to not want to have more or less the same phone conversation for up to an hour every week with my Mum?

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

I can do it once a fortnight, but not every week!

I pick the phone up when she rings because she's very old and lives alone. But lately she has taken to phoning more often "for a chat". She did it today and said "have you got a minute for a quick chat about dd's birthday?" so, although I was right in the middle of something, I said ok, thought she wanted to maybe check on what present I'd bought for dd on her behalf (which we'd had a fairly long conversation about last Sunday). But then it just morphs into yet another conversation about how dreary January is, how her various friends and neighbours and their ailments are etc. Although I'd say to her dh was at work all weekend and therefore I had lots to do at home, she just can't keep it down to a quick 10 or 15 minutes .

So I had to say "look Mum, I've got to go" and now I feel bad! But is it bad? I spoke to her briefly on the 31st (she said she'd been trying to get hold of me but hadn't left a message on the answerphone) for an hour on the 1st and will speak to her again when she rings to speak to dd on her birthday this week.

I find it irritating!!

I will! I don't expect it of them. Hopefully I will be a better parent.

Bibity i am sure you will try and have a better adult relationship with your children when they grow up than you have with your mum.

Jaysus, I'd give my right arm (and the left too), to speak with my mum again. We spoke daily (after Emmerdale Farm). YABVVVU.

itsmine I totally agree. I posted earlier with a different response. But people were still laying into the OP after that revelation and I got upset on their behalf. Too close to home for me...

I will Mrsjayy. I certainly won't offload all my problems on to them! Hopefully if Mumsnet still exists I'll be able to vent on here .

To the pp who is talking about her mum who is in her early 50s boring on on the phone ... see how you feel after another 30 years of it? I AM in my early 50s, have 2 teens, a part time job and a husband who works incredibly unsocial hours, plus several other elderly relatives I have obligations to.

I will have spoken to my Mum 4 times in 11 days ... I don't think that is bad considering.

It sounds like you are really busy. Could you arrange for someone to pop in and check on her like a befriender or neighbour. Do you have other family members that could help too and call her as well. I have elderly parents and I get that the chats can be repetitive and that's when we have a good relationship. So I can see how it must be hard for you. But in my opinion families should look after each other as much as they can esp when people are elderly or vulnerable so if you don't have the time could you get some help to give her some companionship x

Laiste
Maybe it would have been better for the first few posters to have have simply asked 'is their any back story here?' rather than poster after poster pilling in with their ''you're a selfish bitch, look at me i speak to my mother ever 20 minute'' posts.
Precisely. If someone appears to be posting in a hurry, don't assume you have the whole story in front of you. Consider that the OP might have reasons you don't much about and isn't purposefully aiming to drip feed, but just doesn't want or hasn't the time to present you with a 2,000 word essay.

Just spent my weekly two hour visit with my mum and yes to answer your original question it is boring and irratating listening to the same moans week in week out.
Perhaps all of the posters who had such wonderful relationships with their parents and miss them so desperately could ring your mum. Solve two problems ar once!

I will have spoken to my Mum 4 times in 11 days ... I don't think that is bad considering. Nor do I. I hope you feel better after a MN roasting

Is it bad to not want the same conversation over & over?

Of course not!

Op told her mum that she was busy-why is it OK for her mum to disregard that?

Of her Op's mum put up with Op's "babbling" as a child as that's what parents do when they decide to have kids-put up with stuff.

However, when we have two adults, it's fine for one to say that they are busy atm & not to expect that to be overriden because the other person is old/their parent.

It isn't selfish at all. It's clear the OP loves her mum but my god old people are incredibly hard when they are isolated.

Nothing you can do or say makes it better and you're stuck listening to endless nothing which is exhausting.

You know you'll keep doing it but you're here to vent. It's ok.

Thanks itsmine

bibbity YANBU

What do you think of the practical suggestions to initiate shorter but perhaps more frequent phone calls at a time which suits you and is a limited slot? There were also helpful ideas about introducing topics and having the children have the phone at times to reduce the length you personally listening.

In your 50's work part time with teens, and you're too busy to time manage a few short calls or one hour a week to your mother? Really?

If she'd said ' I had a dysunctional relationship with DM due to her binge drinking when I was growing up, now she expects lengthy telephone chats and I just don't want to do it' the responses would have been very different

Quite. I find my mum wants lengthy chats (but we have a normal relationship) so I do two things: 1. call when I am walking somewhere e.g. To train station. So that is a 'dead' 10 mins to me anyway and has a defined end. 2. Call when I am doing something like chopping vegetables for tea or pottering round the house putting washing out or something.

Op could you engineer a 10 minutes every other day type routine rather than an hour at a time.

I expect you would have to start it by phoning her but in the long run it might pay off. Also 10 mins every other day would be better for loneliness.

How often do you see her? You say you have teens, could they spare 5 mins for a conversation with grandma?

If she'd said ' I had a dysfunctional relationship with DM due to her binge drinking when I was growing up, now she expects lengthy telephone chats and I just don't want to do it' the responses would have been very different
Well said YellowDraw

A back story often emerges when the going gets tough.

bibbity Does your mum attend church or any clubs? My mum's church had a 'visiting angels' program where members volunteered to call on seniors and shut ins on a weekly basis. They'd stay about 20 mins or so. Mum started out as one of the 'visitors' and ended up being one of the 'visited'. Even though we spoke frequently and I saw her often during the week (and my brother actually lived with her) she enjoyed seeing a 'different face' when one of the 'angels' would drop by for a little chat.

I'd check around her area and see if there are any similar programs.

OP, I called my mum twice a day every day after my dad died 18 years ago. She was a tough cookie; a world traveller. Lots to say and sometimes nothing much to say. Calls were often no more than5 mins long. We chatted about crap and the odd serious thing. We had occasional disagreements. She died in November. It's horrible not being able to talk to her anymore.

Yes, the 5 minute calls sound lovely! Sorry you've lost your Mum and that you miss her raindrips.

Thanks, bibbity, maybe little and often would work better.