AIBU to not want someone I don't know to look after my child?

[bookworm91]

MIL wants us to get an agency babysitter over a weekend away so we can all go to dinner one evening . No-one else seems to have a problem with this but me! DP thinks I am being unreasonable and that alot of people do this. We have never had someone i don't know look after DD before , She is 3 yrs old and has only been look after by family members or friends when needing a sitter . She also goes to nursery ( which i view as different ) who here has used an agency and do you have any issues with it?

I wouldn't use a babysitting agency or anything like that either.

It's weird though, people risk assess in different ways. I allow my children to play out with friends where we live, which is mostly greeted with horror on mumsnet. Yet I didn't use babysitters or a nursery because I'm not comfortable with that. Whereas lots of people are horrified by playing out, but happy to use babysitters.

Tanith my references from sitters were well checked out.
However not all sitters are police checked when I joined I wasn't . When I got ofsted registered then I got police checked which was eight years after I joined. Sitters have never seen this certificate.

Why can't they eat a little earlier and you take DD with you? Is she not part of the family? I took both my children to restaurants from weeks old, they learnt how to behave in different environments, were never the children running around screaming and if they became tired were put down in their prams.

An evening is one thing, a weekend is another! Why Gould your child miss out on quality family time!!

Can you go for the weekend with your LO and find a local agency for the evening meal? Ultimately if you're uncomfortable with it then you shouldn't go.

You have to do what you are comfortable with and not let the MIL take over, you are the parent and it is your choice and responsibility, if her attitude is everyone has to go then she is showing her dominance and the person she is, good luck.

Can you pretend you've booked then get a last minute cancellation? Pack a large bar of chocolate and a girlie movie for yourself.

We use babysitrees but have three children, youngest 7, oldest has a phone. There are other situations where we go against the grain and just live with fact that we are protective parents and it is our choice even if it means we miss out. We are more protective of our first born and he is less likely comfortable with unknowns / new situations. Chicken / egg? But we deal with what we have and make decisions we are comfortable with.

OP don't pretend to be ok with it. It will potentially set a pathway to conforming, or pretending to conform, to your LIL's wishes.

This is not about your dh, he Mau or may not feel able to stand up to his mum. But you have no reason (except potentially slight embarrassment) not to stand up to her.

I would never leave mine - could she not go out with you?

I wouldn't do this either with a 3year old... Can't everyone go for pre theatre so your child can come too? My kids would feel left out if the whole family went for a meal without them!

I'd just say sorry MIL I am unwilling to leave my 3yo with a stranger. In your position, I'd attempt to get the 3yo to the dinner. You could take her for a drive earlier in the hope she might sleep a bit so she could stay up later happily.

I would not have left either of mine aged 3 with a stranger and my MIL would not have wanted me to either.

Are there other family members going with children that will be babysat at the same time, ie your DD would not be the only charge?

Nope yanbu. I've never used a babysitter I didn't know and never would. Just my preference. Nobody would bully me into it either! I would say either she picks somewhere DC can come along to or they'll have to go without you. Don't do anything you're uncomfortable with when it comes to your children just to please someone else. If she wants to get arsey about it that's her problem.

I wouldn't do it. Id either take her or stay whilst everyone else goes. Don't feel guilty or pressured into complying. Your child, your choice.

Audrey, I suppose it depends on the interviewer how thoroughly they check. Mine was more concerned with advising me that, if I wasn't comfortable with a booking, to walk away. They actually don't vet parents at all and she herself had turned up at a booking to find a lone man and no evidence of a child .

I do know of ex-childcare workers who have continued to babysit. They're never checked after that first interview.

I would never use one of these crb check or not trust your instinct

Why does everyone keep making out the mil is wanting the child not to come on the weekend away?! She's suggesting op get a babysitting for an evening meal out not the whole weekend. Anyway. Moving on.
I'm a nanny, and I babysit for agencies. I still think it should be your choice. You know your dd and how she'd be with new people. The agency I work for, met with me for an interview and extensively checked my dbs, and would not let me know their books without 3 written and verbal references first. I have 8 years experience in childcare, 4 and a half of those as a nanny. It does amaze me the amount of people who find me through recommendations on local fb groups and DON'T ask to meet me first. I could literally be anyone!! And they will put little 2 year old Johnny to bed and not let him meet me first. It's worrying! You are right to be over cautious but trust me, we are used to dealing with new kids and 3 is old enough to chat to and say what's happening.

Ultimately it's your decision, but at some point you will have to entrust your dearest to someone you don't know personally - at school, for instance.

I would be happy using the sitter but this is about your choice - if your choice is to not use the sitter, don't and tell your MIL and the gang to have fun - end of.

That's what we used to do as well!

Not rtft so sorry if it's been covered but have read op's comments and doesn't seem to have been... But is there a reason DD can't just come along for the meal? I'd not leave my 3 year old DD but I do take her most places for this reason as I'm a single parent and could never go anywhere otherwise.

OP I wouldn't have done this when my dd was 3. For all the reasons you set out. Just don't if you don't want to. She's 7 now and I have only just trusted her into kids club in the summer (and it was Scott Dunn who are amazing, if I'd know about them when she was 3 I would have gone on a holiday like that sooner, I'm a single mum)

They want you to leave your 3yo with someone from an agency for a weekend? Did i read that right?

Has any child ever come to harm while in the care of an agency babysitter? No? Thought not.

I understand your concerns and I don't think you should do it as you won't enjoy the evening anyway. However, I also really recommend Sitters.co.uk as I have only had positive experiences with them and the standard of care has been excellent. I also booked a sitter through a hotel when I was in Hawaii for my 3 year old so that I could go to my friend's hen do, but it was in the hotel so I went back upstairs to check on them a few times to reassure myself. What you could do is book them for an hour earlier than you are due to go out so you can spend time with her and see if she bonds with the child and then trust your instincts. Then if she is lovely and you feel confident you might feel fine about leaving for a few hours but if you don't you could pay them and send them home and cancel your plans at the last minute. Good luck though with whatever you decide.

Another who wouldn't.

I went to a show (long way from home) and was going to get a firm-babysitter, but I couldn't do it. Luckily I had a friend in the area and she baby sat (I got her a hotel room for the night). No-one you know would do it?