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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday/Christmas upset

211 replies

holidayponderings · 26/12/2016 22:43

A few months ago dh fell out with his parents who were visiting our home...as mil was yelling at him about not liking our house rules, i intervened and said you need to abide by them or leave - so she called to fil and they both left. We have been clear they cannot visit our home any longer but we will meet somewhere in our town so they can see the dc eg softplay, park, cafe they can choose.
Since then things have been very strained but i have taken the dc to their house an hours drive away to see them for an afternoon.
We have had limited phone contact....mostly fil and myself.....mil has been ignoring calls and yelling at dh when she has answered.
Obviously christmas is here, we also have a dc birthday.
We invited them to dc1 christmas concert which they attended.....dc gave xmas gifts and cards etc....they said they had left theirs at home 😕.
We got a text asking what day we were visiting for xmas and dh phoned back to say we have a new baby we will not be visiting anyone at present...but we were happy for them to meet with the dc. They said they'd come to our home, we said no but would facilitate a meeting in our town....they said no. We said fine.
We then received a text saying seen your nieces today and have a big bag of birthday and xmas gifts to pass onto you.....what day can you come to our home to collect them 😯. ( we havent told anyone whats happened so as not to involve the family etc)
I'm so upset.....i've tried to keep the peace for months and now my pil have a bag of gifts for my dc that i cannot get. Its my dc birthday and not only has she not got a gift from her gp, but her aunties gifts are now being kept from her.....i've had my baby 2 weeks...i cannot get on the car and drive an hour to pick them up and they bloody well know it!
(I have 5 dc its hard work and dh and i just need to be home with the kiddies right now).
Aibu....what can i say to make them understand or am i flogging a dead donkey?

OP posts:
thatdearoctopus · 26/12/2016 23:22

Oh, and quelle surprise, you have neighbours you don't talk to either!

nuttyknitter · 26/12/2016 23:22

Not talking to the neighbours? Seriously?!

PaulAnkaTheDog · 26/12/2016 23:23

Why do you and your husband get to dictate who your mil talks to? Bonkers. Utterly bonkers.

kawla · 26/12/2016 23:23

Op get a grip, yes she might have been a tiny bit inappropriate by making the kids wait for her while she chats with the neighbours but like she said she's a fully grown woman.
YABU

ChasedByBees · 26/12/2016 23:23

That sounds like a row but not reason enough to forever ban someone from your home.

monkeywithacowface · 26/12/2016 23:23

You sound a bit bonkers to be honest

thatdearoctopus · 26/12/2016 23:23

And I'm afraid your update doesn't paint you in a better light at all.

RedBullBlood · 26/12/2016 23:23

Yep, it's you. Weird.

Oldbutstillgotit · 26/12/2016 23:24

Is this real ? Not talking to neighbours is a house rule ? I have heard it all now ....

ilovesooty · 26/12/2016 23:24

You all sound about six. Surely life's too short for this crap?

NerrSnerr · 26/12/2016 23:24

Sorry, I think YABU. You can't decide who she talks to. You'll really go NC over that?

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 26/12/2016 23:24

She started screaming saying the bible says love your neighbour.......at that point i said you cant yell in our home, she said you cant tell me what to do, i said its our home, if you dont like it then you can leave....so they did.

It all sounds a bit odd. Xmas Confused

Are they friends with your neighbours? What are they chatting to your neighbours about?

Why don't you talk to your neighbours?

Waltermittythesequel · 26/12/2016 23:24

I'm with MIL on this, tbh.

insan1tyscartching · 26/12/2016 23:25

Crazy Hmm you don't get to dictate who another adult talks to because well,they are an adult. The problem is all your own making so either go collect the gifts or gt off your high horse, apologise and ask the in laws to bring them to you. Why can't you travel an hour anyway?

EllenGriswald · 26/12/2016 23:25

Surely your ILs can talk to who they like? There's no harm in pulling up and having a goss/ passing the time of day with the neighbours. It's friendly.
Would you rather they scuttled inside with blankets over their heads?
Odd.

Figure17a · 26/12/2016 23:25

Oh dear, you have neighbours you don't talk to and are heading the same way with ILs. Can you see a common link?

Chatting with the neighbours on the way in seems like good manners to me and not unreasonable to ask dc to wait while adults have a conversation, or Shock dc could go out and chat too, unless disabilities prevent that. Either way, insisting that they rush in, ignoring neighbours seems very rude.

Screaming in your house isn't on but it does sound like they were provoked!

ilovesooty · 26/12/2016 23:26

Having said that if I were in your pil position I wouldn't be accommodating your strange and controlling behaviour.

longdiling · 26/12/2016 23:27

You haven't really been jumping through mil hoops if you've driven them to the in laws once on 6 months. I also don't really get the neighbours thing, was there really no way of distracting the children, keeping them busy elsewhere while mil chats? I do think you were right to ask her to keep her voice down though. No need for shouting. Banishing her from the house forever does seems very harsh though.

You clearly don't want a relationship with her, if she's so awful why do you want the kids to keep a relationship going?

pictish · 26/12/2016 23:27

I see. Your house rule seems quite bonkers it must be said.

YouTheCat · 26/12/2016 23:28

I think you need some counselling.

If they'd disregarded about smoking in your house or got blind drunk, then maybe it'd be understandable but talking to your neighbour? Weird.

Blacksox · 26/12/2016 23:28

You sound bonkers.

Have you really fallen out with your children's grandparents over the fact they stopped to chat to neighbours?

Craziness.

YouOKHun · 26/12/2016 23:28

Sorry OP, you sound like hard work. Are you looking (and I mean really searching) for a reason to go NC? Because your problem over talking to the neighbour sounds a ridiculous reason for a major rift, unless of course you've been spoiling for a fight because you just don't like them?

Scrumptiousbears · 26/12/2016 23:29

Petty OP. You're controlling. I've seen this before. My sister and BIL love to banish people from their home and/or lives.

Lovecat · 26/12/2016 23:29

Oh dear God, your children were crying for their GM while she had a chat outside?

Seriously?

I'm just wondering how/why/what was said that your children got themselves in such a state because their GM didn't immediately come inside - I doubt my DD would give a stuff - that or she'd go outside to speak to her GPs rather than sit inside crying.

Are your neighbours that scary you don't allow your children outside?

Based on your posts to date you seem to be making huge mountains out of very, very small molehills, OP.

NoMudNoLotus · 26/12/2016 23:29

My parents have always always chatted with the neighbours ( and we live in a little courtyard so there is 5/6 of them.

Yes it has irritated me slightly at times the length of time they've chatted and Iv sometimes been a bit anxious about whether they've given away any details of our life ( I'm very private ) but never would I dream of behaving like you op !

Honestly that's awful !

Where are your priorities ? Have you heard of live and let live ?

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