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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you try someone else's wedding dress on?

213 replies

WinterIsHereJon · 16/12/2016 07:35

I'm getting married next year. Bought my dress a couple of months ago, and it's been living at my mums house away from where DP could see it. I was talking to my gran last night, who accidentally let slip that when she last came to visit both my mum and my sister tried my dress on for fun. I'm really upset and angry; it's supposed to be special but sort of feels less so now somehow. My mum and I have now fallen out as it was "just a bit of fun". I can't believe they would think it was ok! AIBU or overreacting?

OP posts:
CaraAspen · 16/12/2016 11:22

Definitely not being unreasonable. Why would they do such a horrible thing?

Pickanameanyoldname · 16/12/2016 11:24

I'd be fuming.

Bring it back to your house and fully inspect it for rips or tears, make up, or the smell of someone else's sweaty pits.

Maudlinmaud · 16/12/2016 11:24

I would never do that to someone! Horrid!

dingdongthewitchishere · 16/12/2016 11:32

YANBU at all.

I would be massively pissed off if any of my sisters tried any of my clothes without asking me.
I would be fuming and very disappointed if they had tried my wedding dress.

As above, it would be a shame to have a massive fall over with your family about a dress, but I would get the dress back, and put it in my spare room (in its cover, and covered again by a bed sheet. Your partner won't see anything). I understand that if you do not have a spare room, or if you have kids, it might be tricky.

You can deeply believe in the sacrament of marriage and still be pissed off about your wedding dress. Your mum and sister should know you well enough to realise it was unacceptable.

ginnybag · 16/12/2016 11:38

YANBU - I would be upset with anyone who thought it was okay to just go into my wardrobe and borrow any of my clothes without asking.

The fact that it's your wedding dress makes it that much worse. I would be upset, and saying so. At the very least they need to genuinely apologise.

WanderingNotLost · 16/12/2016 11:50

It's your once in a lifetime special dress, probably the most important and expensive thing you'll ever wear. It's not fucking rent-a-gown for anyone who fancies a quick go in it.

This!! I'd be so angry if someone did that to me.

PollytheDolly · 16/12/2016 12:20

What strange behaviour? I wouldn't dream of doing that. I'm getting married next year, my dress is currently being made. It's very special and has meaning to the day, esp for hubby to be, although he has no idea!

I'd lose my shit if that happened to me, so, no you're right to be pissed off. They should apologise....profusely!!

LightDrizzle · 16/12/2016 12:22

YANBU!!! I'd be very disappointed and hurt, the fact they did it together somehow makes it even worse, it was a "laugh" and neither considered your feelings. I can't put my finger on it but it seems a bit conspiratorially snide too, about your "special day".
My eldest daughter is 25 and should she ever entrust a wedding or other very special dress to me for safekeeping, I'd never dream of doing what they did.
Big eye-roll for all the cool brides in their non-materialistic cheapy dresses happy to think if others frolicking in them behind their backs. My first wedding dress was hired from an Oxfam affiliated charity and my second was an e-Bay purchase (£500 though so 5 x more expensive than renting my first). I'd still have been very upset to find anyone else had sneaked behind my back to try them on.

I like the PP's analogy of Christmas presents, - what's the issue with opening other people's behind their back and having a little play with them?

Have they got previous form? Do they think you think you're it or something? They sound immature.

OldGuard · 16/12/2016 12:28

I'd be seriously pissed off - mainly because they took their needs/wants and put them above your own (otherwise they would have asked you) - when people think "oh I know best and if she doesn't know what's the harm" , well, the harm is that they friggin lied and were deceitful - so for me, the issue would be about trust

HouseworkIsASin10 · 16/12/2016 12:56

YANBU!! I would go nuclear Shock

OneOrgasmicBirthPlease · 16/12/2016 14:58

I have not RTFT, but just came to say it would not bother me in the slightest. From my perspective it is a complete non-issue, and I am surprised that my cursory glance at the AIBU consensus reveals most women would be upset about this. Maybe your DM and DSis feel similar to me?

However, I still say YANBU for being bothered, since this is your dress and your wedding. Is it really worth falling out over though?

diddl · 16/12/2016 15:13

I think it was a horrible thing to do.

