FFS Mil has just announced she is coming for Christmas again next year!

[barkinginessex]

I'm at the end of my tether today. Mil has just invited herself here again for Christmas next year and I want to cry.
She lives an hour away and stayed with us for all of Christmas and new year, she leaves soon and I can't wait to get my house back.
She's loud, pushy and stuck in her ways and I don't think I can cope with another Christmas like this one. It's been really boring and she's messy so the house is a tip. She's not lifted a finger since she got here. She disapproves of me cleaning and tidying and says I should chill out!
DP has said nothing but would I be unreasonable to say she's not coming again for Christmas and if she does then I won't be here to deal with any of it?

Send DP to live with his MOther

Hi oh dear poor you, if only an hour away couldn't dh drive her home at the same time as your parents leave ? I would be looking at the holiday brochures and start saving now . This can only get worse.

DP is still sulking, said he doesn't feel like the house is his own as I'm obsessed with cleaning and tidying!

Your house hasn't felt like your own while his mother has been staying.
And is it because of what she's been saying about your tidying that he's now jumped on the bandwagon?

DP is still sulking, said he doesn't feel like the house is his own as I'm obsessed with cleaning and tidying!

If he doesn't appreciate what you are doing - stop doing it - all of it!!

Ask him what's for tea? Ask him where your clean top is? Ask him if he's been to Asda - then sit in your arse and watch fucking repeats entertaining TV

barkinginessex. I think you're doing the right thing in reevaluating your relationship. He has allowed you to run around after him and his mother, he has blanked you when you wanted to talk to him, he's complaining it doesn't feel like his home because you are cleaning & tidying... it doesn't sound good. You deserve much more than this.

DP is still sulking, said he doesn't feel like the house is his own as I'm obsessed with cleaning and tidying!

Remind him that you both live there. So for you. You need to show him how you feel!

Tell him that you now feel like you have to re-evaluate your relationship; that you have felt like a live-in maid there to wait on him and mil; that you had a miserable Christmas and are planning on spending it elsewhere next time.

He needs to get over his sulk and start behaving like a grown up, discuss things properly; he needs to look at his priorities and consider where you are in there.

NB if he continues to sulk, obfuscate and deflect, then you can't have a proper discussion and can't have a proper relationship. You need to think about that too.

Good luck.

Maybe she was joking?

Use your irritation to fuel action. Don't bother arguing. Instead use the energy to
Look up holidays for Xmas 2017. I've just Googled and there's loads with up to 60% off for an early booking. Take it in steps: Next time you feel angered choose a holiday. Next time you get angered, pay the deposit, bit by bit use the anger to fuel the plan! I read that in a book once called The Dance of Anger. I left an abusive relationship this way so you can definitely plan an Cmas break for yourself... A Caribbean cruise sounds fantastic but even a self catering in Europe would fit the bill. Doing something unexpected like this could be thrilling and really turn this horrible Xmas experience into something really great and exciting to look forward to.

Do you not have relatives you could visit or claim are coming instead? I haven't spent Christmas with my Mil in years. On a three or four year cycle I go to my brother's or he comes to us but one or two of the years we spend alone! Otherwise say you are planning to spend it in an hotel, and if needs be, do. Or maybe you should organize what my parents did and spend the Saturday before Christmas having a big festive lunch at hers (or even yours) with Christmas just being about you. Or perhaps it's her turn to host!

Tell him and Mil its great you will see them next Christmas.And then fuck off to your parents and leave him and his mother together.After all is no bother and not a lot of trouble,so he can do it.

If you really can't get out of it then throw a sickie at the last minute (you've got all year to practise) so Mil and Dp will have to get on with it. You and you dps can have a meal out together before or after Christmas.

Astro55 I'm with you, shame there isn't a like button.
Op, you don't have to make excuses for her not to stay next year and although a christmas holiday sounds great, you shouldn't have to. I would be telling my partner it is not happenong again and it is his responsibility to deal with it.
Personally I would have thrown the ball back with. "Oh, I thought we were alternating and we were coming to you". I know she has lost a partner and it is not easy at christmas, I and many others have been through same but I have always contributed with housework to the point of being told to sit down and relax. I suppose we are all different. People can only control what you let them!