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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not want someone I don't know to look after my child?

195 replies

bookworm91 · 16/12/2016 13:42

MIL wants us to get an agency babysitter over a weekend away so we can all go to dinner one evening . No-one else seems to have a problem with this but me! DP thinks I am being unreasonable and that alot of people do this. We have never had someone i don't know look after DD before , She is 3 yrs old and has only been look after by family members or friends when needing a sitter . She also goes to nursery ( which i view as different ) who here has used an agency and do you have any issues with it?

OP posts:

diddl · 16/12/2016 14:14

"Then no-one goes. That's up to them."

Absolutely agree with this.

Mil doesn't get to decide who you do or don't leave your kids with.

How old are the other kids that will be left?

Is this weekend away a rare chance for everyone to have a meal out together?

VQ1970 · 16/12/2016 14:16

I'm not a parent but even I wouldn't leave a child with an unknown person for a whole weekend. I'd say fair enough if it was just for an evening out but your child is going to spend a lot of time with a stranger over a weekend and that's not fair on the child. For future reference though, my niece works in a nursery and she earns extra money by babysitting for the parents who use the nursery. As someone else has said, the children know her, the parents know her and she's been well vetted.

Laiste · 16/12/2016 14:18

No one should ever try and bully anyone into anything so your MIL has lost the 'who's being unreasonable' argument by default.

I wouldn't employ a stranger to look after any of my kids either OP. I would tell her i wasn't comfortable with the idea, and that i would stay home while everyone else went with my blessing. Let her bluster and blow this up into the size of a cow if she wants to. Not your problem.

Notonthestairs · 16/12/2016 14:19

Ah, you see I thought the babysitter was just an evening - not for the whole weekend in which case absolutely no.

eatsleephockeyrepeat · 16/12/2016 14:21

Nope, I wouldn't do this. And I'm not in the least bit sorry and I don't for a second care who wants to tell me it's unreasonable, MIL or otherwise.

Obviously I don't mind for a second anyone who would happily do this - it's not a judgement - just that I know myself, I know what I am and am not comfortable with and I have enough respect for myself not to choose to do something I would find worrying just because someone wants me to come to dinner. It's hardly the most pressing reason, is it!

Saying that I would probably see if there was an option I was comfortable with (someone I knew for example), what with going out together seeming so important to MIL and all...

BertrandRussell · 16/12/2016 14:21

Agency sitters are just as monitored as nursery staff. I think you are being a bit daft, frankly.

SmokyRobinson · 16/12/2016 14:23

As I understand it, it is for one evening during that weekend away...even so, I wouldn't be comfortable with it either. I like to know beforehand who will babysit my dcs, and see for myself how they get on.
Could you say you don't want a stranger babysitting, but are very happy to stay on your ow one evening and insist they all go out?

Original poster

bookworm91 · 16/12/2016 14:26

babysitter is just for one evening out of the whole weekend away... and yeh it will be a rare outing where we all eat a meal together... i know i am probs being unreasonable about it but the thought of someone i dont know with my child unsettles me!

OP posts:

BoomBoomsCousin · 16/12/2016 14:29

I've used agencies and have found some excellent babysitters through them. I always book for at least half an hour before we need to leave and am prepared to not go and cancel the whole thing if they don't seem to get along with my DC or I don't feel comfortable with them. But I've never had to.

FurryLittleTwerp · 16/12/2016 14:29

We used an unknown babysitter while away when DS was a toddler. He was too young for the posh restaurant meal - we asked at the hotel beforehand & they suggested the mum of one of the waitresses, who had helped out guests before.

She was a lovely granny-type lady & DS liked her immediately. We were eating in the same complex, which made it easier.

diddl · 16/12/2016 14:29

Tbh, if I was having a weekend away with my ILs, the knowledge of an evening without them would be the only thing that I would be looking forward to!

Mishegoss · 16/12/2016 14:30

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I think it's really odd to leave a young child with a total stranger. It must be frightening for them too I would imagine. At least with nursery you have a settling in process and there's other children around. My son would be really frightened to be left with a stranger and being away on holiday means it's a different environment too. No sorry it would be non negotiable for me. Stuff what the others do, if you don't feel comfortable don't do it.

stitchglitched · 16/12/2016 14:31

YANBU, I wouldn't leave my DC with a stranger either, however well checked they were. You are allowed to have your own boundaries when it comes to your kids, regardless of what other people think or what they would do.

eatsleephockeyrepeat · 16/12/2016 14:33

diddl

foxessocks · 16/12/2016 14:34

Nope I wouldn't do this and I wouldn't be bullied into it either. My child my decision. I'd rather go somewhere child friendly and take my children or not go at all in this situation.

Allatseainthemidlands · 16/12/2016 14:34

Does MIL know anyone local- a friend of hers or your DHs if it's close to where he grew up who could sit for you? We had this issue at a child free wedding a long way from home and ended up with an ex nanny of one of my DHs cousins who came to meet and play with DD while she was still awake and settle in a bit. But I do feel for you and honestly no point going out for dinner if you're going to spend the whole evening feeling anxious about your child

NickyEds · 16/12/2016 14:35

YANBU. I wouldn't leave my dc with an agency babysitter. Your MIL is out of line.

MrsJayy · 16/12/2016 14:36

This has to be something ypu are comfy with ask your family if they would like to wake up to somebody they do not know ? Your dd isnt the best sleeper she has not met the baby sitter you would not enjoy the meal out it sounds like a complete hassle if you are not onboard. Speak to your husband ask him why you need to relent

May50 · 16/12/2016 14:36

YANBU - I would feel the same (and say no - I know I worry too much but I put my hands up to that and that's just me). Go with what you feel - and you are obviously uncomfortable so you have your answer.

questioningitall · 16/12/2016 14:37

We used sitters.co.uk and they were always fab. At first I thought you meant a whole weekend in which case absolutely no way would I leave a 3 year old with an agency sitter. But if it's just one evening for a. It's to eat, and presuming you'll be nearby then sorry but yes I do think you're being a Bit U.

ParadiseCity · 16/12/2016 14:39

FWIW I've used one at center parcs so we could all have an adult meal in the naice restaurant- she was lovely and the children were fine.

VQ1970 · 16/12/2016 14:41

Sorry, I misunderstood and thought it was for the whole weekend! But in any case, it's whatever you feel comfortable with and MIL should not be allowed to bully you or basically blackmail you into going out.

Tantrictantrum · 16/12/2016 14:44

I wouldn't have for ds1. Now 4dcs in I would but I don't see why you should. They could get a takeaway

crispandcheesesandwichplease · 16/12/2016 14:44

Absolutely not. YADNU. You are responsible for your daughter, you are a parent, tough if other people find it inconvenient that you have a child and childcare responsibilities. Don't let them bully you OP. If you do cave in and go then you'll probably spend the whole time worrying about your daughter. And how would any child feel being left with a stranger for so long? She's very young, don't do it.

ChampagneSupernovaX · 16/12/2016 14:46

I would be the same OP
I would categorically never leave my child with someone that I don't know, rare family meal or not. Anything could happen in those few hours/evening and although I would 99% be absolutely fine, if anything did happen you'd blame yourself for the rest of your life and all for a meal (trying not to be too over the top but that's my thought process every time we try to get a sitter)
Stand your ground! :)

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