Mil called ds autistic

[RhiannonnDontGo]

NC for this. Ds 21 months likes to stack things up, organise things, tins, tubs etc. He was doing this at mil's today and she suddenly said "I think he is autistic". I found this a really strange thing to say and was upset/angry at the time. He doesn't particularly like hugs and kissed and I think she feels she needs to rationalise this by labelling him (when really he just doesn't like cuddling someone who stinks of an old ash tray!) should I have said something?

[mummytime]

My DD hugs us to death but is Autistic, she also has great eye contact, and language (well unless you listen very carefully).

[Pixel]

Btw, I often think my DD may have ASD, but she is incredibly affectionate and absolutely loves cuddles!

Erm, I'm sure your dd is fine but loving cuddles is not a guarantee that your child is not autistic! My ds is very affectionate but he is still severely autistic.

[Grilledaubergines]

DS liked to put things in order, line things up, arrange things. He's a teen now and still does that. He's not autistic, he just likes tidy and organised. All very typical behaviour of many children.

Ignore her. She was thoughtless, insensitive and tactless.

[Gymnopedies]

Oh, forgot to say DS has always been very cuddly with me and his dad. He connects through touch much more than speech or eye contact.

[Gymnopedies]

Thank you mummytime, it's becoming a very interesting thread OP.
I think it can be a difficult subject to broach. I have said those exact same words to DH to be met with: "don't say that, it scares me" or "I don't want him labelled or treated differently by the teacher". I am finally booking an appointment with the GP as I think instead of labelling it will help DS to be better understood.
I would say that the markers for DS around 1-2 was a big speech regression/delay (he was calling me daddy when he could say mummy at 7 months) and meltdowns at any change in activity/clothing/overstimulation, etc...

[mummytime]

This one is kind of helpful http://www.amaze.org.au/girls-and-women-on-the-autism-spectrum/ or stuff by the Curly Haired girl or this from Tony Atwood http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/about-aspergers-m/girls-and-women-who-have-aspergers or a v n from the NAS http://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/gender.aspx.
Good luck - and don't let it get you down.

[RhiannonnDontGo]

mummy time that sounds interesting, any specific websites I should have a look at?

[mummytime]

But if someone has OCD, especially if their mother also has OCD; I would be tempted to suggest they read about ASD in women. Just in case it helps, I believe it has helped friends of mine to discover that their "problem" wasn't so much a problem as a different way of thinking (a neuro diversity).

[cheekybean]

You are the mum, trust your instincts. Everybody always knows better than you especially mothers!! My mother is always going on at me. Im sure my kids think granny is called 'thats not how its done now mum'

My dd liked to sleep with her head at a really unnatural angle. I kept moving it but she always moved it back, in the end i gave up. An interfering old lady told me i should be very concerned as it was obvious my daughter had brain damage!! Shes perfectly fine!

Incidently both my sons slept in this manner too.

[Thinkingblonde]

Someone said the same about my three year old grandson, he was at a birthday party in the week before Christmas, he didn't want to join in the fun at the soft play, refused to make eye contact and put his hands over his ears to block out the noise. One of the other mothers there said to my daughter "Autism! I'd get him checked for autism." My daughter was worried for ages over that remark. My gs did eventually join in the fun when one of the dads, a friend of my SIL, took an interest in some toy trains we had with us, he was asking what they were called etc. The dad whispered to gs "I hate Frozen parties too". Come and show me your trains.
GS is now six and is not autistic.
Your 21 month sounds to be ok to me, my granddaughter is 18 months old and builds towers with blocks, lined up her big brothers cars and also hates being held against her will.

[Trifleorbust]

Although it isn't an insult because there is nothing 'bad' about having autism, most parents would find it a source of grave concern if they thought their child did have autism, so those people criticising the OP for being upset are being a bit silly. However, the likelihood is that she was using it as a rather ignorant shorthand for 'organised' or 'a bit anal'.

[differentnameforthis]

So she was just voicing something that has crossed your mind. I don't understand what she did wrong!

He might be, he might not be. It's not the end of the world.

