Hardly anyone is coming only hen do

[peroxidebrown]

I'm so upset. Have been organising my hen do for a while - well bridesmaid is doing the bulk but if invited people, not loads maybe a dozen close friends. Two bridesmaids have pulled out even though I went to theirs which were more extravagant saying they can't afford it. It's one night in the UK. Another friend today has pulled out. It's going to be about six of us in total and I now feel embarrassed about the whole thing.

I think it's really mean of the bridesmaids to pull out, sorry to hear this OP. But, 6 is a good number for a cracking night out, I'd carry on and have a great night!

I'm sorry, I would feel rubbish too. If you are a bridesmaid, part of the deal is organising/ attending the hen do unless there is some major reason they can't, so I would sack them. 6 is a lovely number though and I hope you have a lovely time.

I had 4 on my hen weekend. Was bloody brilliant. Quality not quantity.

I think your feelings are understandable. And unless they're actually in financial difficulties their behaviour is really shitty.

But 6 people are still quite a lot and enough to have fun. Maybe change some reservations etc if necessary.

And I don't think you have a reason to be embarrassed. If anything they have.

We went out with 6 of us after a few couldn't make it for various reasons, a few silly games at the hotel with drinks we'd taken with us, then headed into town where most of us knew other people so we ended up having a wonderful time. Went to a bar that did great deals on shots. These evenings are what you make them!

Thanks everyone you're making me feel better. I think part of what's making me anxious and I'm ashamed to admit this is how at the last hen I attended everyone spent the majority of the time posing for pictures to post on social media and it was a huge group. The culture of showcasing and picture taking is why I didn't really enjoy that hen. I just know I'll be judged for having a small group but also know I need to rise above that! Hate social media!

Yanbu

I would sack those bridesmaids. They dont deserve the honour of calling themselves such. They aren't real friends. No real loyalty.

That said, i would much rather a smaller group of committed real friends. You'll have a much better time x

I hate hen dos, going out, forced merriment and all that stuff but in the same circumstances I'd feel just the same as you. Let down.
I'm really sorry...this sort of thing hurts.

You are definitely not being unreasonable to be hurt by their behaviour.

It sounds like you've gone out of your way to ensure it's not crazy demanding on their time and money and even gone with their location suggestions.

To be honest while yes circumstances change everyone always has something they may have preferred to spend their money on, I'm sure you did when it was theirs, you suck it up if you've committed and it's for a friend.

So I'd let them know you're hurt and call them out in it. You're going to seethe which will affect the friendship anyway.
Just text them and say you're disappointed after the effort you made to ensure they had the hen party they wanted that they're not coming as you've gone with their suggestions so assumed that meant it suited their finances.

Unfortunately friendship for some people isn't a two way street and they think nothing of just saying 'nah, can't be bothered' even though you did for them

Dread it not,quality fun time with 6 lassies that you like?whats not to like
Don't build this up as tick list must do event,no hen behaviour is obligatory

6 is a perfect number for a good night out, 20 odd is a hassle and no one ever enjoys it. Reframe it in your head as being a blessing in disguise and enjoy it!

YANBU and sympathies about the cult of publicity now - it was so much easier when people went out for a local drink/dinner, unrecorded. Glad to be ageing sometimes. One of the most enjoyable hen dos I experienced was among six people, at the hen's flat!

Get the friends who are coming together and maybe rearrange to a location of your choosing. It is your Hen Do so you are entitled to choose what you want to do. I would be tempted to tell the 2 bridesmaids who can't be bothered to come you have also changed your mind and now only want fewer bridesmaids, unless they had a very good reason. I would certainly not want them on almost every wedding photo which they would be if bridesmaids.

I had 7 for my hen do years ago

Was fab no. Spa dinner club and night in uk hotel

Next hen do will prob do the almost the same

Spa dinner and bed 😂😂

I would be upset if the bm pulled out as well. They are meant to be your best /old friends

YANBU. If somebody is a bridesmaid they should come to all of the things to do with the wedding unless there is a really good reason why not (e.g. a sudden family crisis), they are meant to be there to support you. If they can't commit to do that they should not have accepted your invitation to be a bridesmaid in the first place.

Don't let it spoil your time though. Enjoy it with the people who are coming! Hope you have fun and forget all about those who bailed out.

Rethink on the bridesmaids' dresses called for I think. Those pulling out of your hen do will be wearing something very hideous, puce and with much rushing, whatever colour least suits them. Actually as another poster has suggested just sack them.

Ruching even

Any way you could rearrange it to suit the smaller group?

When is it meant to be - January / February - many people are skint after Christmas?

Unless they have good reason for pulling out I would be half tempted to tell them you are cutting costs and not having both as bridesmaids but that could result in a complete fall out.

My 'hen do' was a couple of my sweeter male friends taking me to the theatre since I don't have any female friends at all. Let people judge. It's not a popularity contest - and even if it is you're still doing better than me ;)

(I'm very happily married and my lack of social recognition hasn't harmed me a jot.)

I would sack the non-attending bridesmaids. No way would I feel comfortable having them preening around at my wedding when they couldn't be bothered to turn up to my hen do. You get out what you put in in life - as they've put zilch in they should get the corresponding amount out.

Here an idea,be less wed to norms of hen do,and bridesmaids,and pouty selfies
If you 6 really like each other just post fucking nothing on FB,Snapchat,etc
Be 6 adult,clever,funny women who like each other and are hanging out in absence of social media

Yanbu to the bridesmaids.

Any hen do's I have been to have been about 6 people, nothing wrong with that. Hope you have a great time!

6 is a really good number for a fab night out - just go and enjoy it.

But yes, v poor show of the bridesmaids - it's practically unheard of for bridesmaids to not go to the Hen night, isn't it?

Shit behaviour on their part, and no reflection on you, I'm sure

ps. I never had a hen night - I hate them DH didn't have a stag either - we're sociable and like to party, but we have a hatred of the stag/hen culture.

A bit poor of your bridesmaids especially if they were responsible for planning the night in the first place. I would be hurt too.
Enjoy your night though, 6 good friends sounds perfect to me, i hate big groups though ;)

Mee too Luna I hate the dynamics of big groups of people. You either end up with vacuous idiots vying for attention or having to put up with complete bores. As I said earlier life is too f***g short for that type of bullshit.

I agree with posters, post eff all on social media, create an air of mystery and watch the witches freak out when they can't have a bitch fest over the proceedings.