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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mil called ds autistic

108 replies

RhiannonnDontGo · 26/12/2016 22:19

NC for this. Ds 21 months likes to stack things up, organise things, tins, tubs etc. He was doing this at mil's today and she suddenly said "I think he is autistic". I found this a really strange thing to say and was upset/angry at the time. He doesn't particularly like hugs and kissed and I think she feels she needs to rationalise this by labelling him (when really he just doesn't like cuddling someone who stinks of an old ash tray!) should I have said something?

OP posts:

KnitsBakesAndReads · 26/12/2016 22:22

I think it's strange too. If she is knowledgeable about autism and was genuinely concerned then she could have spoken to you privately about it rather than saying it just out of the blue in front of your DS.

Namechangebitch · 26/12/2016 22:26

Ignore it.
Smile and wave.
My DS was an organiser, everything in order cars, trains, animals.
Lots of people say stupid shit.
Ignore it.

Original poster

RhiannonnDontGo · 26/12/2016 22:26

Yeah that's what I felt, it wasn't like she said it out of any real concern, just loudly announced it to me and dh in front of dsc. it's something that has crossed my mind before but this has made me worry even more now.

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sj257 · 26/12/2016 22:26

Ahh someone made a comment about my son lining cars up in long lines when he had just turned two. It worried me as I was also worried about his speech and how he wasn't very sociable! He is nearly 9 now, he isn't autistic....

Give your MIL some info on schemas!

Dilligufdarling · 26/12/2016 22:27

What was her tone when she said it?
TBH if the tone was not angry/nasty then I'd not be too concerned about a21 month old over hearing - he'd not understand at all.
Maybe she was speaking out of concern? The traits that you describe would be ones that a "layman" might expect an autistic child to exhibit and so she could be speaking with good intentions.
I can understand why you'd be affronted though.

Original poster

RhiannonnDontGo · 26/12/2016 22:28

I have OCD and I am very aware of how me checking things and organising things probably affects him. She just said it in such a horrible way, and I really wanted to tell her to shut the fuck up, pick up my son and leave.

OP posts:

Iamthecatsmother · 26/12/2016 22:29

My DS is good at eye contact and is very good with cuddling, very affectionate. He is autistic. Take no notice, lots of toddlers have some autistic traits.

raffle · 26/12/2016 22:31

Suggesting he may be autistic isn't an insult

70ontheinside · 26/12/2016 22:33

Stacking, lining up and ordering are normal activities for a 21 month old.
Mention it to your GP/HV if you are concerned, but I wouldn't be worried!

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 26/12/2016 22:35

I can't understand why anyone would be "affronted". Having autism is not to do with being a bad person. The child has not been accused of anything. Concern would be a more normal reaction. If you feel insulted perhaps you need to examine your attitudes and beliefs.

GreatFuckability · 26/12/2016 22:35

I don't see what she did that was so wrong. If she has concerns, then she should be able to voice them. she isn't insulting you!

Helloitsme87 · 26/12/2016 22:38

A lot of autistic children have these traits, as do a lot of children who don't have autism. Speak to your GP/HV of you are concerned. Tell your MIl to stfu and stop labelling children

Pilgit · 26/12/2016 22:43

It depends on the way she said it. It doesn't have to be an insult as some people are and it could just be an observation. However only you will know the context and the intention behind it. My DD - now 7 played with cars by lining them up like they were in a traffic jam or car park. She still does this. It's perfectly normal behaviour at that age as a lot of small children like to organise things as a way of controlling their environment.

annoyedofnorwich · 26/12/2016 22:45

Look up schema theory. It's normal!

HecAteAllTheXmasPud · 26/12/2016 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuperFlyHigh · 26/12/2016 22:46

Ignore her! I'm sure I loved stacking up and organising at that age and I'm not autistic!

maldini · 26/12/2016 22:49

My son was a stacker / liner-upper, he is not autistic - it's part of a particular schema which lots of kids lean towards / use / have (not sure of right terminology) - my nan also says things like this, it's completely ridiculous but think it comes from (a lot of) their generation's ignorance of such things!

BarbarianMum · 26/12/2016 22:49

Being autistic isn't an insult but it does generally have profound implications for the life of the child in question, and for that of their family. That being the case I don't think throwing armchair diagnoses into general conversation is a kind or sensible thing to do.

DontSweatTheSmallStuff · 26/12/2016 22:53

If she does it again put her on the spot and say "and what if he is?"

outputgap · 26/12/2016 22:54

If we swapped 'autistic' for, say, 'hypermobile', would the tone of this thread be the same? Would you all be worried about "labelling" a child who was falling over a lot? Would it be an insult to suggest a child with fine motor problems might need to be checked for hypermobility?

Original poster

RhiannonnDontGo · 26/12/2016 22:54

It's not an insult but you don't just announce that you think a child is autistic and worry somebody for no real reason! Of course I hope he doesn't have autism, I would never worry another parent like that unless I definitely thought there were signs. And I would do it tactfully and sensitively!

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FurryLittleTwerp · 26/12/2016 22:55

This is normal at this age.

Yes he might be autistic, but it is far too early to tell & this normal "OCD" behaviour is not a pointer.

user1477282676 · 26/12/2016 22:55

YANBU. Loads of toddlers like stacking things and lining them up too.

If he's not shown any other signs, I would completely forget what she said.

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2016 22:56

it's something that has crossed my mind before but this has made me worry even more now.

Well then why didn't you say something?

Obviously I'm not saying you should have or you shouldn't have (either is completely up to you), but I don't get why you've taken against her for mentioning something that had crossed your mind too?

Original poster

RhiannonnDontGo · 26/12/2016 22:57

She just suddenly went "he's always lining things up. I think he autistic."

She has said other things like this and I am convinced she is one of the reasons for my pnd.

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