Mil called ds autistic

[RhiannonnDontGo]

NC for this. Ds 21 months likes to stack things up, organise things, tins, tubs etc. He was doing this at mil's today and she suddenly said "I think he is autistic". I found this a really strange thing to say and was upset/angry at the time. He doesn't particularly like hugs and kissed and I think she feels she needs to rationalise this by labelling him (when really he just doesn't like cuddling someone who stinks of an old ash tray!) should I have said something?

[sj257]

Has anybody said it's an insult? It's just a worrying thing for somebody to say to you about your child. A number of suggestions could worry someone unnecessarily, my mum used to go on about how my two might have asthma when they coughed at night time, that worried me too!

[WorraLiberty]

If she does it again put her on the spot and say "and what if he is?"

Why would the OP want to sound so defensive though?

[MistresssIggi]

Diagnosing a potential disability in your grandchild in a casual way is odd and unkind behaviour. Anyone who's once watched a documentary on this thinks they can diagnose autism.

[AgentProvocateur]

I think it's concerning that your OCD is impacting on him at such a young age, and I hope you're able to get support for it.

[DontSweatTheSmallStuff]

To try and find out her Mils true feeling towards him dc if he did turn out to be autistic

[WorraLiberty]

She didn't diagnose anything. She just said that's what she thinks.

The OP has admitted she thought it too.

OK, she could have picked a better moment and not blurted it out in front of others, but that doesn't make her public enemy number one.

[RhiannonnDontGo]

I don't think he has autism, but there are times it has crossed my mind for a fleeting second.
My cousins children are going to be tested soon and I think the way she said it so casually when they are so worried got my back up.

[Meloncoley2]

I find I blurt things out sometimes if there is something on my mind and I haven't found a way to raise it. It sounds as if it something she is concerned about, and hasn't been able to say it sensitively.
Does she have a lot of experience with child development?

[BertieBotts]

She's probably just read something in the newspaper and just has a bad case of verbal diarrhoea - spouting off whatever random shit comes into her brain without thinking about how it might come across.

It's totally normal for a 21 month old to line things up and to be repetitive in their play, it's called a schema. www.eureka.org.uk/schemas/

Are you getting support with your PND? Have you asked her to be more careful with her comments?

[sj257]

I don't think it's anything to do with the OP's OCD. Lots of children have schemas.

[RhiannonnDontGo]

Agent, I am on a high dosage of Prozac and am having regular psychology sessions.

[myoriginal3]

She probably genuinely feels that he is autistic and has kept her thoughts to herself until now.

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

My nan told me she thought my toddler DS was hyperactive. That pissed me off. He just has very high energy levels and is constantly on the go. We try and wear him out, we rarely succeed. He is fine and now he is older, she knows she was wrong. Oh and DS went through a stage of refusing to hug my nan (no ash tray stink there). No reason for it, he just wouldn't but we left him to it (don't believe in forcinga child) and he came around. Even now he doesnt hug many people, it's very much on his terms and he's pretty selective about it. All perfectly normal.

Ignore your MIL, I thought organising like that was a normal stage for toddlers. My DS loved lining up his cars, and still does at nearly 9. Doesn't worry me at all.

[maldini]

I doubt the op's OCD has anything to do with the fact her child is doing something completely expected of a lot of young children.

[DontSweatTheSmallStuff]

Oh ok drip feeding.

If it's already in the family that explains it abit more than just some random, nasty comment. Maybe she's just worried because she's seen some traits that could be due to autism or could equally due to his age. I'm paranoid about ds3 because ds1 is autistic and ds3 exhibits lots of traits that could just be normal toddler stuff or could be (as with ds1) clues that he autistic.

[RebelRogue]

So you are pissed off that she put into words something you " fleetingly " thought about and made you worry? It's also something she just "thinks", and i doubt she has a lot of knowledge about except the basics like stacking up,ordering,lack of contact .

[GreatFuckability]

she has contributed to your PND? in what way?? what has she said that has made you have post natal depression?

[AgentProvocateur]

Sj and Maldini - the OP stated earlier that she is "very aware of how her checking things and organising things probably affects him". That's why I mentioned it

Good luck with your psychology sessions OP. It's a debilitating illness. My friend is suffering badly at the moment.

[BertieBotts]

YY, maldini. This is not unusual behaviour in any way. It's not a sign of OCD, it's not likely to be related to copying OCD, it's not a sign of autism. Even if he did have any of these conditions (which are, remember, rare) you wouldn't be observing signs of them yet. Even if he does inherit OCD from you, it will be a genetic thing, and chance of passing on OCD seems much lower than other disorders such as ADHD or schizophrena. You can't "learn" OCD just by living with somebody who has it.

And, OP - if he does have OCD or autism or something else, you'll be uniquely placed to help him through that since you know what it's like. He is who he is. You can't "break" him. Just do your best. He will be fine.

[Notcontent]

I can understand you being upset. It's totally not her place to be saying something like that. It would only be ok if you were having a conversation where you were confiding in her that you were concerned about DS, etc.

Btw, I often think my DD may have ASD, but she is incredibly affectionate and absolutely loves cuddles! But some kids just don't.

[MrsBobDylan]

Do you think MIL really does worry that your ds has autism or do you think she was using it to hurt you? I think there's an important difference between the two intentions.

[RhiannonnDontGo]

My mum has OCD and I am so scared I have passed it on to my son. Thanks Agent, I have been on the medication for about 7 months now and it is helping, so are the psychology sessions.

Great she belittled my attempts at breastfeeding, made comments about what I chose to dress my son in all the time, and constantly reminded me how tires dh must be when I stay at home all day. She makes me feel guilty.

[Kr1stina]

I think you need to see a lot less of her, for your own sake.

[Namechangeemergency]

I would be pissed off is someone announced they thought one of my DCs was autistic because they stacked and lined things up.
Nothing to do with ASD being an insult.

The GM is not qualified to make that call and if she was concerned there are better ways of expressing it.

I would never say something like that and I have been involved in dxing children for years and I have a child with ASD!

FWIW my DS never lined anything up in his life. He didn't like Thomas the Tank Engine or wheels nor could he memorise bus timetables. He was very affectionate at that age and his eye contact was average.

I think MIL is the one using ASD as an insult rather than the OP think it is one. It sounds like shorthand for 'I don't think you are a good enough parent and you are making your child have SN'

OP don't fret. If you do have concerns there is no harm in talking to your HV. Don't do it because of MIL but don't let her comments stop you doing it either.

[Want2bSupermum]

Ordering things is one of many symptoms. Other symptoms that are more telling are complete meltdowns, arm flapping, a regression in development and issues with communicating such as eye contact and verbal abilities.

Ignore your MIL. If YOU have concerns about your DCs development speak to your GP and the father of your child.