Hardly anyone is coming only hen do

[peroxidebrown]

I'm so upset. Have been organising my hen do for a while - well bridesmaid is doing the bulk but if invited people, not loads maybe a dozen close friends. Two bridesmaids have pulled out even though I went to theirs which were more extravagant saying they can't afford it. It's one night in the UK. Another friend today has pulled out. It's going to be about six of us in total and I now feel embarrassed about the whole thing.

Definitely get rid of bridesmaids. If you're just going to cut loose anyway, why do you want them clogging up your pics?

Feel for you. I think part of being a bridesmaid is to support you and if that means turning up for a hen do which a number of friends have withdrawn from, so be it.

Not sure why you said it was 'fine' for them not to come though, no need to get nasty but I would have very politely, made my feeling clear. When is the hen do, you could still let them know you consider their behaviour pretty awful. After all, if you don't say anything could you really spend your special day with them?

This happened to me. I arranged a night out in our home town, booked a cocktail masterclass and some food followed by a pub crawl. It was going to cost £25pp for the cocktails and food. I booked it for a month before my Christmas wedding but just kept getting complaints about the time and cost so close to Christmas. I didn't think it was unreasonable considering I'd tried to arrange it a few months before and I'd been on lots of out of city £200+ hen dos for others. However, I cancelled everything and went out on a night out with my best friend instead. I felt really upset but didn't kick off. Just stopped talking about it and let the plans peater out. People I'd asked forgot about it and I didn't remind them. Me and my best friend had a brilliant time. A week before the wedding my mil realised I hadn't had a hen do and insisted on going out for a meal. She arranged for sils, aunties and cousins to be there (my mum was invited but couldn't make it, but we'd already planned a spar day anyway). It was a surprise to me. The ironic thing was, the meal was more expensive than the original night I'd planned! Plan something with the people who want to be there and enjoy it!

Definitely sack the Bridesmaids if you're thinking of drifting after the wedding anyway and they have been crap friends not just over the hen situation. How long have you known them? Are they your only bm?

Surely you should be able to say something to bridesmaids, if they are close friends? Even if it's just a "seems a bit odd my bridesmaids not coming on my hens" or even the dig that you went on theirs which was much more expensive.

Ditch the bridesmaids. Bridezilla behaviour would be kicking off about how they are not willing to spend £1500 and all of their annual leave on a foreign do. It is not being disappointed that they have dropped out of the one night at a venue THEY chose!

This smacks of not being willing to put some effort in for you. Yes January is tight for lots of people, but if they are still spending on days out then it is more of a choice, isn't it? It's about prioritising your friendship and a commitment made to you to attend your hen do, above a shopping trip that could be delayed until after the next payday instead.

If they CBA to attend your hen, then they shouldn't be a bridesmaid for you.

Everyone dropped out of my hen do which was a meal out in town and drinks after. As a result it ended up being 5 of us (was 12). I really was upset but we changed it. We went to a local hotel. DH paid for lunch and drinks and access to the spa. Those who wanted treatments had them. We then had cake and champagne.

My hen lasted from noon until 5 and I was home at 5.30. Some best days are with closest people. I think it is poor of your bridesmaids to pull out though. Go and have a brilliant time. Sod the rest of them.

I did send texts to both saying they are bridesmaids and I really wanted them at my hen and it would mean a lot to me. They said they hoped I would understand but they really can't afford it (both pretty much said same thing). They made a dig about "I have to save up for the wedding". All they are paying for is their travel to venue and accommodation dress hair shoes make up is paid for. Accommodation is £96 per night.

same happened to me. even my cousins, one of whom was my bridesmaid dropped out. Six of us, some of whom I dont see anymore. I find its not a reflection of who cares about you

How much still the hen night cost each person do you think?

Sack the bridesmaids now. Think of it this way - you say they have been shit friends in a lot of ways and will probably ditch them after your wedding anyway so why would you still consider them as bridesmaids when they will be in so many of your wedding photos? You'll be forever reminded of how shitty their behaviour was whenever you look at your wedding album.

Why don't you just cancel - if you were part of my social circle people would love you for it. In the last 18 months or so I've heard no one speak about going to a hen/stag do with any great pleasure. Most go because they feel they have to, not because they want to. No matter how much you try to keep costs down they end up being expensive and those invited have no choice but to spend money they would prefer to use for other things.

