Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday/Christmas upset

211 replies

holidayponderings · 26/12/2016 22:43

A few months ago dh fell out with his parents who were visiting our home...as mil was yelling at him about not liking our house rules, i intervened and said you need to abide by them or leave - so she called to fil and they both left. We have been clear they cannot visit our home any longer but we will meet somewhere in our town so they can see the dc eg softplay, park, cafe they can choose.
Since then things have been very strained but i have taken the dc to their house an hours drive away to see them for an afternoon.
We have had limited phone contact....mostly fil and myself.....mil has been ignoring calls and yelling at dh when she has answered.
Obviously christmas is here, we also have a dc birthday.
We invited them to dc1 christmas concert which they attended.....dc gave xmas gifts and cards etc....they said they had left theirs at home 😕.
We got a text asking what day we were visiting for xmas and dh phoned back to say we have a new baby we will not be visiting anyone at present...but we were happy for them to meet with the dc. They said they'd come to our home, we said no but would facilitate a meeting in our town....they said no. We said fine.
We then received a text saying seen your nieces today and have a big bag of birthday and xmas gifts to pass onto you.....what day can you come to our home to collect them 😯. ( we havent told anyone whats happened so as not to involve the family etc)
I'm so upset.....i've tried to keep the peace for months and now my pil have a bag of gifts for my dc that i cannot get. Its my dc birthday and not only has she not got a gift from her gp, but her aunties gifts are now being kept from her.....i've had my baby 2 weeks...i cannot get on the car and drive an hour to pick them up and they bloody well know it!
(I have 5 dc its hard work and dh and i just need to be home with the kiddies right now).
Aibu....what can i say to make them understand or am i flogging a dead donkey?

OP posts:
LillyLollyLandy · 26/12/2016 22:46

What are the house rules they wouldn't follow? Is it worth giving them another chance?

DollyPlastic · 26/12/2016 22:49

Are you intending to keep this feud going for ever then?

What 'house rules' would they not 'abide' by?

amy85 · 26/12/2016 22:52

Send your oh (and maybe an older child or 2) to go collect the presents.

You have decided that they are not allowed in your house so they can't bring them to you so you obviously will have to go get them

YouTheCat · 26/12/2016 22:53

Depends what the house rule they broke was really.

GreenTureen · 26/12/2016 22:53

YABU.

Don't have them in your house, fine - but in this instance, they've had a bag of gifts dumped with them and they're letting you know they're there to collect - either go get them or don't, your choice.

They're probably tired of being forced to meet in random cafes and soft play and I don't blame them.

pictish · 26/12/2016 22:56

What rule would they not abide by? This detail is pivotal.

Figure17a · 26/12/2016 22:56

Yes, what was the house rule?

TBH I doubt I'd ever see my parents again if I banned them from my house and I don't think I'd be putting myself out for anyone who'd banned me from theirs.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 26/12/2016 22:57

Why can't your DH go and get the presents? With or without older children.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 26/12/2016 22:57

The gifts aren't being kept from her. You're choosing not to get them Hmm

FrancisCrawford · 26/12/2016 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 26/12/2016 23:00

but her aunties gifts are now being kept from her

Confused only by you though.

Without knowing what rules they broke it's hard to say WIBU but from your op you and your DH are I'm afraid.

LagunaBubbles · 26/12/2016 23:00

Not allowing them in your house seems a bit drastic to me, what "house rule" did they break? Something silly like refusing to take their shoes off?

fourandnomore · 26/12/2016 23:02

If you really can't come to a compromise could you suggest they courier them? Even large amounts of stuff costs very little these days and you could offer to cover the cost and even organise it if they'll measure the box for you, sorry it sounds like you're having a tough time with a lot going on and could do without extra upset.

redshoeblueshoe · 26/12/2016 23:02

Come on - what house rules have they broken ?
soft play really is the worst place in the world

greenfolder · 26/12/2016 23:02

I can only assume your dh cannot drive pr get there by public transport. Well its a rule you created. I assume it was for a valid reason. Presents will just have to wait in that case.

RedBullBlood · 26/12/2016 23:03

You won't visit them, you won't allow them to visit you. Yet you want their gifts for your dc?

Without any background this just makes you sound difficult.

cbigs · 26/12/2016 23:03
Confused
RJnomore1 · 26/12/2016 23:04

The only thing I can think of that would warrant banning from your home would be smoking inside?

Bluntness100 · 26/12/2016 23:05

I also don't see how the gifts are being kept from her. You didn't want extended family to know so they could not refuse to take them and your refusing to let them come to your home, so what do you want them to do, post them?

One of you go and get them. If your child doesn't get her presents only you are to blame there. As you refuse to collect and you refuse to let them deliver.

I'd have to also agree with the other posters, what was the house rule they broke? You're punishing them very heavily but not giving context as to what rule they broke that is causing this.

pictish · 26/12/2016 23:05

That's what I was guessing too - smoking?

longdiling · 26/12/2016 23:05

How are they supposed to get them to you if they can't come to your house? Have they refused anything other than you collecting or has the conversation gone no further than 'we have a bag of gifts..'? As in, have you asked them to post and they've refused?

BusyBeez99 · 26/12/2016 23:05

OP what rules did they break and not then adhere to? Intrigued. Unless it's smoking or drugs I can't think of anything else

Bluntness100 · 26/12/2016 23:06

That's what I was guessing too - smoking?

babychamcherryb · 26/12/2016 23:08

Refused to take their shoes off?

Glitterywillows · 26/12/2016 23:08

they must have done something pretty terrible to be banned from the house.