To never come out as a Lesbian

[user1481835600]

I'm gay.

No one knows. I keep it to myself. I've been to gay bars but find masculine women so unattractive and have been completely unattracted to the stereotypical looking lesbian.
I'm very feminine myself.

My parents are strict Catholics and would never accept me. Same with my brother. I would worry the effect having two mums would have on my Son so I just leave it.

I've never been in love. At almost 30 I've never been in a relationship except with one man I knew there was absolutely no romantic feelings for but I dated as I wanted to believe I was straight. I have had crushes on some women and I fell in love with a woman at my old work place but never told her how I felt. She was lesbian and was quite flirty with me but I let her go without even letting her know I was gay.

I'm attracted to women. I have finally accepted and understood it. But I can never come out until my parents are gone. I can't do it to them. Plus, I just don't feel it's anyone's busines. As long as I can accept it within myself and understand that I am gay. It's not necessary for me to mention my sexuality or come out in any way. AIBU?

Hi OP

i've read your thread with interest as I am also gay. With hindsight I think I always was but due to the strict catholic upbringing and derogatory comments I suppressed it so much that I had no idea. I married young - my first 'proper' boyfriend - because my parents refused to visit and would not allow my siblings to visit me because we were 'living together'. I endured an unhappy emotionally abusive marriage for years, the only good points being my wonderful children.
It got to a point where I realised my children were being damaged by me keeping them in such a dysfunctional family and so I found my courage and left.
It was only then that I woke up to my sexuality. I did keep it hidden from my family and my children for a number of years and this is not healthy. I could not be open about even the random things I may have done over a weekend.
And then I met someone very special, an amazing woman and I am so lucky that she loves me and wants to be with me.
My children don't care, in fact they are so pleased that I am happy - it's a win win situation for them.
My parents and siblings also know but there is definitely a distance there (especially with my parents) and I know that my parents do not want any of my extended family to know. That makes me feel like I am their 'dirty secret' and so I am less and less willing to be part of their lives.
I guess what I am trying to say is that often your happiness, your being true to yourself comes at a cost. For me it's worth it but that may not be the case for you.

I would never suggest you hide it from your family OP but if you feel that would be better because of the type of people they are then fair enough. However, whats stopping you from looking for love? You don't have to introduce them to your child, just see how things go. Your focusing on pleasing everyone else, unfortunately not leaving any happiness for yourself xxx

I'd suggest you separate out these two things:

1. Telling parents and 'everyone'.
2. Allowing yourself to have a chance to find someone to love you and to love.

There's no reason to do '1' unless you want to, sounds like you don't.

There is every reason to do '2'.