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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you try someone else's wedding dress on?

213 replies

WinterIsHereJon · 16/12/2016 07:35

I'm getting married next year. Bought my dress a couple of months ago, and it's been living at my mums house away from where DP could see it. I was talking to my gran last night, who accidentally let slip that when she last came to visit both my mum and my sister tried my dress on for fun. I'm really upset and angry; it's supposed to be special but sort of feels less so now somehow. My mum and I have now fallen out as it was "just a bit of fun". I can't believe they would think it was ok! AIBU or overreacting?

OP posts:
greedygorb · 16/12/2016 08:46

YANBU. I'm not a wedding person, mine was small and I'm not into clothes so I just had a fancy frock rather than a big wedding dress. But it would've bothered me a lot just as it would bother me if someone tried on my favourite outfit without my permission. You don't want someone comparing themselves to how they look in something you love.

frenchielala · 16/12/2016 08:51

YABVU. If it's not damaged I really don't get the problem at all. Certainly not worth falling out with your mum over - let them have a bit of fun, it'll be all about you on the day and you'll still look fab in the dress, that won't change!

SirChenjin · 16/12/2016 08:53

I would be annoyed if anyone tried on anything of mine without asking me first, irrespective of what dress it was - I don't subscribe to this whole 'it's a dress no-one else must see until the Big Reveal on the Big Day' thing.

Otoh, it really isn't worth falling out with your mum over.

Arfarfanarf · 16/12/2016 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shodan · 16/12/2016 08:57

YANBU.

My (then soon-to-be MIL) told me she'd tried on my engagement ring before I got it and I didn't like that either. I can't say exactly why it felt wrong, I just know it did.

I wouldn't dream of trying on anything of anybody's without their permission, let alone a wedding dress.

Still, at least you know that you now have free rein to try on anything of theirs that they buy, before they wear it.

EdmundCleverClogs · 16/12/2016 08:57

Yanbu, a your wedding dress is obviously important to you, and a special item. They had no right touching it before the day. It's an unique item to you, quite probably expensive. You wouldn't mess around with things they want to keep safe, clean and dirt-free, they had no right todo the same. I'm surprised others can't see this - it doesn't matter if you got married in a bin bag, everyone has something they want to keep precious to the, surely that's understandable?

I'd be careful though, op. This type of thread usually ends up being picked up by some lazy journalists.

enjoyingscience · 16/12/2016 08:57

I honestly don't think I'd be arsed, but then again, I'm not hugely wedding-y. I encouraged by friends ten year old daughter to try mine on before the wedding, and if anyone else had wanted to they would have been welcome. It's not like she went clubbing in it, or spilt ribena down it.

viques · 16/12/2016 08:59

I think they were wrong to do it sneakily like that, and should do some major apologising.

They didn't try on your wedding outfit underwear I hope?

SpookyPotato · 16/12/2016 09:04

YANBU as they could have accidentally damaged it, stretched it, spilt something, makeup on it etc.. they shouldn't have risked it. But it's not less special or sacred now, that's just daft talk.. it's still your dress!

amusedbush · 16/12/2016 09:07

YANBU, it's inappropriate and a bit bloody weird to try on someone's wedding dress, especially before the bride has even worn it on the day!

OhhBetty · 16/12/2016 09:10

I wouldn’t do it. But I wouldn’t care if someone did. It is just a dress at the end of the day. You're choosing to make a commitment to someone for the rest of your life. You could wear a bin liner and it would still be amazing.

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 16/12/2016 09:12

My dress was ex display so I think you are being stupidly precious.

sweetstemcauli · 16/12/2016 09:12

IIWM I would change the dress. DM and DS would not get to wear my wedding dress ahead of me. What a massive cheek, and really disrespectful.

I can understand taking the dress back and finding another may not be possible for you, but YANBU at all.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 16/12/2016 09:14

YANBU. Bloody ridiculous thing to do and I would be so annoyed!! I know it's still your dress but I would feel alittle bit the same as you tbh. Also, what if they got foundation or just general grub on it?! Or damaged it? Fuck, I'd be annoyed.

FabulouslyGlamourousFerret · 16/12/2016 09:15

That's nothing ... exdf1 who was bridesmaid for df2 shagged her boyfriend in df2s dress!! Apparently it was a 'kinky buzz' Confused

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 16/12/2016 09:18

Oh my god Fabulously!! That's awful Shock

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/12/2016 09:20

YANBU - it's a bit of a shit thing to do, tbh.

Less bad if there was no damage or dirtying of the dress, but still - it's YOUR dress, not theirs.

Some families share clothes and it doesn't bother them - but my sister used to borrow my clothes when we were teens and it used to bug the shit out of me, especially if she wore them BEFORE I'd had a chance to! (and the knickers, but that's just basic lack of hygiene - blech!)

It's a bit disrespectful, tbh.

SapphireBird · 16/12/2016 09:25

There's a difference between knowing a dress has already been worn and knowing you are happy about that and someone trying it on behind your back without your permission.

londonrach · 16/12/2016 09:29

Very strange behaviour to try the dress on and especially if you arent there. Is your gran making this up as its not normal behaviour. Speak to your mum and sister to get the full picture.

HOHOHOvariesBeforeBrovaries · 16/12/2016 09:30

I'd be worried that they'd broken/ruined it, and I'd be a little Hmm that they kept it a secret, but I wouldn't fall out with them over it unless it was a symptom of a much bigger relationship breakdown within the family.

GardeningWithDynamite · 16/12/2016 09:34

YANBU - you don't try someone's clothes on - especially a wedding dress without their permission and before the big day. Just like you don't open their Christmas presents and have a play with them.

pimmsy · 16/12/2016 09:39

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all! It would have been different if you were there and had offered to let them try it on, but it's your dress for your day.

However, even if they have tried it on , it's still your dress and your day, your party and your future husband who's going to admire you in it! It's not spoiled at all.

Jaxhog · 16/12/2016 09:42

I wouldn't dream of trying on anything of anybody's without their permission, let alone a wedding dress.

this

And your mum and sis owe you an apology for it. But please don't let their disrespectful and shitty behaviour spoil your day.

SilkThreads · 16/12/2016 09:43

It is the marriage that is important, not the frock, the ring etc.

HOWEVER, it was disrespectful and I can see why you feel upset.

When I got engaged I was showing my ring to my post grad colleagues.
One of whom was a real drama queen and didn't like any limelight on anyone but him.
He grabbed my hand and licked my ring - sort of put his mouth around the stone and sucked. Ugh.

I washed my hand and ring immediately.

But, it was not so much the action - like the trying on of your frock - no damage done - but the lack of respect was not nice.

And, this is family. And, was Granny simply stirring or trying to let you know in case it does get damaged with any further 'trying on'?

My maid of honor tried my dress on at my request.

ViewBasket · 16/12/2016 09:44

YANBU! Of course it isn't OK.

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