to not want to have more or less the same phone conversation for up to an hour every week with my Mum?

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

I can do it once a fortnight, but not every week!

I pick the phone up when she rings because she's very old and lives alone. But lately she has taken to phoning more often "for a chat". She did it today and said "have you got a minute for a quick chat about dd's birthday?" so, although I was right in the middle of something, I said ok, thought she wanted to maybe check on what present I'd bought for dd on her behalf (which we'd had a fairly long conversation about last Sunday). But then it just morphs into yet another conversation about how dreary January is, how her various friends and neighbours and their ailments are etc. Although I'd say to her dh was at work all weekend and therefore I had lots to do at home, she just can't keep it down to a quick 10 or 15 minutes .

So I had to say "look Mum, I've got to go" and now I feel bad! But is it bad? I spoke to her briefly on the 31st (she said she'd been trying to get hold of me but hadn't left a message on the answerphone) for an hour on the 1st and will speak to her again when she rings to speak to dd on her birthday this week.

I find it irritating!!

BertrandRussell - You can not want to.

But, unless there is more history here, you would be an utter arsehole not to.

This, 100% ^^

Loneliness can be crippling for a lot of old people.

Poor lady. She probably really looks forward to talking to you and the fact she is asking if you had time to talk is quite telling.

She gave up hours and hours of time when you were younger and you should repay the compliment. In a few years' time you will miss those conversations.

I do get it, I sometimes feel the same about conversation with my parents but they're not very old or alone. I still do it though.

Can you use the children to entertain gran? My mum used to make us all take a turn chatting to grandma on the phone but tbf it wasn't really a chore, I always had some news to tell her. If I got a good score on a test/picked for a team etc I'd always call her.

Others are right, if the conversation is always the same, it's as much your fault as hers. You must have some news to share, discuss current affairs etc same as you would with anyone else you care about.

You just have to suck it up I'm afraid. My dad was widowed 15 months ago and has found this Xmas and NY actually worse than last in terms of feeling down and lonely, so I've been making an extra effort to call him every two days. I also make the 500 mile round trip for 4 days every 2 months.

It isn't very exciting being up North and watching crap quiz shows and listening to conversations about death all the time but it's part of being a decent and caring human being imo.

It doesn't matter that they've told you the same thing 10 times before, when we were little girls I'm sure we asked the same questions a lot more of our parents.

If your mum lives alone and is lonely I think you should be calling her every two days or so to be honest. How often do you visit?

Your own Mum! I speak to mine at least once a day and she's still got my Dad. Imagine if your children feel this way about you one day.

YABU and mean. I hope you remember this time when you're her age and your children can't be arsed to talk to you once a week.

I'm really shocked, I know I've been spoilt with a close relationship with my mum and not all families are like this but I can't get my head round you being irritated because your elderly mother wants an hour of your time a week.

I mean this in the nicest possible way but you need to give your head a shake.

You find your own mum irritating when you know she is lonely? Fucking hell that's sad. I speak to my mum every day and often have to listen to the same story but think nothing of it. We'll all be like that when we get older. If I knew she was alone and lonely I'd be making sure I either called or saw her every day not moan about having to speak to her once a week.

But it's not the MIL.

OP resents giving up 1 hour out of 168 a week.

Do you think you might be the most important person in the world to her?

It's not her MIL though is it? Or her aunt, or her uncle or a distant relative.

It's the woman who has (presumably) raised her.

My mum used to ring every day. She would always ask what I was having for my tea or what the weather was like (5 miles away from her house!) Used to drive me up the wall. She died suddenly last February. What I wouldn't give for one of those inane phone calls now.

Ten yrs ago when I'd just had first DC I used to call my mum every day 'for a chat'. I expect it was pretty tedious for my mum as I was borderline depressed and a pretty anxious new parent.

But I so appreciated that she took time to listen to me. I was so lonely.

I hope I can return the favour when she's older, it's not too much to ask really?

The MIL should be calling the husband/partner as well though.

Honestly, am I alone in dreading becoming a mother in law or elderly mother seen as an irritant? What kind of people are we becoming in this intolerant society?

Your poor old Mum. She just wants to talk. I get that sometimes it isn't going to be convenient but .....well, she is on her own and you are her dd.

Like a pp said, think of things in advance to talk about. Even something as daft as a new washing gel(for example) that you brought that is really good and has she tried. I do this a lot with my dgm and it really helps the conversation flow into something other than what her neighbours are doing!

My mum has Alzheimer's her time with us is limited, certainly the lucid time she has left. Her constant repetitive calls annoy me but she's mum my and she's not aware she's doing this. One day soon when she's gone I'll wish I had those annoying calls again so I can't get upset or angry with her, I love her loads.

Patience OP for one day she will be gone and you'll wish you could turn the clock back

YABU
My MIL visits once a week but only if I am here as my DH doesn't talk to her enough. We have the same conversation for up to a months worth of visits and she lives with SIL so tells me everything about her family even though I talk to SIL too. It isn't the most interesting or exciting way to spend every Sunday morning but at least she knows that I'm here and I care.
I agree that you should schedule the phone call for when you're free and be patient.

bibbity You're not coming back I see. I can understand why. We don't know you or your mum. People are very quick on here to say go NC with relatives. You've come on here for a moan. You're not going NC. You'll be on the phone to her just as usual. Is your mum hard of hearing? Sometimes that makes things even more difficult.

Oh Bibbity you're opening some wounds here. Your OP is increadibly depresing for so many reasons
What kind of relationship do you have with your mother that you resent her phone calls?

I feel really sorry for the mum. Many of my friends have very little children and it's fucking hard work raising them. The thought of any of them then begrudging their mothers of an hour's conversation a week when they're grown up is really sad.

How selfish.

Sorry, I think YABU too. I've felt annoyed by my DF telling me the same thing every week before, but then remember he's on his own, and I love him. I have a 2yr old now and can't bear the thought she might not care enough to allow me one hour of her week when I'm old.

I'm busy too but I always make time. I often multi-task by using hands free and getting on with food prep or basic admin at the same time - but ensure I'm still engaging in the conversation. I also make sure I see him a few times a month.