AIBU to not want someone I don't know to look after my child?

[bookworm91]

MIL wants us to get an agency babysitter over a weekend away so we can all go to dinner one evening . No-one else seems to have a problem with this but me! DP thinks I am being unreasonable and that alot of people do this. We have never had someone i don't know look after DD before , She is 3 yrs old and has only been look after by family members or friends when needing a sitter . She also goes to nursery ( which i view as different ) who here has used an agency and do you have any issues with it?

You have to do what you feel comfortable with. If you don't want to leave her with an agency sitter, don't. Tell your DP to go to the meal and you'll stay at home. Don't feel pressured in to things.

A lot of people do do this. It's up to you though. It isn't unreasonable not to want to do it.

If your not comfy then can the rest not go for the meal while you stay with her?

Lots of people use the agencies and in that sense as long as you pick well it should be fine, but if your not comfy with it you won't relax and enjoy the meal anyway so it's pointless

Mil can be very pushy on these sorts of things, its either we all go or noone goes.... im basically being bullied into agreeing...

A lot of people do use baby sitting services and I have heard only good things and if me and dh didn't have plenty of family to babysit I would absolutely use the service.

Then no-one goes. That's up to them.

I use an agency but I have three children, the eldest is 12 and the youngest 7. I feel that they are old enough to let me know if there was an issue.

We get the same sitter most of the time and have only had one other lady, so the kids know them now.

If she goes to nursery have you tried approaching one of her carers?

Ours ran a thriving babysitting business after hours, parents got someone they knew and trusted, the usually young, low paid nursery nurses got a bit of a wage top up.

Then nobody goes. Don't let yourself be bullied into a situation your not comfy with

Me and dh have always used baby sitting agencies and with both our job commitments it's been fairy often. I am happy with the service and have no complaints. In fact my 8 month old & 9 year old I'll be staying with someone from the service tonight while we go out.

I don't view nursery as different TBH, I know nothing about the staff caring for my child other than there name yet I leave my child each morning in the nursery.

Approaching nursery staff would be a good idea , which i may go for if we are stuck for a sitter and at home however this is a weekend away which pil are footing the bill for. Hence massive sense of obligation to comply!

Don't let her bully you.

Obviously it is totally up to you, but I am interested to know why you view her going to nursery as different? Presumably they were strangers initially, and the agency babysitter, would be CRB checked, as the nursery staff are? Would your DD be upset by it?

MIL sounds awful - does DH back you up or does he do whatever she says?

You will, quite rightly, get a split vote on here about whether or not posters would leave their three year old with a sitter over a weekend. However, I am sure everyone would say you should do what is right for you. If you don't want a sitter then you don't go.

Let MIL tantrum - who gives a fuck? She isn't the boss of you.

I would never do this, of course yanbu.
Tell them all where to go.

I am assuming you are a fully grown adult, so why would you let anyone bully you into anything, especially when it's something you are uncomfortable with. Just say no and that's that. It's actually very easy.

Missed that it was an entire weekend!

No way!

You MIL doesn't get to make these decisions for you just because they're paying for the holiday. Doing nice things for your family doesn't mean the family is indebted. It's a gift. The only thing you owe her is a thank you and if she's decent she wouldn't expect anything else.

Mrs Ryan gosling, you don't sound like you have a lot of life experience. Many adults get bullied.

BToperator with nurseries they are monitored far more closely then agency staff, there is more then one staff meaning if something is amiss you can always count on someone to report it. I get major paranoia about these thing , probably because i read the dailyFAIL to much lol .

What about if you settled her first so she was asleep?

Dont do anything you dont feel comfortable with.
However we have used sitters.co.uk on a number of occasions and they have been lovely - you do get to see their qualifications and experience. If you wanted to try it then it might be worth calling them. (I dont work for them BTW!). Is the meal close by? Would you be leaving after your child was asleep? If it was a short walk away I might try it on the proviso that I could leave if the babysitter contacted me (and having left clear instructions with the babysitter that you'd want to be contact if your child woke and was at all upset - make it clear it wouldnt be any trouble to come back and obviously they would get paid for the full time booked regardless of whether they are there for 30 minutes or 3 hours.
Totally your decision though - I get why you'd worry.

she is an awful sleeper and if she woke and we weren't their i can imagine her being so confused and upset... i think i am gunna insist on staying home, but let it be known that this shouldn't stop everyone else going out !

Don't let them know that - it's not your responsibility to make them go. You are responsible for you and for your DD, no one else. I would just say "thanks for the invite. I'll be staying with DD. Have fun" and leave it there.