Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

FFS Mil has just announced she is coming for Christmas again next year!

138 replies

barkinginessex · 01/01/2017 12:33

I'm at the end of my tether today. Mil has just invited herself here again for Christmas next year and I want to cry.
She lives an hour away and stayed with us for all of Christmas and new year, she leaves soon and I can't wait to get my house back.
She's loud, pushy and stuck in her ways and I don't think I can cope with another Christmas like this one. It's been really boring and she's messy so the house is a tip. She's not lifted a finger since she got here. She disapproves of me cleaning and tidying and says I should chill out!
DP has said nothing but would I be unreasonable to say she's not coming again for Christmas and if she does then I won't be here to deal with any of it?

OP posts:
pklme · 02/01/2017 08:28

Hope it went ok, OP! What a wally!

Original poster
barkinginessex · 02/01/2017 08:39

Thank you. Unfortunately when I tried to talk to him he refused to listen and walked off so we aren't speaking. To be honest it's making me evaluate our relationship, I feel like a live in maid after these 2 weeks!

OP posts:
PassiveAgressiveQueen · 02/01/2017 08:42

My family have been here for a while, i just walk upto them and give them jobs, as they are family not visitors.
Yesterday i had my dad hoovering.

youarenotkiddingme · 02/01/2017 08:46

Could you tell DP that next year his mum can do Xmas Eve to Boxing Day as your family are coming the 1/2 weeks? Then get your parents onside to pretend that's the plan but they only do 3 days too?

But yes I'd be evaluating anrelationship where you say something is too much for you and your DP refuses to speak to you.

Would telling him at least you have a year to teach him and give him a list of what he'll have to do to host her make him change his mind?!

Fartleks · 02/01/2017 08:51

Does your DH pull his weight over xmas?

I would tell her she can visit Boxing Day but you have decided to have a quiet Christmas Day and don't want any guests.

TheSparrowhawk · 02/01/2017 08:52

So he expects you to serve his mother and gets stroppy if you say no?

SloanyAnne · 02/01/2017 08:54

Why does he think it's fair to have his mother stay so long 2 years running and not your parents.
Maybe you should have a nice holiday for 1 next year and leave him to sort it out.

PaulDacresConscience · 02/01/2017 09:25

I take it from your latest update that he doesn't share the running about and Christmas prep and chores equally, then?

In which case it's a simple discussion: I am not a maid and I am not doing this any more. If you want your Mother round for a fortnight and for her to be waited on hand and foot, then you are doing it all - the prep, the cleaning, the food buying and cooking, the washing up, all of it.

Then I would book to spend Christmas somewhere else and leave him to it.

Original poster
barkinginessex · 02/01/2017 09:26

Yes I'm tempted to book myself a holiday somewhere nice for Christmas! DP and his mum will only help if it involves the turkey and cooking of Chrismas dinner as it has to be done their way and they won't hear of any of my ideas etc. I'm getting more and more angry now.

OP posts:
TheSparrowhawk · 02/01/2017 09:41

How nice for your DP that he snagged an unpaid servant (also known as a slave)/ carer for his mum. Very convenient. Shame she won't do as she's told though, no wonder he's angry.

Astro55 · 02/01/2017 09:46

Lots of great Christmas deals on for next year - grab a friend and go somewhere nice!!! - don't tell him - let him invite his mother if he wants!!!

See how it feels to be waited on.

Then forget to shop for food and presents -

Seriously think about it -

Supermagicsmile · 02/01/2017 09:50

Agree with what others have said
:)

LadyFannyOfOmaha · 02/01/2017 09:57

Atilla and Euphemia have hit the nail on the head. There's no point trying to reason with MIL, she isn't worried about your feelings and will manipulate you to have her needs met. She's probably loving the fact that it's caused a row between you and DH. Don't be a martyr and spoil your own Xmas to please her. You don't need to play her game.

mirokarikovo · 02/01/2017 10:09

Look up how much it would cost to have a live in maid and cook. so that you can be waited upon too for as long as your MIL is staying. if only 1 day is affordable then MIL can only stay 1 day.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 02/01/2017 10:13

I think he feels bad saying no as she lost her partner last year

It isn't bad to say no, but this was obviously their first Christmas without them. Trust me it can be incredibly hard, no matter what 'front' people put on.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 02/01/2017 10:17

She lives an hour away, why can't she arrive on Xmas Eve and dh take her home early on the 27 th? as you have plans then

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 02/01/2017 10:18

Oh gosh, she lost her partner? I think I'd try and summon up a lot of compassion tbh.

Cherrysoup · 02/01/2017 10:26

Two weeks is ridiculous when she lives an hour away. Max of Christmas day and a Boxing Day, not 2 fucking weeks! I'd be in jail for murder by day three.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 02/01/2017 10:35

DP and his mum will only help if it involves the turkey and cooking of Chrismas dinner as it has to be done their way and they won't hear of any of my ideas etc. I'm getting more and more angry now

This is just not on. You've been a saint over Christmas. There's no way I could cope with mil (who is lovely) for 2 weeks.
Good luck speaking to your dh about it.

hollyisalovelyname · 02/01/2017 10:56

Do you have children too to look after?
Your partner is not pulling his weight, is he?
Like mother, like son perhaps???

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 02/01/2017 11:02

*Oh gosh, she lost her partner? I think I'd try and summon up a lot of compassion tbh.

^ this although there isn't a lot of compassion on MN for MIL

Inertia · 02/01/2017 12:03

So both DH and Mil are demanding that their unpaid slave gets signed up for cooking and cleaning duty in advance? Of course yanbu.

I wouldn't ask your partner to talk to her because he clearly isn't in tune with you. You need to tell them both that you won't be hosting Christmas next year, so they can start making other plans now.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 02/01/2017 12:13

Barking, just read your update, apalling behaviour from your DH.
You have been a wonderful hostess this Christmas, most of us would find the length of time your MIL stayed, intolerable. You have been amazing !
However, this is a discussion, that needs to be had.
He needs to grow up and face the music.
Carry on making yourself heard Lovely, otherwise there will be ongoing tension. I am 😡 On your behalf.

Astro55 · 02/01/2017 12:43

Losing a partner does not allow you to be rude in another home - assume she's still capable of tidying round, cooking a meal and being helpful? She'd have to do it at home wouldn't she?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 02/01/2017 12:46

Losing a partner does not allow you to be rude in another home - assume she's still capable of tidying round, cooking a meal and being helpful? She'd have to do it at home wouldn't she?

Grief affects people in different ways.

I was incapable of putting one foot in front of the other tbh.

OP says that she usually gets on ok with MIL.

I just think that some are missing this fact whilst MIL bashing.