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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Left out of lunch

260 replies

LittleMermaidRose · 01/01/2017 23:20

DH & I were at the in-laws today for a family lunch (SIL+BIL too).

MIL invites us all through for a buffet style lunch & says to me loudly "you can't have any of this".
It's all meat - I'm a vegetarian & they've known this for 6 years.

FIL (who's very sweet) offers to make me a cheese sandwich, to which MIL huffs & says "oh well I could put out some crisps".
I replied "oh no it's ok, I'm still pretty full from breakfast" since she seemed annoyed at the offer.

I was really quite hurt! MIL has a bullying nature, so I think she just done that to be mean.
I could have brought along something for myself if it was going to be a hassle for her to put out something veggie (it was all shop bought party food though so it's not like she had been slaving away cooking for hours) but I was really embarrassed having to watch everyone else eat while I had nothing.

DH encouraged me to let FIL make something for me, but MIL just made me feel like such a bother I didn't want to say yes. I think DH felt bad for me cause he hardly ate a thing (& I know he was hungry).

Does anyone else have MIL problems like this or is it just me? There seems to be something every time I see her!

OP posts:
ChuckSnowballs · 01/01/2017 23:22

It is not a family lunch though if they deliberately don't cater for you. Not hard to buy cheese straws or something for you is it?

annoyedofnorwich · 01/01/2017 23:23

Take a packed lunch to whip out next time with a pointed glare!

girlelephant · 01/01/2017 23:24

This is so rude! I would never invite someone over for a meal and then not cater to them. There are lots of veggie party foods that she could have purchased for you and the others to enjoy.

Has she done this before? Is your DH going to discuss this with her?

OliviaBenson · 01/01/2017 23:25

Your MIL was very wrong but why be a martyr. You were hungry and had the offer of a cheese sandwich. I don't understand why you said no tbh.

TyneTeas · 01/01/2017 23:26

what was the food that none of it was suitable for vegetarians!?

DailyFail1 · 01/01/2017 23:26

She was definitely excluding you. Your dh should refuse to come next time unless you are catered for.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/01/2017 23:26

Extremely rude, and making noises when FIL offered to make you something. I think this was done on purpose. Next time take a lunch with yiu. I woukd have Let FIL make me something, let the nasty witch huff and puff, so what!

WorraLiberty · 01/01/2017 23:27

The whole thing sounds too weird for words.

Including your DH who didn't go and make the bloody sandwich for you Confused

TyneTeas · 01/01/2017 23:28

sorry - posted too soon. not doubting you just boggling at how a buffet could be all non-vegetarian unless really going out of the way for it to be so

llangennith · 01/01/2017 23:29

She was very rude and inhospitable but couldn't you just have accepted FIL's offer to make you a sandwich? You didn't have to be a martyr.

KoalaDownUnder · 01/01/2017 23:29

That is so rude. What a cow!

It's not difficult to buy a vegetarian option. Confused

Birdsgottafly · 01/01/2017 23:30

You should have let your FIL make you something, it was on the suggestion of your DH, who then could have taken it up with her, if she got nasty.

Either that, or left.

Your not giving her any reason to change, so why would she? She is who she is and obviously enjoys it.

Lunar1 · 01/01/2017 23:31

Why on earth didn't you husband say anything, I can't believe he ate the food when there was nothing for you!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/01/2017 23:33

That's very rude exclusive and needless of her.

Would she be like that if you had an allergy.

She could have made cheese and egg sandwiches or tuna if you still eat fish, along with pasta and rice. There's no excuse to exclude anyone.
It might be different if she wasn't aware but then. You ask about cultures allergies preferences or if people are vegetarians, vegans ect and cater as such.
Your fil sounds lovely. BTW. He was probably embarrassed by her behavior.

WorraLiberty · 01/01/2017 23:38

There is absolutely no way my DH would have sat and ate anything without making sure I had something to eat too.

I'd be far more disappointed in him than anyone in this situation.

That doesn't let your MIL off the hook (because she sounds batshit mad), but you didn't marry her, did you?

SparkleShinyGlitter · 01/01/2017 23:39

It's not very nice.

Some people are just like that I've friends that won't cater for anyone's "fade" I eat meat and pretty much anything myself but a few of my friends are veggie and vegan and have been for years. When they come to mine I always make sure there is something everyone can eat but a few of my friends aren't like that, I can't understand it as most veggie/ vegan nibbles/ meals are fairy easy to make or even buy from any supermarket.

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/01/2017 23:39

I would be annoyed with mil but also dh

Why on earth didn't he say anything to his mum to back you up

You are not a new gf. They've known you are a veggie

Buffet is easy to cater for. French bread. Cheese crisps salad pasta Veggie meat/sausages etc

Fil sounds lovely and agree why be hungry and a Martya

A yes fil that would be lovely and much appreciated. Why your wife decides to ignore /forget what I ate is beyond me

What was food if there was nothing you could eat

PidgeyfinderGeneral · 01/01/2017 23:39

Oh for god's sake. I am a vegetarian too. DH's family have known this for 20 years and they always always cater for me too. There was one occasion (in a different country) where I got pointedly given a plate of carrots and peas and nothing else. She has done it on purpose.

You say, 'mil, I could have brought over some veggie food if you didn't manage to buy any. There's nothing for me to eat.'

Then your DH tells her it's unacceptable for her to behave this way.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/01/2017 23:40

Yes your DH is also rude. Must take after his mother. You know what they say about apples and trees

QueenMortificado · 01/01/2017 23:42

What on earth was the buffet to all be meat?!

And the poster who said "if you still eat fish". If you still eat fish you're not vegetarian.

Original poster
LittleMermaidRose · 01/01/2017 23:44

There was quiche Lorraine, cocktail sausages, sausage rolls, a chorizo platter thing, chicken skewers & mini pork pies.
Even if she had just bought a plain cheese quiche instead, I don't expect her to make the whole lunch vegetarian or anything but there wasn't one thing I could eat.

I know, I should have let him make me something, but she made me feel awful & embarrassed so I just didn't want to be a bother. She really intimidates me :(

OP posts:
QueenMortificado · 01/01/2017 23:46

So there was no bread, no salad, no new potatoes?!

That sounds like an awful buffet without anything green to balance it out!

Madeyemoodysmum · 01/01/2017 23:49

Tell her to big off next time she invites you round. Horrible behaviour

Madeyemoodysmum · 01/01/2017 23:49

Bog off

WorraLiberty · 01/01/2017 23:50

Why are you more angry with your MIL than your DH though?

You and your husband are supposed to be a team - looking out for one another.

Instead, he sat and ate while you had nothing?!

And this is the second thread I've read this Christmas where a selfish prick has done just that, while his wife had nothing to eat.