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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not help out another parent?

370 replies

arethereanyleftatall · 04/01/2017 18:38

More of a wwyd.

Dds best friends mum has just texted to ask if we could pick her dd up every week and drop her home from an activity they're both about to start doing. We technically could, we're going anyway and it would only add about 5 mins extra to do the drop off on way home. But....over the years this will we well over 100 favours we have done for them. I haven't particularly been counting but there's been a term of getting her from school and having her for tea, a term of picking up and dropping at another activity etc. I have had to ask them for a favour a handful of times over the years and every time it's 'we'd love to help but can't because of x'. It will be my dh picking up, and I know he'll just do it no problem, but it's really beginnng to piss me off. Wwyd?

OP posts:
monkeywithacowface · 21/01/2017 22:16

This will be ongoing. Offer a swap this time but next time say "sorry think it's easier if we make our own arrangements in future"

SanitysSake · 21/01/2017 22:21

Yup.. Edwin has it.

Trollspoopglitter · 21/01/2017 22:24

That's really quite a shame as I've already scheduled stuff for your weeks. I'm afraid this work work if we can't count on each other, so best we both find our own way there from now.

Trollspoopglitter · 21/01/2017 22:24

Won't work

dustarr73 · 21/01/2017 22:26

Theres your get out clause.She is the one that has let her daughter down not you.So get out now.

BoomBoomsCousin · 21/01/2017 22:26

Unless you are happy to do the bulk of the pickups for the rest of the time I would either say "So you'll be doing week 4 then?" (don't let her put it off until after you've done three on the trot, because you know she'll find another excuse the next time it's her turn). Or just go straight to monkey's "I think it's easier if we just make our own arrangements. [since it doesn't look like sharing is going to work out]."

Blatherskite · 21/01/2017 22:35

So she managed pulling her weight just once before she reverted to form!

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 21/01/2017 22:50

Hi xxx sorry, I can't do the shared pick up any more as I need to be able to plan. I hope you can find someone else to share with.

Politix · 21/01/2017 22:54

Katy07. (Posted on Jan 6th)
Just because she says she'll do the first week doesn't mean she's planning on doing alternate weeks!! My £ says that she'll be "busy" the third week...

😂 Looks like katy07 was right!

Magzmarsh · 21/01/2017 22:58

I knew she'd do this. Tell her to make her own arrangements in future. Your dd is your priority.

Sweets101 · 21/01/2017 22:58

Just read the thread, could see the latest tect coming a mile off! Edwins text is great but don't be suprised if she continues in the same vein

HarryPottersMagicWand · 21/01/2017 23:00

OMG! NOOOO. She isn't sticking to it and has asked you to do it. Did not see that one coming. Wink

Tell her this isn't going to work for you as it was a mutual agreement and you can't keep chopping and changing as you makes plans for these dayd. Tough shit if her child misses out, it's her that's letting her child down, not you. Your DH is under no obligation to explain anything to her whilst picking up his own child.

EweAreHere · 21/01/2017 23:13

Arrrrghhhhh.

Of course she did.

I'd just tell her since her word is no good, as usual, you clearly can't rely on her, you're going to make other arrangements.

Corialanusburt · 21/01/2017 23:14

None of this will work. Of course she agreed to the jobshare as she had no plans to stick to it and it was easy to say to reel you in.
You will do the lion's share no matter what unless you just stop the arrangement.

GColdtimer · 21/01/2017 23:39

Sorry if this has been answered/covered, can she drop her dd off? If so ask her to drop off and you pick up.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 21/01/2017 23:42

I'd say no tbh

EineKleine · 21/01/2017 23:45

Swap thing this time. Next time, dontcallme's line about needing to plan should cover it. You might want to give her one last chance first, so she can't accuse you of overreacting by ending it the first time she wanted to swap. (Yes I appreciate she has form but she might have forgotten!)

I think the fact that she asked you to do her week, rather than proposing a swap, says it all.

Butterymuffin · 21/01/2017 23:48

Yes, dontcallme's text is good. I said earlier on the thread you should pull out the second time she cancels on you. So in my book, she has no more wiggle soon after this. I like the proposal to swap though. And do stop it all, if not this time, the next time she pulls this.

Berthatydfil · 21/01/2017 23:48

You could be generous and give her one chance by saying yes but asking her to swap. The problem being is that she ha already told you she can't do the week after that anyway so by the you will be 4 or 5 weeks into the activity and a pattern has been set that you will be doing it. Which is probably what she intended in the first place and she probably only did the one week to suck you in.
So it maybe better to say that's it's not possible and it might be better for you both to make your own arrangements from now on.
Good luck

Witchend · 21/01/2017 23:57

I would swap that time, but the next time she asks say something along the lines of "oh dear, I'd got you down for that one so I can't pick up your dd as I've got stuff I have to go straight on for. Really difficult for me."

dustarr73 · 22/01/2017 00:04

I would nip it in the bud now,you know she has no intention of doing her fair share.You gave her the benefit of doubt.And it hasnt worked out.

Lunde · 22/01/2017 00:07

So she is bailing on the carpooling already after a couple of weeks? She obviously had no intention of doing more than a token week or 2 and then making her dd your problem

eddielizzard · 22/01/2017 08:05

i would suggest a swap.

any response other than 'great, thank you! i'll do the next few' would be met with, 'hmmm this isn't really working is it?'

scaredoffallout · 22/01/2017 09:38

Just dump her - she sounds awful. Tell her that the arrangement is not working out, and she should make her own bloody arrangements from now on.

scaredoffallout · 22/01/2017 09:40

And I totally agree with the poster who said she did one week to suck you in. She's a user, not a friend.

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