AIBU to not help out another parent?

[arethereanyleftatall]

More of a wwyd.

Dds best friends mum has just texted to ask if we could pick her dd up every week and drop her home from an activity they're both about to start doing. We technically could, we're going anyway and it would only add about 5 mins extra to do the drop off on way home. But....over the years this will we well over 100 favours we have done for them. I haven't particularly been counting but there's been a term of getting her from school and having her for tea, a term of picking up and dropping at another activity etc. I have had to ask them for a favour a handful of times over the years and every time it's 'we'd love to help but can't because of x'. It will be my dh picking up, and I know he'll just do it no problem, but it's really beginnng to piss me off. Wwyd?

That's really quite a shame as I've already scheduled stuff for your weeks. I'm afraid this work work if we can't count on each other, so best we both find our own way there from now

^ I would send this, if you were feeling generous you could give her one more chance and ask about a swap if she makes an excuse for not doing that then I would send lemons message

I wouldn't automatically assume they are taking the piss - some people just lack a bit of self reflection and the thought you could share the duties might have not occurred.

I would give them chance to share alternate weeks and then if they do let you down you have a basis for saying it's unfair on you.

Or they might reply and give a valid excuse for them not being able to - if dd's bets friend was unable to attend without this help that wasn't too much out of my way then I'd suck it up and do it.

I wouldn't automatically assume they are taking the piss - some people just lack a bit of self reflection

You are being far too charitable! There are lots of people out there who are downright selfish and think nothing of expecting everyone else to run around after them.

I'm all for lift sharing - it's efficient, time saving and eco-friendly. We have complicated 3-way shares going for drama and Scouts and it's very much understood that if you can't do one week you SWAP with another parent, not expect them to do it for you. This doesn't have to be explicitly explained to anyone, it's common courtesy and basic manners. Sometimes I will do favours for friends without expecting anything back - did a year of taking a child to pre-school with mine twice a week as her mum worked and couldn't get them there on time. Fast forward 5 years and this mum helped me enormously after recent surgery when I coudln't drive. It's great to have friends who will help each other out - but the OP's "friend" isn't really helping anyone.

I agree with pp, one last chance to see if she will make it a fair arrangement. If not tell her you should each make separate arrangements.
I note giving a lift wouldn't massively put you out usually but if it was me I'd up with a slow burn of fury against myself for letting myself be taken for a mug again and (maybe I'm over sensitive but) yes, that really would "put me out".

Id just go with the text 'this doesnt seem yo be working. I think it's best we make our own plans now'

I bet she does this to the other parents of her DS friends, claims they cannot do drop offs and pick ups because DD is at her activity at the same time.

Whilst both of them are sat at home enjoying the peace and quiet and taking the Royal piss out of everyone!

Nip it in the bud now and say your on your Jack!

OMG, MN got this one so, so totally and utterly right. Have a gold PPs. They did, indeed see this coming!

Agree both Edwin and Don'tcall have nailed it.

Let us know what happens next, arethereany!

Dontcall's text is great. Anything else, such as saying 'let's switch' or saying 'just this once' will only be a stop-gap measure. She'll do only just enough pickups/dropoffs to keep stringing you along.

How did she respond?

Not sure about DD age, but could you use a lack of car seat as a reason?

Agree that you should suggest a swap this time and next time (and there will be a next time) use the text about needing to plan and so doing own thing. Also, if she ever asks you again, just say you have decided it's too awkward/doesn't work to share as people you have tried it with in the past have proved unreliable so you don't do it anymore. She probably won't even realise you mean her!

i can't bear the suspense! what happened?

Katy07 has obviously been on the receiving end of pisstakers as she spotted it a mile off

Desperate to know what happened?

ha ! I buzzed OP

How's this all going? How many Friday pick-ups has the flakey friend done since this thread kicked off?

Ask to split it, one week each?

This is what they agreed. The other mother did just one week and then flaked out on her next turn.

Ooooh yes, I remember this one. What happened?

She sounds like a typical user shook mum! Every school has one, she probably does this with other folk too. Drop her quick.