FFS Mil has just announced she is coming for Christmas again next year!

[barkinginessex]

I'm at the end of my tether today. Mil has just invited herself here again for Christmas next year and I want to cry.
She lives an hour away and stayed with us for all of Christmas and new year, she leaves soon and I can't wait to get my house back.
She's loud, pushy and stuck in her ways and I don't think I can cope with another Christmas like this one. It's been really boring and she's messy so the house is a tip. She's not lifted a finger since she got here. She disapproves of me cleaning and tidying and says I should chill out!
DP has said nothing but would I be unreasonable to say she's not coming again for Christmas and if she does then I won't be here to deal with any of it?

Um, you're spending Xmas doing everything for everyone and blaming it on your MIL (who apparently doesn't even want you to do it). You do realise next year it will be the same just with one less person? Get your DH to pull his finger out.

You have a dh rblem not a mil problem.
Mine tried this, but it was soon stopped as I told dh he'd be doing all the work. even if it meant turning down work himself.
he soon realised his mum, his problem.
when she tries to tell us what is happening now, I look at dh and he soon steps in.

Good god...anyone mentioning next xmas to me at this time of year would have a foot up their ass tbh

Be much more structured next year. Tell MiL she is invited Christmas Day and Boxing Day. Your DPs have further to travel so will stay longer. You will be going out to a friends for NY. No discussion.

Your New Year resolution is to learn to say no.

I wouldn't go into any long explanations or descriptions - just keep things simple and factual, and repeat several times if necessary. "No, we won't be hosting Christmas next year", said politely, is quite sufficient. If there is any protest or argument, simply add "We don't want the same arrangements every year" and thereafter refuse to be drawn into discussion of alternatives.

Not sure of plans just yet, we have just finished this Christmas. Might be going away for a change over the festive period or have a quiet Christmas just DP/barking, and the kids.

What BetterSaul said. If your dh doesn't back you up, then say (at the time, straight away, in front of mil) "No, we have not discussed anything yet." with a very meaningful look at dh.

And as soon as she's gone, give him a kick up the arse and make him at least help you clean up to your satisfaction, not his.

Then he can cook.

And make you a nice cup of tea.

With biscuits.

You shouldn't have to justify or explain. How old is mil. Can she not host?

You had a guest staying for 2 weeks who only lives an hour's drive away People commute more than that on a daily basi, no one needs to stay that long when they live so close.

I think you would be within your rights to say it is far too early to think about next Christmas now and we are not sure whether we will be at home so cannot commit to a houseguest at this time. Invite her for Christmas Dinner if she would otherwise be alone but tell her there is no room at the inn as your parents will be staying nearer the time so she will need to go back on Christmas evening. Bad precedent to set that she comes to you every year from now on.

We just said we're having Xmas to ourselves this year,and did. Maybe my hosting skills are a bit shit, coz no one invited themselves round. Someone did ask if we wanted to pop round theirs (asked us both separately) - we both said no thanks.
"No, we won't be hosting this year". Then you shut up. That's the hard bit for chatty types like me.

I missed the part where she only lives an hour away. Christ, I drive an hour-90 minutes each way for work on a daily basis!

I get that it's nice to stay over so that you can drink and see the DC doing present opening in the morning etc. But wouldn't Christmas Eve to the 27th be a better solution? How on earth does she justify staying so long?

Is your DH an only child?

Two weeks when she lives an hour away?! She's a fucking chancer.

Time to get assertive or this will be your fate every year from now till kingdom come.

What Better said.

At first I agreed with the 'too early' ideas, but it's actually not too early, it's a really good time to say 'we are not hosting'. You could also add 'we may go away' just to get that option on the table.

When our holiday with the inlaws collapsed in ruins last August I took the decision to say we wouldn't come again next year. So far we have said it emphatically in three separate face to face conversations and they are still saying 'well see how you feel at the time'. If people don't want to hear what you are saying you need to keep the message simple, unambiguous and repetitive

I also agree with BETTER

Keep it simple OP, you don't need to tell her a story, but you do need to tell her now.
Believe me, you'll feel great relief, when you have.
You can do this OP, you deserve a break next year. 😀

.

Thanks everyone for the replies, I'm expecting a big row about it with DP when DSS has gone to bed as he'll say I'm overreacting and being mean.

How much of the Christmas prep and running about has he done?

Why row? Simple - I'm not hosting next year - I'm lot running round after guests - what you arrange will be on your shoulders - easy

If you think it's going to be a big row tonight, why don't you leave it for a few days until you're feeling calmer? Then tell DP that you didn't enjoy Christmas this year because of the work you put into hosting, what could be different next year? You'll feel better able to have a discussion once your house is sorted and back to normal.

Tell him she can come if he does all the Christmas prep, including food and making of endless drinks.

Or you could say you'll host for 2 days, not 2 weeks and he will do the lion's share of looking after her.

Or you could plan to go to you parents' and leave the miserable bugger with his mother over Christmas.

Haven't RTFT but get your DH to say no. If he won't then you do it. I had this conversation with my parents regarding this Christmas, while it wasn't present it had to be done. His and / or your parents don't have a god given right to see you at Christmas!