I don't think he has autism, but there are times it has crossed my mind for a fleeting second. I had fleeting moments of this when dd was younger. Didn't do anything except put it out of my head because she didn't do XYZ. Oh how I wish I had listened to myself. Now at 8, it is almost certain that she is autistic. Don't dismiss things out of hand, if you are worried, look into it.

Are you angry at your MIL for pointing out something that you are trying to overlook?

[GrandmaGotRunOverByAReindeer]

I wasn't offended ad I have 2 children with asd.
I understand, it's scary thinking about your child being autistic, it's rude for your mil to decide your child has special needs based on something completely normal.

[december10th]

yabu.surely a concerned gp can and probably should be able to express their concerns about their grandchildren

[sleepy16]

My middle son is autistic, I knew there was something going on when he was a baby.
One thing he never did was line things up.
My eldest dd who is now 8 used to line things up all the time and she is not on the asd spectrum.
And having asd doesn't mean they can not get As or do well in an educational setting!
However my 2 year old has just been referred to the asd clinic by my hv.
He was absolutely fine until 12 months, then lost all his words that he did have (mum,dad,nan).
Stropped clapping,waving.
He is very violent towards new people, does not play with toys appropriately for his age.
I wouldn't change my children, but it's bloody hard when you have a child who doesn't eat,drink, not go to school, doesn't go out.
Noise hurts,smells hurts,clothes hurt.
If I could take it away I would in a heartbeat.

[Bluebolt]

I find this difficult, I work providing the early birds course, many of the parents "knew" at 18 months if not earlier and many also were there due to other people's comments even strangers. Some have diagnosis and some have possible or symptoms of ASD but most find the course useful and an emotional support (even those who never get a diagnosis). But without parents seeking advice they will certainly not receive early intervention help due to waiting lists and resources.

[Zoflorabore]

I have a ds who has asc, he is very high functioning and is now 13 and doing brilliantly in school.
My youngest brother has two ds's, aged 3 and 4, severely autistic, i sensed it with the older one but not with the younger.

My other brother has a dd who is being tested now at 11. I have seen signs for years but never offered my opinion unless asked.
It's all too easy to diagnose children or even adults ourselves, I'm guilty of thinking things.
However, when my youngest brother found out his ds had autism he almost had a
Breakdown, I remember trying to be supportive and he wouldn't listen until I said " autism is not a death sentence "

He now has thrown himself into learning what his boys need, what helps them and said he wouldn't change a thing despite having such a restricted life outside work.

Sometimes it takes somebody else to notice or be concerned.
A lot of parents are in denial. My ds has been diagnosed over 5 years now and his dad ( my ex ) refuses to believe it despite being at the diagnosis meeting.

[Meeep]

I think you are being over sensitive.
It has crossed your mind. It crossed your Mil's mind too.
She mentioned it to you.
Where's the offence?

Was she using it as an insult? If so then yes that's bad.

[FourKidsNotCrazyYet]

Same with my son. He was always the one in the corner, not running about and being loud at all lining his cars up in colour or size order. Stacking things etc etc. His first school told me they were highly concerned. Turns out he's just very quiet, organised and methodical. He's currently studying Law at Uni and got all As in his highers

[JerryFerry]

Your mum sounds pretty toxic tbh. Can you reduce the amount of time you spend with her?

[BlackeyedSusan]

given the back story, yes I would be pissed off too. (one child with asd. one being assessed. )

[Itsallgoodimtold]

Too true RhodaBorrocks

[RhodaBorrocks]

RichardBucket has made a very good point. It's due to stigma that people don't like any kind of MH or neuro diverse conditions being speculated upon.

[Itsallgoodimtold]

Proud owner of a fantastic, beautiful son here! He is very clever but just doesn't understand that other people are also clever, as clever as him in their own way! He is well behaved and interested in other people but only on his own terms. He enjoys jokes, is imaginative (to a degree), more than happy to give a hug. He was non responsive when he was younger and I often felt lost, but not now, he is the best, he is healthy and I am proud to support him

[RichardBucket]

Okay, then replace the thread with "MIL called ds diabetic" and imagine the replies. They would be very different.