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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am but 3rd white wedding?

199 replies

Exileinengland1999 · 09/01/2017 20:51

A friend of mine is getting married for the 3rd time at age 43 and having her 3rd white wedding with the 3rd load of bridesmaids etc.

I know I have got major judgy pants on but Aibu to think it's a bloody waste of money.

I know- I'm being a major judgy cow and totally U and people can spend their money on what on earth they want but seriously, 3 massive white weddings? Would you not just get sick of spending 20k plus each time and think fuck it, let's just head down the registry office and to the pub!
God, I sound a horror don't i?! Blush I just don't get the expense of it all.

OP posts:
GlacindaTheTroll · 09/01/2017 21:07

YANBU.

Yes, of course they can choose how they spend their money.

And I wouldn't breathe a word about in RL, but I think it's really tacky to have a full-on white wedding (with all the trappings of virginity and handing from father to husband) more then once.

Now, I've been to some great subsequent weddings, large and small. And the ones I've liked best are still quite large (and well catered!) dos, but they dispensed with the white-wedding-trappings and looked much more like grown up people who really meant it.

BikeRunSki · 09/01/2017 21:08

How many times has the groom been married though? Maybe it's his first wedding? May it's what he wants?

80sWaistcoat · 09/01/2017 21:09

YANBU.

Original poster
Exileinengland1999 · 09/01/2017 21:10

It's the groom's second marriage.

Like I said, I am genuinely happy for them and not intending to be snarky/sneery/ not great and whatever else Grin

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 09/01/2017 21:11

It's a bit much to have your Dad give you away more than once really. Grin

RockyBird · 09/01/2017 21:11

She had a strapless white meringue type dress and she's about 50ish. I just thought: why??

Why not?

Somerville · 09/01/2017 21:11

I just had my second 'white wedding'. I very much hope that anyone who thought we were wasting money declined their invitation. Sad

Don't go along and sit there judging them, OP. If you can't make your peace with the fact that it's their money to do with as they will then don't attend.

Floggingmolly · 09/01/2017 21:12

Why would anyone get married three times? Talk about a triumph of hope over experience...

Mari50 · 09/01/2017 21:12

Your friend is obviously ever the optimist, nice way to be. Her money, her choice. YABU but I totally get where you're coming from!!

PurpleDaisies · 09/01/2017 21:13

Like I said, I am genuinely happy for them and not intending to be snarky/sneery/ not great and whatever else

And yet you did such a good job of being judgy anyway...

UnsuccessfullyAdulting · 09/01/2017 21:13

I'm having my 2nd white wedding this year. FIrst did not end well and it's my DF's first wedding. Should I wear black and exclude everyone who came to my first?

VladmirsPoutine · 09/01/2017 21:14

Yanbu. These sorts of weddings are expensive for guests as well so you are well within your rights to bemoan the expense. If it were a registry office job with a booze up at the local fair enough but if you're expected to buy a gift, travel, stay, buy a new dress, transport etc then it is going to cost you.

Only1scoop · 09/01/2017 21:14

Is she having a wedding list or just attempting to get a HM paid for Grin

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/01/2017 21:14

I was bridesmaid for someone this year in her third big white wedding and there was much drama as her DF said he wasn't willing to give her away again as she kept coming back. He did it in the end but the whole thing was weird.

Herhighness · 09/01/2017 21:14

Well at least it will be well organised, she's had plenty of practise.
Seriously, I know what you mean but it's her cash and maybe the groom hasn't had a white wedding.

Sparklingbrook · 09/01/2017 21:15

This is AIBU. The home of judging. Grin

NicknameUsed · 09/01/2017 21:15

Have you got a season ticket?

gabsdot · 09/01/2017 21:15

A friend of mine got married for the third time last year. All 3 weddings we're big affairs with a white dress, flowers etc.
Personally I admire her optimism and I hope this one sticks.
I wouldn't do it myself though.

Sparklingbrook · 09/01/2017 21:16

Anne my Dad would be the same. 'What?Again Sparkling?'

sonyaya · 09/01/2017 21:17

If it makes her happy let her get on with jt

Only1scoop · 09/01/2017 21:17

Is her name Muriel?

BabychamSocialist · 09/01/2017 21:19

Hey, I've got a friend who's been married 7 times. By the time of the 7th we could recite the vows for her!

Meanwhile, there's me and DP who have been engaged for TWENTY FIVE YEARS. We're getting married this year and I intend it to be my one and only wedding, so we are spending quite a bit on it. If it was my 3rd marriage I really wouldn't be having yet another huge one though.

SallyInSweden · 09/01/2017 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WannaBe · 09/01/2017 21:21

Well tbh I wouldn't want to be someone's third wife. I would find it hard to believe that I was "the one," when he'd got it wrong s many times before.....

MitzyLeFrouf · 09/01/2017 21:21

Two white weddings I can just about understand but three 😂?! To make things easy for her guests she should really have given each wedding its own colour so they can easily differentiate. James was the white wedding, Alex was the purple wedding, and Michael was the yellow wedding. Much easier to remember that way!

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