It would make me question if they even liked me tbh.

It's so disrespectful & snide.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 16/12/2016 15:37

I agree, it is snidey thing to do. Not even a quick call first to check if the OP wouldn't mind.

My mates tried my dress AFTER I was married, didn't bother me a hoot then. But the bride should be the only one to wear it beforehand.

Sherlock35 · 16/12/2016 16:35

YANBU. That's just fucking weird.

WicksEnd · 16/12/2016 16:48

Bang out of order. I wouldn't try anyones clothes on without their permission but a wedding dress is a right fucking cheek.

Make them buy you a new one Grin

Footinmouthasusual · 16/12/2016 16:54

That's so beyond fucking disrespectful. I am keeping stbdils wedding dress here and am morbidly careful that it's kept in the wrappings and not touched.

Neather I or my dds would dream of behaving like this and I imagine your gran was shocked.

They could have got makeup on it or anything so awful op.

Upanddownroundandround · 16/12/2016 17:09

YANBU. That should have been run past you first at the very least. But tbh it would only be ok if it was suggested by you in the first place.

mustbetimeforacreamtea · 16/12/2016 17:34

That is so disrespectful. Fine afterwards as long as they ask first. I would expect them to have it professionally cleaned and keep it well away from them.

It's not the dress itself, it could be secondhand no problem with that, it's that it is special to you and you should be the first one in your family/friends to wear it. Otherwise why not just put any old thing on. Who really tries on any of someone else's clothes in secret before the owner has a chance to wear it themselves?

If they're that thoughtless to try it on in the first place they won't have any comprehension of why you'd have a problem with it but would be angry at the implication that they are smelly/dirty enough to have to have the dress cleaned after they've been in it.

DoJo · 16/12/2016 17:35

It's not the fact is a wedding dress for me, it's just the proprietary element of using something that's not yours, just because it happens to be in your house.
I'd be amnoyed at someone wearing any of my clothes without permission. In the same way as if someone took in a parcel for me, I wouldn't expect them to have a go of whatever was in it, whether it was a saucepan, straighteners or a silk scarf.

Pipistrelle40 · 16/12/2016 18:12

OP, have the dress professionally cleaned definately. Is your Sis going to be a bridesmaid? I am sure she would look delightful in a puce tiered number with copious frills. Whatever colour suits her least is the one she would be wearing.

SuperFlyHigh · 16/12/2016 18:13

No way, clothes in general I'd probably be pissed off about but my wedding dress I'd be incandescent with rage!

And them (or your mum!) not apologising! Bloody cheek.

I agree either store it safely at your place or entrust it to a friend who will look after it, and scour it for tears, marks etc and if there are any they should pay for a new dress.

SuperFlyHigh · 16/12/2016 18:14

pipistrelle has it get revenge on your 'D' sis by swooping BM dresses if she's going to be one.

Then update here after the wedding!

CozumelFox · 16/12/2016 18:17

I'd be pretty livid if anyone crammed their carcass into ANY of my clothes. A wedding dress is even worse!

(I'm imagining the present thread now, someone's going to be along to say they just speak another love language, and they show it by rubbing skin flakes and hairs on your items, like cats do, or that they were showing you kindness by trying to be at one with your garments.)

No, That really mings.

TheCatsMother99 · 16/12/2016 18:25

I'd be really upset about this too.

It's your dress, made for you. I also don't think it's fair that they were just having a bit of fun at the expense of your dress. Imagine if they had damaged it or something. It's probably the most expensive piece of clothing you'll ever own so they need to treat it carefully.

ineedaholidaynow · 16/12/2016 18:28

I caught my MIL trying on my wedding dress! It was a few weeks after the wedding and we were staying with her for the weekend. I had brought the dress with us so we could show it to DH's gran who couldn't come to the wedding.

We were staying in the guest bedroom and I had hung the dress up there. I went upstairs to get something from the room and found MIL in her undies trying it on. Her excuse was to see how much smaller her waist was than mine Angry

We didn't have a good relationship at the time so I wasn't very happy about it. Although I apologised for barging in on her when she was semi-naked Confused

DH also said he couldn't look at the dress in quite the same way after that!