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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want someone I don't know to look after my child?

195 replies

bookworm91 · 16/12/2016 13:42

MIL wants us to get an agency babysitter over a weekend away so we can all go to dinner one evening . No-one else seems to have a problem with this but me! DP thinks I am being unreasonable and that alot of people do this. We have never had someone i don't know look after DD before , She is 3 yrs old and has only been look after by family members or friends when needing a sitter . She also goes to nursery ( which i view as different ) who here has used an agency and do you have any issues with it?

OP posts:
ImNotDancing · 16/12/2016 16:16

why don't you look for childcare by seeing who your friends use? Or other parents at the nursery? Word of mouth is how I get most of my babysitting work

everythingis · 16/12/2016 16:20

I wouldn't allow a stranger to look after my children yanbu!! Mine go to my friend or family members. I book a babysitter (known to me) before I book a night out - no one free we don't go.

allowlsthinkalot · 16/12/2016 16:28

I wouldn't do it and my oldest is nine. YANBU and don't let anyone talk you into it if you aren't comfortable.

I most definitely wouldn't leave a very young child with someone they have never met before.

eatsleephockeyrepeat · 16/12/2016 16:30

For me it's not whether or not a stranger is more or less likely to be an abuser than someone I know, it's that I feel someone who knows me (that I get on with, like and trust well enough to leave my child with) will likely have more respect and consideration for my feelings and wishes than someone who doesn't know me and perhaps "does this all the time".

Whilst both may be more or less competent, and agency babysitters may have their professional standards and futures at stake, my friends and family have personal reasons to want to care for my child well.

MammyNeedsASpaDay · 16/12/2016 16:32

No way I'd have a stranger looking after my kids. I wouldn't be going. DH got that from the off when we had the first one though and we would never be short of someone to have them with enough notice.

YANBU.

eatsleephockeyrepeat · 16/12/2016 16:33

Note: I'm not saying professional won't respect your feelings and wishes, just that I would feel more confident in placing that trust in someone emotionally connected to me than someone with no personal connection.

Absolutely no problem at all with placing that trust in a professional, but I can see why many would prefer the personal connection.

Bluntness100 · 16/12/2016 16:39

I agree with you and I wouldn't do it over night either, I don't understand why your daughter can't come on the weekend away. We went away for Xmas when my daughter was two and she stayed up with us and came to dinner also. She stayed up till we went to bed and had a great time, she was the only kid with us but she had a brilliant time being fussed over by everyone.

Genuinely I don't see why she should be excluded. She's part of the family.

diddl · 16/12/2016 16:59

I think the daughter is invited on the weekend away, just not the meal out.

FatOldBag · 16/12/2016 17:58

YANBU. We got invited to a family wedding a few hours away where children weren't invited but could be left with the teenage daughter of a friend of the groom's parents(!!) for the duration of the wedding. Not sure how many kids this one girl would be looking after, but I definitely wasn't going to leave my 2 little ones with someone I didn't know.

Oblomov16 · 16/12/2016 18:54

Do you have high anxiety issues OP? Generally?
You sound .... almost paranoid or unhinged about this.

GlitterGlue · 16/12/2016 19:01

No she doesn't.

Notonthestairs · 16/12/2016 19:04

Tanith - are their qualifications not checked when they are employed? I assumed CRB checked as well - is that not that case?

Summerlovin24 · 16/12/2016 19:08

I would never have done that. What if child wakes to only see a stranger and is anxious and upset. Wd rather stay home. Yanbu

OldmumofKent · 16/12/2016 19:09

What notinthestairs said. Also doesn't sound like mil is bullying. She just wants an evening out.

MrsMerchant · 16/12/2016 19:11

We are using one of the key workers to babysit. They are dbs checked and first aid trained etc. They get paid a pittance for what they do so they appreciate the extra cash.
Although in your situation I wouldn't want to go out and spend time with someone so self absorbed!

SparkleMotions · 16/12/2016 19:15

There's no way I would leave my Son for the evening with a complete stranger! Your MIL is the one being unreasonable by insisting you do so. don't let her bully you, stand your ground OP

Beedoo123 · 16/12/2016 19:21

I wouldn't leave my DC with someone I/they didn't know... they'd be really upset if they woke up to a stranger... YANBU OP!

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 16/12/2016 19:21

Op it doesnt matter ONE JOT what anyone else here or the whole of the entire world thinks.

Its your child - you do as you feel.

Do not let Mil bully you - as hard as it is, you have some great advice here on what to say - bright and breezy.....no explanations, just I wont be joining thanks - ( that is - if you have exhausted options you are happy with like nursery staff etc) .

Just say no. I would never forgive myself If forced into a decision I didn't want to make and something happened how on earth could you go on? If you were happy and chose it - fine but not wanting too but being bullied into it>?

netflixandsleep · 16/12/2016 19:28

I completely understand that lots of parents are absolutely fine with this but I would never allow my child to be looked after by somebody I didn't know.

Don't be pressured into something you're uncomfortable with. I'm all for 'picking your battles' when it comes to keeping the peace with in laws but there's no chance I'd do this.

Serialweightwatcher · 16/12/2016 19:28

Don't think I'd have been keen when mine were small - it would be scary for her to wake up and not know the person ........ do you have any friends with older teenage children you could trust to watch her for a couple of hours whilst out (supposing she knows the teenager of course)

MrsSheps · 16/12/2016 19:33

I don't think yabu, it's a very personal thing. I wouldn't agree to it, and if you don't feel comfortable to do it, then I think you should stand by that. You're Mum, so ultimately I think it's your decision. And if no one goes because of it, then that's MIL's problem, not yours!

JustDanceAddict · 16/12/2016 19:34

I don't see an issue either. I've done it on holiday too.

FurryGiraffe · 16/12/2016 19:36

I can't imagine leaving DS1 (3.5) with someone he doesn't know. He'd loathe it. Even if he was asleep before we went- he'd be terrified if he woke up to a stranger.

Perhaps some 3 year olds could cope with it but mine certainly couldn't.

Laiste · 16/12/2016 19:37

Isn't it funny. An OP starts a thread stating their feelings - nearly all of nearly 100 posters say they agree - and then one comes along and says ''you're unhinged OP''.

HmmGrin

(or was that the MIL?)

BitchQueen90 · 16/12/2016 19:39

I don't think YABU. I feel the same. My DS goes to nursery and I'm happy with that but it is a completely different environment - lots of other children and adults. I don't like the idea of someone I don't know in my home looking after DS. (He's 3.) I'm a single parent and I hardly ever go out, I'd rather miss out than get a babysitter as I just wouldn't be comfortable and I don't think DS would either.

This is just my personal feeling though. Plenty of other people use babysitters and that's fine, but if you don't want to then nobody should force you to.