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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

FFS Mil has just announced she is coming for Christmas again next year!

138 replies

barkinginessex · 01/01/2017 12:33

I'm at the end of my tether today. Mil has just invited herself here again for Christmas next year and I want to cry.
She lives an hour away and stayed with us for all of Christmas and new year, she leaves soon and I can't wait to get my house back.
She's loud, pushy and stuck in her ways and I don't think I can cope with another Christmas like this one. It's been really boring and she's messy so the house is a tip. She's not lifted a finger since she got here. She disapproves of me cleaning and tidying and says I should chill out!
DP has said nothing but would I be unreasonable to say she's not coming again for Christmas and if she does then I won't be here to deal with any of it?

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 01/01/2017 12:35

"Sorry, MIL, we won't be hosting Christmas next year. We're not sure what are plans are yet but we'll definitely see you at some point".

IfartInYourGeneralDirection · 01/01/2017 12:36

^^ this.
Just say no

Cosmicglitterpug · 01/01/2017 12:36

lying has it spot on.

chickenowner · 01/01/2017 12:37

Don't let it happen!

Footinmouthasusual · 01/01/2017 12:37

This ^ just no sorry no.

confusedandemployed · 01/01/2017 12:38

No one invites themselves to my house. I'd be putting a stop to that right now. It'll only get harder as time goes by.

ivykaty44 · 01/01/2017 12:38

Oh gosh mil we may not even be here as it's such a long time away we can't make those sort of plans now..

YouTheCat · 01/01/2017 12:38

Have you any family you'd rather invite? Sometimes having an alternate year arrangement works well for these situations, makes it seem fairer etc.

She has a whole year to sort out something else.

Isadora2007 · 01/01/2017 12:39

Just fudge it for now-
"We are not sure what our plans will be next Xmas by can discuss it later on in the year"

Then get DH on side and make sure he lets her know what is happening.

LagunaBubbles · 01/01/2017 12:39

What's wrong with saying the word No?

HardcoreLadyType · 01/01/2017 12:40

"It's far too early to make plans for next Christmas, now, MIL'sname!"

barkinginessex · 01/01/2017 12:42

It must sound silly to get worked up about something that's so far away but she will mention it everytime we see her from now until Christmas so as soon as she goes I'm going to tell DP to make it clear we aren't hosting next year. I feel bad as she isn't a bad person and I get on okay with her most of the time but it's been hard work over Christmas and I haven't enjoyed any of it as I feel like I've spent 2 weeks cleaning up and making drinks for everyone.

OP posts:
barkinginessex · 01/01/2017 12:43

This year I meant not next year sorry!

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 01/01/2017 12:44

Just book to go away on holiday somewhere instead!

chickenowner · 01/01/2017 12:45

I think it's fine to not host next year if you have this year. Smile

Astro55 · 01/01/2017 12:45

Tell your DH it's not happening!
Why are DHs so blind to the amount of effort and time it takes to entertain a guest??

Seriously sort yourself out for next year DH and his mother can do what they like - leave him to it -

YouTheCat · 01/01/2017 12:49

2 weeks is too long to host anyone. If she only lives an hour away why couldn't she have come on Christmas Eve and left on Boxing Day?

Wolpertinger · 01/01/2017 12:49

'Sorry but I don't think we'll be doing it the same way next year'

2 weeks! She only lives an hour away Shock

mickeysminnie · 01/01/2017 12:50

She only lives an hour away but has stayed with you for 2 weeks!! Confused

barkinginessex · 01/01/2017 12:58

My parents came Christmas eve and left Boxing Day and they live 2 hours away. I felt sad that I barely spent anytime with them as I was rushing about trying to sort everything out and look after everyone. She's very overbearing and critical if things aren't done her way, so sometimes it's easier just to go along with her. I agree that men don't really get how much work goes into hosting, I've cleaned the house so many times and it's still a mess, her stuff is everywhere. But I don't think she has a clue how hard it's been to have her here for so long. I'm getting wound up now, will talk to DP as soon as she leaves.

OP posts:
Yoarchie · 01/01/2017 12:59

Holiday!

Astro55 · 01/01/2017 13:00

If you want something doing properly - so it yourself!!!At home

diddl · 01/01/2017 13:02

She lives an hour away?

Christ you've been had!

Lunch or evening meal on Boxing day at that distance is plenty.

What has her son done towards hosting?

Did he actually want her there for so long or didn't he dare say no?

MotherFuckingChainsaw · 01/01/2017 13:03

Fuck that

Go to Butlins.

If your DH is so keen to have her he can host her himself.

SukeyTakeItOffAgain · 01/01/2017 13:03

Someone will be along in a minute to helpfully tell you that their husband would never behave like that and how dare you tar them with the same brush and to LTB.

I think the first response was spot on, and for future visits, make it clear that two week stays are NOT going to happen. That kind of thing is reserved for guests from overseas. Three/four days is a sensible limit.

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