Left out of lunch

[LittleMermaidRose]

DH & I were at the in-laws today for a family lunch (SIL+BIL too).

MIL invites us all through for a buffet style lunch & says to me loudly "you can't have any of this".
It's all meat - I'm a vegetarian & they've known this for 6 years.

FIL (who's very sweet) offers to make me a cheese sandwich, to which MIL huffs & says "oh well I could put out some crisps".
I replied "oh no it's ok, I'm still pretty full from breakfast" since she seemed annoyed at the offer.

I was really quite hurt! MIL has a bullying nature, so I think she just done that to be mean.
I could have brought along something for myself if it was going to be a hassle for her to put out something veggie (it was all shop bought party food though so it's not like she had been slaving away cooking for hours) but I was really embarrassed having to watch everyone else eat while I had nothing.

DH encouraged me to let FIL make something for me, but MIL just made me feel like such a bother I didn't want to say yes. I think DH felt bad for me cause he hardly ate a thing (& I know he was hungry).

Does anyone else have MIL problems like this or is it just me? There seems to be something every time I see her!

misshelena - ...the dh has had a life of taking this woman (MIL's) shit and to expect him to suddenly be able to see it for what it is, is naive.

The OP has not which is why she can discern that this behaviour is un- acceptabale. I do think the DH is in the wrong but ultimately this is MIL's doing and the OP has to decide what she will do. Pushing it back onto her dh won't ultimately solve this, he has proved he cannot stand up to his mum. IMHO

Your MIL certainly does seem to be a bully.

DH encouraged me to let FIL make something for me, but MIL just made me feel like such a bother I didn't want to say yes

I'd do what your DH suggested next time.

Graciously thank your FIL and tell him how very kind and thoughtful he is and accept his offer with profuse thanks.

That way - you don't go hungry, MIL gets shown up for being a miserable so-and-so and the attention moves from her to someone more deserving (i.e. your kind FIL).

Really HAM it up.....haha

Italian -- .the dh has had a life of taking this woman (MIL's) shit and to expect him to suddenly be able to see it for what it is, is naive.

Really? I think DH saw it quite clearly. OP said that he sat there and barely ate.

"Pushing it back onto her dh won't ultimately solve this, he has proved he cannot stand up to his mum."

Really? Are you advising OP to just accept that DH will always be a momma's boy? I guess you and I will just have to agree to disagree.

mereswinesaliva that is a brilliant suggestion. I am amazed at how many different ways there are of handling this situation. I really like your suggestion.

I'd also want to get my head in the fridge when FIL went for the cheese... see if there were any pickles, mango chutney or Branston, maybe an apple. I'd want my plate to look so healthy compared to the others!

However, in the long run I still think the OP needs to face her fears here, it must be very soul destroying to be constantly cancelled out of things in this way.

misshelena "Really? Are you advising OP to just accept that DH will always be a momma's boy? I guess you and I will just have to agree to disagree." We can certainly agree to disagree but for the record as I said many pages ago, I think if the OP takes action and leads, he may well follow. Whether the OP accepts or doesn't accept her dh as a mummy's boy is not my concern. I would like to empower herself and handle this because *I think (IMVHO) this is the most likely way this will get resolved. But I also feel, as I said before she should work in conjunction with dh.

But waiting for him to step up, well, I just don't see it happening anytime soon but I would be delighted to be wrong, I honestly wood.

mereswinesaliva that is a brilliant suggestion. I am amazed at how many different ways there are of handling this situation. I really like your suggestion.

I'd also want to get my head in the fridge when FIL went for the cheese... see if there were any pickles, mango chutney or Branston, maybe an apple. I'd want my plate to look so healthy compared to the others!

However, in the long run I still think the OP needs to face her fears here, it must be very soul destroying to be constantly cancelled out of things in this way.

misshelena "Really? Are you advising OP to just accept that DH will always be a momma's boy? I guess you and I will just have to agree to disagree." We can certainly agree to disagree but for the record as I said many pages ago, I think if the OP takes action and leads, he may well follow. Whether the OP accepts or doesn't accept her dh as a mummy's boy is not my concern. I would like to empower herself and handle this because *I think (IMVHO) this is the most likely way this will get resolved. But I also feel, as I said before she should work in conjunction with dh.

But waiting for him to step up, well, I just don't see it happening anytime soon but I would be delighted to be wrong, I honestly wood.

I honestly would.

Mermaid I hope I am not too strident on your thread. I really hope your dh will step up.

@Italiangreyhound Thank you!

Yes, it is amazing how different we all are. I think one's own personality plays into which solution you would feel most comfortable with.

My way is to move your attention and mental energy away from the rude mean people and direct it towards people who are more deserving. Don't give the meanies the satisfaction, I say!

Your hosts offered you a cheese sandwich, you declined. ....

@maddy68 - this was posted in 2017 - I think @LittleMermaidRose his over it by now.

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