I don't deny that in your shoes I would feel a bit miffed that my bridesmaids, who presumably are your closest friends, have pulled out, especially as they chose where you are meant to be going, but knowing how a lot of people now seem to feel about hen dos I would do everyone a favour and cancel.

Brown I was going to say the same about the bridesmaids and getting rid of the 2 that aren't making the effort for you but I didn't want to upset you.

Not sure what you've got planned for your Hen night but for my friends I booked an evening at a nice hotel,we had a 4 course meal of which we could choose from a menu(there was about 4/5 choices for each course)I'd made up little hen night bags for everyone(my lovely DH helped me)my best friend cried when she saw them and everyone really loved them.
The night included an 80's night disco.

We sat and chatted,had some drinks went through the bags,made my poor friend do some dares(there were dare cards in each bag)which she thought were hilarious(they were nothing bad)had our meals and then went and enjoyed the disco.

I've been to quite a few hen nights and my friends hen night was by far one of the best I've been to.

Defo sack the bridesmaids. I always make a big effort to attend hen dos even if they aren't my idea of a fun weekend. Been on a brilliant one with 4 and a rather boring one with 14. I think with the smaller ones you tend to have the people who are really up for it and fun so will spend less time making polite conversation with people who aren't super close to the bride/are rather dull.

Definitely sack the bridesmaids, if you don't want to tell them it's because of the hen then tell them you're reconsidering the type of wedding you'd like to have and they're no longer required. If you want to be nice tell them you'd love them to still attend as guests.

they are bit saying they can't be bothered they are sating they CANNOT AFFORD it. do you expect to go in to debt or not pay their mortgage or rent? if YOU were a real friend then you would accept their situation or offer to pay for them
..

I'd be tempted to sack them too.

december10th but the hen do is one of the known costs of being a bridesmaid. Unless something radical has happened they should have budgeted for it or at the very least told the bride they couldn't afford it at the beginning.

I would say that you were so sorry for all the extra costs involved in being a bridesmaid and that you will relieve them of their duties so they can enjoy the day with everyone else.

Sack the bridesmaids, of course this could backfire as they may not come to the wedding in any case but this just shows how much of friends they are.

I'd also point out by text, that you made the effort for both of theirs, that they had time to organise and pay for this hen do but obviously had other priorities. I'd even be tempted to whack on a sentence about costs of wedding etc (if you're paying for it all yourself). Then it gets it exactly out there.

Utter bitches, I've always gone to hens, soaked up the cost and enjoyed it. If there have been worries about costs, like others have said I've either shared a room, only had a starter, sneaked in spirits etc... So they're being utter cowbags. on your behalf

december they should think of these costs before they accept as BMs or let bride know well in advance if they can't attend even then that's a shit excuse and friends have shared rooms etc

december10 if I'm reading the OP right the bridesmaids were the ones who booked the hen in the first place ?

I'd be disappointed too...the only hen do's I've missed havery been one abroad that I couldn't afford and one when dd1 was only weeks old. I've been to a few when pregnant and only been for the meal and not stayed late. All my bridesmaids came on mine with the exception of my niece who was only 14!

I would tell your 2 bridesmaids that you're disappointed and feel let down and see how they respond. Anyone else, unless they've got genuine reasons, obviously aren't as close to you as you think.

I think it's fine for them to not attend, you're expecting them to spend money and that should never be dictated. It's also a night away from home so a lot of time to give up as well. Going to there's was an invite you chose to take up.

A wedding shouldn't cost guests or bridesmaids/bestmen, the couple should foot the bill. Every hen do I've been on has been just one night and the bride pays as host.

Have you bought their dresses yet?

If not I would tell them you're reducing bridesmaids numbers to save costs!

I

When is the wedding? Unless it's next week I would sack the bridesmaids.

"Hi Crusilla, I've been having a good long think about the wedding. To be honest it did hurt that as a BM you weren't willing to come to my hen do, especially when we'd had such fun together at yours. It's made me realise that friendships change over the years and perhaps we're not as close to each other as we once were. That's ok, life changes over the years, but I'd like to be able to enjoy my wedding without feeling hurt and sad, so have made the decision to rethink the wedding party and I won't be having you as a bridesmaid. I don't mean this to be hurtful and I'm sorry if it is but I have realised that just as others need to do what's right for them, I need to do what's right for me also. Thank you for all our years of friendship, you have meant a lot to me over the years and I wish you well for the future."