Would you try someone else's wedding dress on?

[WinterIsHereJon]

I'm getting married next year. Bought my dress a couple of months ago, and it's been living at my mums house away from where DP could see it. I was talking to my gran last night, who accidentally let slip that when she last came to visit both my mum and my sister tried my dress on for fun. I'm really upset and angry; it's supposed to be special but sort of feels less so now somehow. My mum and I have now fallen out as it was "just a bit of fun". I can't believe they would think it was ok! AIBU or overreacting?

" It would feel less "new" to be now after two other bodies had been in it. "

Won't it have been tried on by lots of other people in the shop?

YANBU! I would feel exactly the same! I'm also getting married next year and this post horrified me!!

I wouldent try on someones dress but I would not care if someone tried on mine it is just a dress and no big deal you yourself make things what they are ie big deal or no big deal to me this is no big deal unless its damaged in some way

YANBU, OP. I am amazed that they did this, and it would definitely damage my relationship with them.

YANBU at all. I don't understand the responses that are telling you to get over it.
It just seems very odd. I don't understand why your mum or sister would do this? Have they done things like this before? It's a massive overstepping of boundaries and I would consider keeping a distance until you get a genuine apology from them.

Weirdly, something similar happened to one of my male relatives in law.

He was getting married and made the decision to have a suit made to measure by a tailor in his home country. Now this sort of thing has a lot of resonance in his culture; they have this old traditional cultural notion whereby you aren't really a "proper man" until you get married and your wedding suit is the first "proper" suit you have as an adult male. So it has lots of meaning and is highly symbolic.

So he has this suit made, and it is beautiful job. Of course, what happens? He leaves it at his parents the night before the wedding and comes home to catch his younger brother trying it on and taking selfies.

He went absolutely ballistic -- like "woke the entire neighbourhood with his shouting" ballistic. The lad took the suit off double quick and I believe my relative groom-to-be chased him out of the house when he was only wearing his underpants.

Now I'm not condoning chasing people out of a house when they are only in their underwear, but I do think it is worth recognising that clothing sometimes has extraordinary meaning for people, particularly when it is connected to life rituals or changes of some kind.

Sometimes a dress, a piece of jewelry, a shirt are more than just pieces of cloth or metal. They become symbolic and emblematic of an event or a time and place; they become almost sacred.

I mean, how many mns have kept a first pair of baby shoes? Or a cot blanket? Or their baby's little identity tag from the hospital? These things have power. To borrow Marie Kondo's terms, they are the things that "spark" something far deeper and more profound than just "joy".

And I think it is the sense that the "sacredness" of the op's wedding dress has been almost violated that's the reason why she feels something is now "less than". It's not just a dress for everyone to try on for a laugh; it's part of an extraordinary moment for her in her life. It has meaning on and above its pretty clothing potential.

What is doubly hurtful is that this extraordinary meaning was not recognised by either her mother or sister.

So YANBU, OP. I think what they did was unbelievably shitty.

YANBU you just don't do that, I don't care how innocent it is, you just don't do that!
Fucking disrespectful.

Excellently written Werkzallhourz x

How strange. Why would someone feel the need to do that without permission? I hope they haven't damaged the dress or stained it with make up/deodorant.

Very well put, Werk!

I agree, Werkzallhourz has summed it up perfectly. I would have been really upset if my mum and sister had done this.

What were they trying to prove?
So odd. Not on.

My sister came downstairs in mine on the morning of my wedding, I laughed my head off.

Yabu.. I'm sure they meant no harm in it. Unless they damaged it, what's the problem?

Jeez... some people are so damn precious!

I agree that items of clothing symbolise the importance of the day. I've made plenty of wedding dresses and they hold a lot of the emotional weight of the occasion! But a dress is a dress and part of the big picture is someone sneakily trying on the dress. I would take it on as part of the rite. You get to wear it on the day, wear it in its hour of glory!

YANBU. I would be really upset if someone did that to me. When I was 16, my dsis let slip that while I was away for a couple of days, my mum had put my favourite top on the dog . I was not happy to say the least and when I asked them about it, they thought it was funny. Hope you have a lovely wedding, Op.

Oh and my own dsis is getting married next year too and I would never think to try on her wedding dress, as that is personal to her and I would never be so disrespectful. In fact I don't think the thought of trying her dress on ever crossed my mind.

I dont see the problem but then a lot of people are precious about their weddings.

When I was 16, my dsis let slip that while I was away for a couple of days, my mum had put my favourite top on the dog

Why?

It is not being "precious" to object to other people trying on your special, once-in-a-lifetime dress without your permission. It is the presumption and selfishness in overriding, or simply not caring about, the owner's feelings that is the issue here.

Just to join the consensus - YANBU from here, too.

Werkzallhourz** expressed it perfectly, it's meaningful and personal. Most people wouldn't mess with other people's precious possessions, but there are a sad number who are either thoughtless or careless. I'm sorry it feels less special - but it's the magic combination of YOU and the dress which will make it perfect, so please don't let it spoil your happiness in the long term.

YANBU

I think it was because they thought it was funny, Voodoo and I guess it gave them a kick out of doing it as it was my favourite top but my mum hated it because it showed my stomach (I was really thin at 16) and she was probably jealous.

Also I hate it when people touch my books/magazines/newspapers before I've had a chance to read them. I was livid at work once when a co-worker went through my carrier bag to read my newspaper without asking. And in another job, I put my new book down on the table and went to the loo and came back to find someone else reading it. I know I sound precious about things like this but I have ASD and in the past people have mistreated/broken my things so maybe that has triggered it in some way.