to not want to have more or less the same phone conversation for up to an hour every week with my Mum?

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

I can do it once a fortnight, but not every week!

I pick the phone up when she rings because she's very old and lives alone. But lately she has taken to phoning more often "for a chat". She did it today and said "have you got a minute for a quick chat about dd's birthday?" so, although I was right in the middle of something, I said ok, thought she wanted to maybe check on what present I'd bought for dd on her behalf (which we'd had a fairly long conversation about last Sunday). But then it just morphs into yet another conversation about how dreary January is, how her various friends and neighbours and their ailments are etc. Although I'd say to her dh was at work all weekend and therefore I had lots to do at home, she just can't keep it down to a quick 10 or 15 minutes .

So I had to say "look Mum, I've got to go" and now I feel bad! But is it bad? I spoke to her briefly on the 31st (she said she'd been trying to get hold of me but hadn't left a message on the answerphone) for an hour on the 1st and will speak to her again when she rings to speak to dd on her birthday this week.

I find it irritating!!

The way I see it, I can understand it's frustrating, but our parents put years into bringing us up so when there comes a time that they need us, then we should step up. My mum is in her 70s and still has my dad, they're by no means frail or seem elderly but in the winter she's terrible for complaining about her ailments and the weather and feeling down and the dark days and the neighbours - and I speak to her 3 times a day so it really can start to drag me down! However, she's always been there for me and I like to be there for her too. Your mum sounds lonely and I'm sure a chat with you once in a while does cheer her up. It's not really long out of our days, in the great scheme of things, but perhaps arranging a more convenient time would help. Xx

"My mum doesn't have that. She just has her phone in between waiting for her children to visit."

That is sad-no friends or neighbours she could see.

Luckily my mum does have a couple of friends and neighbours still alive, a sister in law and my brother. She has always leaned on me for emotional support since her divorce in 1974! It doesn't work the other way round in our relationship but I am lucky to have dh.

A few years ago she called a family meeting (me and db) to announce she was moving to a retirement complex/sheltered housing type thing. So we started searching for places for her and geared up to help her pack up and move. Now she's changed her mind, which I think is a real shame. My Grandma lived in one of those places for 5 years and it transformed her social life. I will definitely do the same if I live for long enough.

But, really, the whole point of my op (which I clearly didn't get across very well) is that it's a whole hour! An hour on the phone, on my landline. I don't talk to anyone else for an hour at a time every week, not even my husband or my best friend. I run out of steam and out of interest. But I really will grasp the nettle and start phoning her on weekday afternoons again.

Thanks everyone.

I think also some people like chatting on a phone. I prefer face to face.
My DH used to say that phone conversations between me and my DF were two long monologues with neither listening to the other.

OP,you are not being unreasonable to feel irritated and not bad to say that you have to go.Just tell her that the calls are too frequent, negative and depressing.
I am old,lonely,opinionated , irritating and very far away from my children.
Had to learn that my phone calls and Skype may not always be at a convenient time for them.Much better no to intrude on very busy lives and to cheerfully take whatever I get , sometimes even a surprise photo.

I would hate for them to feel guilt tripped and resentful as suggested by many posters above .

You should feel bad. I'd give anything to hear my Mums voice again.
Also I expect she got heart sick of your voice when she cared for you. Just saying.

Who talks to anyone for an hour. Perhaps an old friend I haven't heard from for 6 months or a year.

Ridiculous. Especially because people who don't do anything except maybe attend doctor's appointments, gossip with neighbours and watch tv do not have riveting stuff to say.

I would get her onto your iphone and answer with earphones on so you can clear round or whatever whilst she witters.

YABU a bit. When your mum's gone you'll realise just how much you miss those inane conversations.

I'd give anything to hear my grandma's voice again, even if it was only listening to her moaning and telling me to turn down my music. I really regret not phoning her more and I miss her every day.

Just something to keep in mind.