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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you try someone else's wedding dress on?

213 replies

WinterIsHereJon · 16/12/2016 07:35

I'm getting married next year. Bought my dress a couple of months ago, and it's been living at my mums house away from where DP could see it. I was talking to my gran last night, who accidentally let slip that when she last came to visit both my mum and my sister tried my dress on for fun. I'm really upset and angry; it's supposed to be special but sort of feels less so now somehow. My mum and I have now fallen out as it was "just a bit of fun". I can't believe they would think it was ok! AIBU or overreacting?

OP posts:
Magicpaintbrush · 16/12/2016 08:08

YADNBU! That's very disrespectful of them. Somebody elses sweaty armpits all over your beautiful wedding dress! How bloody dare they! The only person who should ever wear a wedding dress is the bride.

Kirstyinnorway · 16/12/2016 08:09

... But as PP have said, it's now time to move on as there is nothing to be done. I would, however,have a sit-down chat with your Mum and Sis to let them know how you feel and try not to let them minimize it. Just because it would have been Ok with them, doesn't mean it's Ok with you.

You will forget it all on your wedding day, I hope you have a fantastic day!

Kirstyinnorway · 16/12/2016 08:09

Oh,that was meant to follow on directly from my previous message!

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 16/12/2016 08:11

I would have said YABU, to me it's just a dress. It wouldn't bother me more than if they put a jumper of mine on. The dress hasn't changed as a result of them trying it on.

But clearly they also think that they have somehow eroded the gloss off your dress by wearing it or they wouldn't be keeping it a secret.

So they are being unreasonable. But, I don't really 'get' it.

GravyAndShite · 16/12/2016 08:12

You hurt my feelings by trying it on
What? Confused

Hooleywhipper · 16/12/2016 08:13

YANBU. I second others saying if you had been there and offered that would be entirely different. Let them know you are unhappy but in a calm I felt disappointed way. Move on then OP,don't let it spoil how you feel about your beautiful dress.

balence49 · 16/12/2016 08:13

I had a second hand wedding dress and ring... we had a lovely wedding and I have a ring I like.
Couldn't give a stuff if they had been worn before. In fact no way would I have got the whole. Pay ten times the price but no one has ever tried them on and they are all for you?

LadyMaryofDownt0n · 16/12/2016 08:16

YANBU, did you do/say anything? I would kick off, they know fine well that's not on. Are they usually so uncaring?

Kirstyinnorway · 16/12/2016 08:18

balence that's lovely for you and presumably her mum/sis felt the same; my wedding ring is also "vintage" (for which read - second hand!), but everyone feels differently and her relatives should surely have respected that. If OP had been there and Ok'd it it would have been totally different. But they didn't even check that she felt the same way as them!

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 16/12/2016 08:19

I'll be honest - if my sister was getting married and there was nobody else in the house, I might be tempted.... Grin. I wouldn't be parading up and down in front of relatives, though! (I've always wanted to go in a bridal shop and try some on for fun).

I think you should let it go. Cheeky, yes, and what if they'd damaged it? But it really isn't worth a falling out over.

Ibloodyhatethomasthetankengine · 16/12/2016 08:24

When I read the title I thought it was going to be after the event, which is fine in my book, but BEFORE the wedding?! No effing way. The only time I would be okay with it is if I had an identical twin and I wanted to see what I looked like in it! Personally I find it a bit weird that your Mum and sister wanted to try it on?

treaclesoda · 16/12/2016 08:26

I can't say it would bother me. I had no idea people felt so strongly about a dress.

TheProblemOfSusan · 16/12/2016 08:28

You are definitely not being unreasonable - the whole of weddings are about bloody symbolism and, that's pretty much the point of them, even if the only symbolism you engage in is making your vows. That's why you have a special dress if (like most people) you want one. So for someone to interrupt that and wear your dress before you and not even tell you is pretty shitty of them.

And of course there's the damage risk too - doesn't matter if it cost £20 or £2000, you need it to not be ripped or covered in foundation.

GinIsIn · 16/12/2016 08:29

balence my dress was second hand too. In this case I would still be furious - it's not that the dress has ever been worn before, it's the fact that it's ready for the OP's big day and they might have damaged it.

Even with a secondhand dress, I presume it was cleaned and altered before you wore it for your wedding day? So it's really not the same - it would be like someone wearing it after you had it cleaned and altered and ready for you to wear to your own wedding.

glitterazi · 16/12/2016 08:29

It reminds me of that episode of Friends - the one with all the wedding dresses. Grin
Was one dressed in your dress whilst the others hired their own and pretended to throw the bouquet to each other?! Grin
Sorry, couldn't resist. Can understand why you'd be annoyed though as wedding dresses are usually really delicate and expensive.

Sprink · 16/12/2016 08:32

Ooooh! Granny is a shitstirrer, isn't she!

GrinGrinGrin

diddl · 16/12/2016 08:35

Are you really surprised Op?

Isn't it more likely that that would happen than your partner would snoop if it were at yours?

ImYourMama · 16/12/2016 08:35

I would go APESHIT if this was me! They could have asked next time you were all together if they wanted to play dress up!

crazyoldc4tlady · 16/12/2016 08:36

going against the majority - yabvvu

I cannot see the issue at all. I really don't get the dress hype. it's about the marriage not a dress you wear for half a day. It really wouldn't bother me if my mum and sister had tried it on. cannot see how it makes it less special.

But then, I eloped and just got married in a summer dress... I never was into this white weddings anyways.

Fishface77 · 16/12/2016 08:39

Have they got form for this?
Is sis the GC?
Sound like a reet pair of cunts to me.

ClarissaDarling · 16/12/2016 08:41

I think it was shitty of them, and they clearly know this otherwise why secrecy about it! And it is about the symbolism. If it had been a random item of clothing left there, would they have had that on?

FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile · 16/12/2016 08:41

YANBU - I would have one crackers if anyone had tried on mine before I had won it.

MidnightAura · 16/12/2016 08:43

Yanbu! If my sister or Mum had tried my dress on and didn't tell me I would be livid. It's not just like trying on your jacket or something.

IMurderedStampyLongnose · 16/12/2016 08:43

Wow no way they were out of order.they shouldn't have done that at all.

BarbarianMum · 16/12/2016 08:44

I wouldn't unless I were invited to but I also can't imagine it would bother me that much. Maybe if they'd worn it to town, or taken 1000 photos and put them on Facebook I'd be annoyed. I don't honestly see how it will be 'less special' on your wedding day, it's your wedding dress!