does it? If she wants to then it's up to her, and her fiancé.
I wanted a big white wedding, and had one to a point- didn't have a church, sit down meal or honeymoon as we were only engaged 3 months and had a baby on the way, and I only wanted 1 bridesmaid by choice. The big white dress was most important to me. But it was my 1st (and only hopefully).
But it's up to them what they do. I don't think they are a waste of time though.

IggyPopsicle · 09/01/2017 21:46

Babycham SEVEN times? Shock Did you go to all of the weddings? I'd be tempted to gift her a turnstile instead of a toaster.