AIBU to think this woman at the gym was rude?

[sofiathesecond]

Just finished showering dd at the gym, woman goes 'ooh what lovely hair she has, is she half or quarter-caste?'

Hate the term 'half-caste', I would always say mixed race. Aside from this, I also think asking mine or my daughter's racial identity is a bit rude. AIBU?

I was told off for using mixed race. It's dual heritage.

YANBU. Totally racist comment.

YANBU, I think that sounds really rude. Was she older?

Where are u KERALA? I think in U.K., most applications etc have a section 'mixed race' and then choice. Never seen dual heritage used anywhere.

Nah, not totally racist. A cringe making comment nonetheless. It's the sort of thing my (elderly) FIL would say - he'd think he was being friendly and polite but he hasn't actually realised that 'half caste' hasn't been an acceptable term for many years.

I would say less rude and more ignorant.
But it is hard to get it right sometimes as different people get offended by different descriptions. And it's always changing which one is politically correct.

Ignorant more than racist, old fashioned dodgy terminology but she was trying to be kind

I don't think it's a rude question if it was said in the right tone-I'm often interested in why people have certain features or colouring-it can be fascinating to see how genetics works!!

The language she used was potentially offensive though.

Mid 40's maybe. I was just shocked and I just mumbled in response as I didn't really want dd to hear as it made me uncomfortable. Just think it was ignorant tbh.

Her intentions were good. Be proud of your dd attracting (misguided) compliments from strangers and forgive the lady.

I think it's hard sometimes for older people to know what terms they should use. When I was a child I was told never to call a person black...the term was coloured, now I keep reminding my mother not to use coloured. She would say half-caste too, as that's what was used when she was growing up.

YABU.

Bad choice of words but clearly not racist. She was complimenting your DD

I understand that the term she used was offensive and it shocked you. However, from the context I think it is clear that she wasn't intending to be offensive and was trying to be nice. It is a shame you weren't able to say something like - "she has 1/ 2/ 3 black grandparents and 1/2/3 white - but we refer to it as dual heritage or mixed race nowadays... some people get offended by referring to it as caste". But hey, the moment has passed.

She wasn't older though, she was mid-40's. Less excuse for not knowing that the term isn't acceptable. Probably well-meant though...

Mid forties, so no excuse for her to be that ignorant. Unless she grew up in a cave or is intectually challenged she should have known.

YANBU. I've said to others in the past that half caste, etc is offensive and they've genuinely not known that it is.
It is interesting how the use of language changes though. A friends father refuses to call himself black (says he is coloured) as he thinks it's offensive. Obviously it's up to him what he calls himself.

Never said I thought she was racist, just rude even if she was complimenting dd. 'She has lovely hair' would suffice. And is what most people say to her.

Intentionally or not just think it's bit rude to make that sort of comment.

Things change daily it seems in this country I can't keep up. I am 50 and if my kids were not still at home to help me know all the new descriptions of people I would be in trouble. We always said half caste when I was younger I would not be insulted she was being nice just not knowing today's correct labelling.

I was born in the late eighties, mixed race and used 'half-caste' myself when growing up. The term changed to mixed when I was a teenager, never used coloured though.

This conversation would have annoyed me too OP, but as a mixed race person you get used to being interrogated.

Where are you from?
Where are your parents from?
Are you English?
Are your eyes real?
Are your Mum and Dad married?
How do you cope with your hair?
How did your mum ever manage to do your hair?
Do you like blacks? (Referring to if I'm attracted to black men or not)
Are you more black or white?
Do black people like you?

It grates.

Yeah, I think its racist. And weird. I sometimes get asked by newish friends whether my parents or grandparents came from a different country, I don't mind that so much, they are showing an interest, I ask about where names are from sometimes in that context. But comments from strangers, the use of the word half-caste, (I've had exotic or oriental a lot), racist. Why would a stranger want to know what percentage of you was from different races?

It's not rude to ask heritage but it's a huge faux-pas to use the term half-caste

Not racist. Ignorant nonetheless

I honestly cannot believe anyone 50 and under thinks half caste is an acceptable phrase. Or that it was ever acceptable. I'm in my 50s and it has always been a racist expression. Always

My youngest two have tight curly hair and I've been asked by strangers if they're mixed before.

Didn't offend me but it is a bit odd that they even asked!

The terminology she used annoyed me, yes. But I'm more affronted by someone finding it appropriate to make comment on it??!!!!

I would never dream of saying to someone 'oh hi, you have lovely straight black hair, are u half Chinese?' Just an example as ridiculous as it sounds.