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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not help out another parent?

370 replies

arethereanyleftatall · 04/01/2017 18:38

More of a wwyd.

Dds best friends mum has just texted to ask if we could pick her dd up every week and drop her home from an activity they're both about to start doing. We technically could, we're going anyway and it would only add about 5 mins extra to do the drop off on way home. But....over the years this will we well over 100 favours we have done for them. I haven't particularly been counting but there's been a term of getting her from school and having her for tea, a term of picking up and dropping at another activity etc. I have had to ask them for a favour a handful of times over the years and every time it's 'we'd love to help but can't because of x'. It will be my dh picking up, and I know he'll just do it no problem, but it's really beginnng to piss me off. Wwyd?

OP posts:
whyohwhy000 · 04/01/2017 18:42

Just say no unless they will be paying you.

DramaAlpaca · 04/01/2017 18:42

It sounds like you are being taken advantage of here and in your shoes I'd be pissed off too.

I'd be inclined to text back & tell her sorry but that doesn't work for you. You don't need to give a reason.

Treaclex · 04/01/2017 18:43

Hmm toughie as it seems it's a one way street it's a case of either do it and grin and bare it or say no and there could be implications for the girls Sad think I'd grin and bare it

kittybiscuits · 04/01/2017 18:43

I would just say sorry we can't help on this occasion - hope you can sort something out. Rinse and repeat.

DavidPuddy · 04/01/2017 18:43

If it's not a problem I'd do it.

HecateAntaia · 04/01/2017 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SparklyLeprechaun · 04/01/2017 18:44

I'd say I was just looking for another parent who might want to share pick ups, how about we do it on alternate weeks?

Ilovecaindingle · 04/01/2017 18:44

Cheeky fucker!!
Eh no thanks.

BarbarianMum · 04/01/2017 18:44

Saying "sorry, can't help" is not a one way street.

CoraPirbright · 04/01/2017 18:45

I was all ready to say 'yes, def do it - it wont put you out much' but these people sound like royal piss-takers. I think you could say that you could do it occasionally but not commit to every week as you might want to go on to do other things ......and see what they say. I will bet you a pound to a penny they will either try to guilt you into it by saying their dd wont be able to do it otherwise, or they will move on to another mug! These things have to be quid pro quo but given that you never get anything back, I wouldn't put myself out.

icy121 · 04/01/2017 18:45

Why not say something like "oh is your DD going too? Great we could take it in turns!"

WriterNeedsHelp2017 · 04/01/2017 18:45

Say you were going to suggest you share lifts - see what she says to that.

cherrycrumblecustard · 04/01/2017 18:45

I like the alternate weeks suggestion.

Floggingmolly · 04/01/2017 18:47

Have they ever reciprocated the activity drop offs? If not, they're complete users who need to be told.

CoraPirbright · 04/01/2017 18:48

Ooh Hecate has a good point! Perhaps you could reply n text "oh I was rather hoping you would offer given we had X for tea every certain day last term".

expatinscotland · 04/01/2017 18:49

I'd say NO because even if you offer alternate weeks, they'll find an excuse not to do theirs. 'Sorry, but cannot commit to such an arrangement just now. You'll need to provide your own transport.'

Original poster
arethereanyleftatall · 04/01/2017 18:49

Thing is it will be obvious we can help, because dh will be there picking dd up, so it's really just me being churlish to not. I think I will text her using the word share/alternate and see what happens.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 04/01/2017 18:51

'Thing is it will be obvious we can help, because dh will be there picking dd up, so it's really just me being churlish to not.'

So what? Fuck her. She'll find a reason to slither out of it when it's her week because she's a pisstaking cow. 'Sorry, but cannot commit to such an arrangement.xx'

lookatmeimsandradee · 04/01/2017 18:52

Oooh this sounds exactly like my neighbour
Mum works stupid hours in banking earning mega ££ dad teaches music so isn't available to take anywhere.
I remember her texting me asking if I could pick her dd up from school and feed her.
The worst was when she put her dd in brownies but she nor her dad where available to take, she managed to get someone to take her dd but wanted me to bring her back.
I ended up turning off my phone until she got the message.
People like this just take take take, she doesn't speak to me now but our dds are still besties

PaulAnkaTheDog · 04/01/2017 18:52

I'd do it. I hate the tit for tat nonsense that goes on with a lot of parents.

Floggingmolly · 04/01/2017 18:52

But one of them will also be there, picking up their dd... They could just as easily pick up yours at the same time. Is there a particular reason why it would be easier for you?

Hissy · 04/01/2017 18:52

Just say you'd prefer not to get tied into an extra responsibility.

It's ok to say no.

Original poster
arethereanyleftatall · 04/01/2017 18:52

Cross post with hectate. I'm slow. You're right - I wish I'd said ' it would be fairer...' to make a point.

OP posts:
Brokenbiscuit · 04/01/2017 18:52

If you don't want to do it, just say no. You don't have to give a reason.

I would probably do it, though. I drop a friend's dd home twice a week, because I can. Yes, it probably costs me a bit extra in time and petrol, but I don't really mind. I don't feel they're taking the piss, though, and perhaps that's the difference.

whyohwhy000 · 04/01/2017 18:56

Thing is it will be obvious we can help, because dh will be there picking dd up, so it's really just me being churlish to not.

But wouldn't you still have to drive to the friend's house?

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