to not want to have more or less the same phone conversation for up to an hour every week with my Mum?

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

I can do it once a fortnight, but not every week!

I pick the phone up when she rings because she's very old and lives alone. But lately she has taken to phoning more often "for a chat". She did it today and said "have you got a minute for a quick chat about dd's birthday?" so, although I was right in the middle of something, I said ok, thought she wanted to maybe check on what present I'd bought for dd on her behalf (which we'd had a fairly long conversation about last Sunday). But then it just morphs into yet another conversation about how dreary January is, how her various friends and neighbours and their ailments are etc. Although I'd say to her dh was at work all weekend and therefore I had lots to do at home, she just can't keep it down to a quick 10 or 15 minutes .

So I had to say "look Mum, I've got to go" and now I feel bad! But is it bad? I spoke to her briefly on the 31st (she said she'd been trying to get hold of me but hadn't left a message on the answerphone) for an hour on the 1st and will speak to her again when she rings to speak to dd on her birthday this week.

I find it irritating!!

It would for me - but not what my mum wants, likes or is used to (as per my op).

I know she likes to settle down on the sofa with a coffee (and likes to imagine I'm doing the same ) and just ramble. 11am to midday, then she can get herself a little bit of lunch. It doesn't work so well for me but iabu to most on the thread. Ah well, I doubt I can get her to change now!

Does she usually call around 11 or noonish? Could you sort of schedule a bit of a break or tasks you can do wearing earbuds around then and beat her to the punch and call her first?

I do have a very 'chatty' friend and when she calls I usually put in my earbuds and stick my phone in a pocket then fold laundry or wipe down the kitchen counters. It's amazing what you can still do when you're 'hands free'.

I can't ever imagine not wanting to speak to my mum? And would hope my kids wouldn't feel this way either, how sad

I don't think an hour a week is much, unless you see her in between.

If you don't have time when she wants to chat, arrange a time when you can relax and talk to her.

My DM likes to chat for an hour once or twice a week. Sometimes I am busy or not in the mood, but I know how much it means to her. She is 80 this year and I am terrified about how many more good years I will have her for.

I can't imagine talking to anyone on the phone for an hour, even if the conversation was interesting!

Since my dad passed away five years ago, I have been having the same conversation every day for an hour with my elderly mum.

I can sense her loneliness in her big old house. I can still sense the heartbreak she feels in every part of her day that involved my dad.

I have a husband and young children that fill my home with laughter and music and chatter. My mum doesn't have that. She just has her phone in between waiting for her children to visit.

Please op, have a heart.

I totally sympathise. Fact is, I don't really like my mum. Her conversations are all negative and depressing and she doesn't listen to anything I say (or if she does, it's so she can be negative about me...).

Fact is, if you had a good relationship, you might not mind.

All this emotional crap about you'll miss her etc might also be total crap. You might be glad frankly.

Don't feel bad - just try to be a better parent !! X

Stepping stone. Total crap? Bit harsh.

YABU. She's old, she's lonely, she's your mum, fgs.

One day it will probably be you. So treat her with some kindness.

Raindrips, lots of the pps are suggesting that because they miss their DMs, OP will regret begrudging her this time when DM is dead, and will miss her.

Those who had a difficult relationship with their DMs are pointing out that this is not their experience.

It's harsh to guilt trip OP.

I do think you are being unreasonable but if your mum is lonely could you or she contact Silverline who will arrange for her to get a regular call. This might take the pressure off you.

I used to talk to mum on a hands free headset while I did mindless jobs like ironing, dusting, putting clothes away. Could you line up a few chores and then call her?

If it's inconvenient to talk to your mum when she phones then say 'sorry mum I'm right in the middle of something and I'll ring you back later' then ring back when you are free to talk. You would be unreasonable to never talk to your mum but you don't have to be held ransom everytime she phones. I speak to my mum everyday but I schedule it for when I'm walking home from work so it doesn't eat into the rest of the day. I do love her but there is only so much time you can give to the same conversation everyday.

LOL, my mum (a lovely mum, good relationship) always said we owed her nothing, she would never expect / need the help and attention she gave my grandparents.... now she is in her 80s this is a long way from the actuality.

Take control. Ring her often, and when it suits you. Straight after breakfast on a non WOH day, or something.

And get the teens to ring their grandmother at the weekend. I do that.

I'm also in my 50s and have a busy life. I don't have a mum anymore but if I did I'd make time for her. You sound incredibly selfish.

Totally get that some posters have a very difficult relationship with their mum, rather than mildly annoying that op describes. Op has not described the sort of difficulties which would make regular calls with her mum especially stressful. If she had done, reactions, including mine, would be different. She hasn't. It is therefore harsh to describe what has been called"guilt tripping " as "total crap".

"I must stop reading any posts once I spot you're the op"

Yes, why don't you BatFace? You've been around long enough to know your post could be deleted if I cba to report it. Presumably you "indulge" your mother every day because you are close and you love her.

To others who've suggested it, I'm definitely going to start phoning her more often at a time that suits me, I don't think she spends her afternoons drunk any more and weekday afternoons are just much easier for me than weekend mornings when I am always in the middle of doing something else or going out anywhere.

I'll also start calling her from my mobile when I'm doing something else. She doesn't like it if I call on my mobile ... always thinks it's an emergency! I'm sure she'll get used to it.

I make almost all my calls when I'm walking somewhere - can't stand sitting around chatting on the phone. It's being busy (I used to think nothing of a two-hour phone marathon but now I have kids I just don't have that luxury).

Maybe put relevant details in the op then eh?

Oh and I could t care less if you report me to teacher. What are you, 12?

Lol