Birthday/Christmas upset

[holidayponderings]

A few months ago dh fell out with his parents who were visiting our home...as mil was yelling at him about not liking our house rules, i intervened and said you need to abide by them or leave - so she called to fil and they both left. We have been clear they cannot visit our home any longer but we will meet somewhere in our town so they can see the dc eg softplay, park, cafe they can choose.
Since then things have been very strained but i have taken the dc to their house an hours drive away to see them for an afternoon.
We have had limited phone contact....mostly fil and myself.....mil has been ignoring calls and yelling at dh when she has answered.
Obviously christmas is here, we also have a dc birthday.
We invited them to dc1 christmas concert which they attended.....dc gave xmas gifts and cards etc....they said they had left theirs at home 😕.
We got a text asking what day we were visiting for xmas and dh phoned back to say we have a new baby we will not be visiting anyone at present...but we were happy for them to meet with the dc. They said they'd come to our home, we said no but would facilitate a meeting in our town....they said no. We said fine.
We then received a text saying seen your nieces today and have a big bag of birthday and xmas gifts to pass onto you.....what day can you come to our home to collect them 😯. ( we havent told anyone whats happened so as not to involve the family etc)
I'm so upset.....i've tried to keep the peace for months and now my pil have a bag of gifts for my dc that i cannot get. Its my dc birthday and not only has she not got a gift from her gp, but her aunties gifts are now being kept from her.....i've had my baby 2 weeks...i cannot get on the car and drive an hour to pick them up and they bloody well know it!
(I have 5 dc its hard work and dh and i just need to be home with the kiddies right now).
Aibu....what can i say to make them understand or am i flogging a dead donkey?

YABU OP. Not only is demanding that your inlaws do not speak to your neighbours unreasonable (and how can it be a house rule if she's managed to break it before even getting in to the house?!) but it's not clear why your DH can't get the gifts.

How did it all get to this stage? It seems such a spurious reason to cut your inlaws off over.

You banned them from your house because your MIL had a chat with someone you don't speak to?

Really?

You, OP, are a control freak.

Or possibly a PBP who likes to start threads about being so unreasonable it's questionable.

You and your DH need some serious help. You both sound fucking unhinged to be quite honest.

You are going to end up sad and angry people.

So in a nut shell you fell out because mil speak to your neighbours?

And now your kids have to miss out on their nan and grandad just because they chat to your neighbour.

You do sound very highly strung OP and irrational if I'm honest.

And yes I think you would benefit from talking therapy .

Hang on, 4 adopted DCs? Is that even allowed?

You both sound fucking unhinged to be quite honest. You are going to end up sad and angry people

Yep, that pretty much covers it.

From what i get out of the op is - mil stands gossiping to neighbour maybe about op her home/children/work business whatever, and op has said we don speak to them dont no them well so could you tell them so many details about everyone. And mil has refused. Correcr me if im wrong but its whaf makes sense. Im sure the op wasnt dictating who her mil can talk to in general

Blimey . Yabu.. Totally batshit... Poor PILs

it sounds like you are looking for excuses to fall out with people

My mum has talked to people who I have fallen out with, her relationship/friendship with them is none of my business

OP get over yourself, stop being a controlling dick and let them come and see your dc like a grown up

What a shame for the kids

So your house rule is Don't speak to the neighbours ?
Blimey that's a new one on me

Wow, just wow.

It's the kids - who you said adore their grandparents - that I feel sorry for.

Just get off your high horse and invite them round you numpty.

Spelling gramma the lot. Apologies

You sound loopy. YABU

Gosh. It's all a bit silly, isn't it? You've fallen out over something so incredibly trivial and now you're grumbling about not getting presents on time.
Relax, let them visit, let them natter to your neighbours while they miss out on the first round of cups of tea, let the kids go outside and join them. It sounds as if you're far too formal about these visits.

This is slightly mad op. It sounded at the beginning as if you had had some horrendous falling out over something terribly serious! Why not try to respond to your mil with humour "Come on granny...we're all excited to see you!" It's hardly a hanging offence! I don't blame them for not wanting to meet you in town or wherever. That's insulting given the circumstances.

Yep, you all sound a bit bonkers!!!!

Why can't your DH go to get the presents? No-one's withholding the presents bar you. Your mil is vu for anouting at you and yakking to the neighbour for twenty minutes, that's frankly weird, but yabu and you know it.

Wow. You've banned them from your home because they spoke to the neighbours you don't speak to You're really into tolerance, then.

Anyone else think we will soon be drip fed some more information ?

Booshbeesh

Jesus, your expectations of other people's behaviour is bizarre.

Yes octopus...we have 4 adopted siblings of course its allowed! Where do you think these children go when they need adoption?!
Anyways....due to disabilities its not as easy as oh run outside dc to see nan, no dc has to wait indoors looking longingly from the window getting more and more upset - of all people family should understand that, its forgotten everytime and on this occasion dh saw red. A quick hello how are you...20 minutes while dc sobbed - not fair!